J9's Property

It's quite a unique group of people, one which some feel privileged to be part of, and some just put up with it.

It's the CSB Band Widows.

Yes, here I sit, 2 days after Christmas, a Band Widow once again...

It's an existence that's easiest to understand if it's something you've grown up with. I don't know how band wives who didn't grow up in the S.A. deal with it! Me? I've been attached to various bands (through my father) since I was an infant. I'm quite used to concerts, tours, long absences, missed birthdays... it's not really something toward which I feel any kind of animosity or resentment. (unless, of course, the band happens to be away during a massive snowfall or major plumbing issue.) It's something I've grown up with, and my Mom has certainly taught me (through example) ways to graciously endure the times when the CSB has, once again, kidnapped the men of the family.

(it usually involves some form of retail therapy!)

My Dad joined the CSB when I was only 6, and my brother was 9. I can honestly say, when I was growing up, I don't remember my Mom ever once speaking in a negative or derogatory manner about the time commitments demanded by the band. Mom was a single mother for days, even weeks at a time, but she never once let on to us if she was upset by it. (or maybe I was just oblivious?)(don't answer that)

There are a lot of interesting memories from years past:

- I can actually remember Dad's first long tour away with the CSB. It was in 1980 (I think), when the CSB did their tour of Western Canada. I can remember Mom hiding a couple of cards in Dad's luggage and music pad. I can very distinctly remember the note Mom found taped to her headboard that first night Dad was away: "I'd rather be sleeping with you, Dear!"

- There was the first tour of Australia & New Zealand in 1985, when the band was away for a month. Dad had to use up all his holidays to do the tour, so when we went camping later that summer, Dad drove the car up to Fair Havens, set up the trailer, then went home to work for the week. I don't remember Mom complaining...

- One year, Mom and I actually followed the band to England for the 1990 International Congress. It was my first time on an airplane, and off the North American continent. We had a lot of fun finding our own way around London, meeting up with the band at different venues and events, and then taking a 17-day tour of Western Europe. I'd love to go back someday.

- The latest bit of fun was Old Orchard Beach this past summer. I don't think I've laughed so hard as when the bunch of us CSB Widows were driving around Portland, Maine, trying to find that Appleby's! (the episode at the gas station was rather amusing as well!)

Anyone connected with the CSB would probably know that the first weekend of each month is reserved as the "CSB Weekend", when the band would schedule their weekends away. Anyone who knows me, will know that my birthday falls at the beginning of November. Deductive reasoning will reveal that, as a result, many a birthday was spent without Dad around. However, Dad always made it up to me, and over the years, we developed the tradition of Dad taking me out for dinner for my birthday - just the 2 of us. Those were very special dinners (although I sometimes had to BEG him not to embarrass me by having the waiters sing!), and believe me, I never complained!

All this helped prepare me for the day I actually married a CSB member. Some think I'm crazy, but I actually enjoy being associated with the band. (I guess there's a bit of pride in being associated with a world-renowned group!) Dad is still there, and my brother is now in the band as well, so when the CSB goes away, so do all the men in my immediate family! That's OK, Mom and I hang out a lot, and of course, when the men are away playing, the women go SHOPPING!! (deserves them right!)

Seriously, though, Mom was such a role model as to how to deal with being a band widow. Because she never showed resentment toward the band (at least she never showed it in front of us), I didn't resent the band as I grew up. Don't get me wrong, I missed my Dad when he was away, and I miss Doug when he's away. But, I don't get miserable about it. It's a fact of life I've grown up with, and I've learned that when someone you love is committed to something, the more you support them in that commitment, the better it is for all concerned. Complaining just makes everyone even more miserable...

Now, I say all this with one thing in mind: I'm not a mom. I'm not left to look after kids all by myself while the band's away, and when I do have kids, it may change my perspective. However, I can rest in the knowledge that I won't be the first Band Widow to also be a Band Single Mom. My Mom did it, my sister-in-law is doing it, and many other women who went before me have done it as well. I'm sure they'd be willing to share their wisdom on the subject when I'm in need of it. That's how we get through it: we support each other.

I am allowed to be jealous of the destinations, however! As I type, the CSB is in California. They're in San Diego right now, then they're off to Los Angeles, where they'll do a few concerts, and finish the trip by marching in the Tournament of Roses parade. (At least on this trip, I'll get to see them on TV!) There are exotic places the band has been, like Australia, New Zealand, and Brazil; they've been all over Western Europe, Scandinavia, and North America... Dad makes us laugh, whenever we're watching a Discovery Channel program about some country he's been to. Most times, we can't hear what the program narrator is saying - Dad's drowning them out, pointing out all the places he's been and repeating stories we've heard time and time again!

As long as there are bands, there will forever be band widows. The CSB Widows are a special lot - the commitments are in addition to the corps bands commitments, and believe-you-me, the CSB members are fully expected to be "exemplary bandmembers" at their own corps, so they have to be careful about missing anything at all. It can make for some lonely nights, and some down times, but there's always the "welcome home", and as Doug likes to say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, not wander......

....6 sleeps to go!.....

and yes, it is a Merry Christmas, indeed! (at least, so far!....)

We are FINALLY up and running with our ethernet connection at home. After hours on the phone, re-installing WindowsXP, and endless frustration (and a few choice words for certain techs in India), I was finally able to convince the powers-that-be at Dell that our motherboard needed replacing. I think they were still skeptical that it wasn't still a software issue, but the guy came yesterday, installed the new motherboard, and what do you know! We're back online!

IT'S ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME!!!

Now comes the fun part: re-installing all the programs and downloading all the documents, photos, and songs that were wiped....but that's something for another day.... I'm just glad to be back online in my own house!

It's actually starting to look like Christmas around here. We finally got the tree in the house last weekend (it had been sitting in our porch in a bucket of water for 3 weeks!), and I finally had the time to decorate it on Monday. I have to admit, it was kinda weird pulling out the Christmas decorations from the cupboard downstairs -- when I packed them away last year, I didn't think I'd be pulling them out in this house again. Oh, well, the best laid plans.... I guess the Lord just didn't want us moving quite yet. It's frustrating for me, I was really hoping to be out of Scarborough by now, but I'm hoping that will happen this next year. It's really time to get out of here...

Speaking of having packed things away, I have no idea where all my tealights are....I know they're in a box, packed by my mom and me last summer....where, I have no idea....I have all these Christmas candle holders out, and no candles to put in them!!

Anyway, it's nearly Christmas Eve! It's really snuck up on me this year, I must have been busy, or pre-occupied, or something. Christmas has always been a very special time of year to me, time to get together with family that I don't get to see very often, eat until we can eat no more, and celebrate that original Silent Night. It's really sad the way things have degraded into such commercialism, greed, and political correctness that the real reason for the holiday is completely lost - and not by accident!! Whenever you try to remind anyone of Christ, they don't want to hear it. The response so often is, "Christmas isn't about Christianity anymore". Well, then what's it about? Why celebrate it? If all Christmas is to you, is parties and gifts, then you're really missing out! The Greatest Gift Of All wasn't found in the electronics department, He was found by shepherds in a cowshed. If you don't believe it, then just wait - you'll find out sooner or later, and it may just be too late by the time you do figure it out. I pray that doesn't happen....

In the mean time, I'm going to say those words that so many are so afraid to say these days:

I've had enough people ask me what I want for Christmas, that I thought I'd post a list here! If you're still not sure what to get me, here are some ideas:

I love to read. Books will always be a safe bet. Especially anything by Francine Rivers or Frank Peretti. Books I already have by those authors are: Francine Rivers - Mark of the Lion series (all 3), Leota's Garden, and The Scarlet Thread; Frank Peretti - The Visitation, Monster. I think that's all, I'm going by memory since most of my older books are still in boxes. (and won't be out of them until after I move!) I'd love to get copies of Redeeming Love, The Atonement Child, and And The Shofar Blew (all by F. Rivers); also This Present Darkness & Piercing the Darkness, and Prophet (all by F. Peretti) I've read most of them, but I would love to actually have them so I can re-read them whenever I want. I'd also love to get my hands on the Chronicles of Narnia (C.S. Lewis) - the entire set. I've seen them in boxed sets, but I've also seen all 7 books in one volume.

I can always use clothing for work! I have found that Jacob has a lot of nice stuff, and it fits well. (I take a size Small) RW&Co is also nice, and Reitmans has nice stuff on occasion, although I find their clothing doesn't fit as nicely.

I'm a scrapbooker. Anything, from tools to supplies, I'll always appreciate receiving. Just be sure any paper, ink, stickers, etc. are acid & lignin free. Brass plates for dry embossing are great, too.

DVD's. Our collection is rather pathetic at the moment. I think we have the Matrix series, Ray, The Bourne Identity, A Fish Called Wanda, The Incredibles, Shrek2, Madagascar, Finding Nemo, The Princess Bride, and that's about it! I'd love to get DVD copies of Shawshank Redemption, Dead Poets Society, and any others on my favorites list. I think the list would also give you a good idea of the genre's I tend to enjoy. James Bond movies are usually a good bet as well.

Does that give you enough to go on? I really can't think of anything else...

If I can ever find out what Doug wants for Christmas, I'll post that as well.....

Argh.

That's all I have to say right now.

Argh.

Between Doug and me, we've spent the better part of 5 hours dealing with Rogers, then Dell, then Rogers again, then back to Dell....

Our cable internet connection still isn't working.

We still don't know why.

Argh.

We know for a fact it isn't the cable modem.

We know for a fact it's something to do with the ethernet connection in our computer. Do you think the Dell guys can figure it out?

Argh.

I am, for a fact, typing this blog on my own computer. We've actually connected up our phone line, and transferred the dial-up info from the Ancient Decrepid IBM Stinkpad, and actually now have some semblance of internet access at home, albeit extremely...........slow..........

So, I can't complain too much.

But, still.....

Argh.

Ah, Christmas. The decorations, the carols, the hustle-and-bustle....

....the Salvation Army Christmas Kettles....

They're everywhere. Kettles (or "bubbles", as they've come to be known in Canada) pop up everywhere each December: in malls, in grocery stores, on street corners... Sometimes accompanied by a small brass group playing carols, but always manned by at least one person: the Kettle Worker.

Ah, the memories...the sore feet, tired back, aching face muscles (gotta keep smiling, you know!)...kinda makes me glad I don't do them anymore! There are those, of course, for whom the Kettles are a major area of ministry. And to them I say, God Bless You!

I have to admit, the people-watching did make it interesting at times. It seems we were magnets for people needing directions - I even had someone ask me how to find Don Brown Funeral Home! It was also amusing, in a way, to hear the various excuses people would give as to why they "couldn't" put any money in the bubble. I guess some people felt a little guilty? Of course, the most oft-heard line was, "I gave at the office"...yeah, like we all haven't heard that one before! I think the funniest was the lady who asked for directions to the funeral home - she told me she couldn't give anything because she was on disability.... (that bad, eh?).....

It was also interesting to watch the reactions when someone I knew would see me on the Kettle. People I knew from the Army would always stop and chat, offer some encouragement, and sometimes a coffee. The really nice ones would offer to watch the Kettle while I took a pee break! People I knew from outside the Army, though, were very different. They would comment about me "getting some volunteer work in", or look at me with a "Huh?" expression on their faces. Some actually chose to ignore me altogether, although I don't if it might just have been a case of not recognising me -- we do tend to look entirely different when we're in uniform. (especially back in the days of ladies' hats!!)

And, of course, I'll never forget the contest each year between me and Barb Beattie: whoever made more in their Kettles over the season got a Tim Horton's coffee from the loser. I seem to recall getting a free coffee every Christmas!....

It's been interesting to see the evolution of the Kettles and their workers over the years. When I was working them (as a teenager and early twenties), it was un-heard-of to man a Kettle while not wearing full Salvation Army uniform (hats included!). We had guidelines to follow: no sitting down, unless it is just for a couple of minutes an hour to rest, no leaving your post unless it's a medical emergency, wear full uniform, or if you don't have a uniform, something equally dressy, smile, say "Thank you, Merry Christmas!" to all who dropped so much as a penny in the bubble...

Oh, how times have changed....

I cringed (both inwardly and outwardly) the year that all Kettle workers were provided with WalMart-like bibs to wear, and those in uniform were actually told NOT to wear uniform. Huh?? Talk about scruffy-looking! I actually had a gentleman come up to me one year, and tell me that he had stopped donating to the Kettles, because the Army was manning their Kettles with un-uniformed people! Not that that's a legitimate reason for not giving, but it just goes to show how the public perceives the importance of uniform.

I do have an on-going complaint, though. It's about these bored-looking people dressed in jeans and sweaters, slouched on a bench or chair, broadcasting on their faces the foremost thought in their head: "WHEN WILL THIS ETERNAL SHIFT END???" I can't deny thinking that very thought on some of my own shifts in the past, but it's another thing to act like it! Paste a smile on your face, pretend this is something you really want to do, and believe it or not, the shift will actually go faster!! (and I'm sorry, it really annoys me when a Kettle worker says "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"!!!)

One of the longest-running debates I've come across when it comes to the Kettles, is the issue of volunteer vs. paid Kettle-worker. One shift, I had an older lady approach me (with a bit of a superior air), and comment, "I heard in my ladies group that you people actually get PAID to attend these Kettles." My only response could be the truth: yes, we did get paid. "Oh," was her response, as she turned away (with nose in the air). Well, Merry Christmas to you, too! I guess there are those who feel that it's an absolute sin to be paid to work for the Army.

To those who don't understand the process or situation, let me explain. Since most Kettles are located in shopping centres, it's actually law that the workers be paid. (at least, that's my understanding) It's not like they're paid a whole lot - usually minimum wage. The worker does not get a percentage of the Kettle money, in fact, the wages come from an entirely different bank account. There certainly are those workers who prefer to consider themselves volunteers, and I have seen many a worker endorse their pay cheque, and either hand it right back to the person who gave it to them, or put it into the next Kettle they see. What they do with that money is their prerogative.

Do you think you're in a position to judge a Kettle worker as to whether they should be paid, or volunteer? Consider this: when I attended Stoney Creek Corps, there were many Kettle workers who weren't even members of the church. They were actually people who were unemployed, on government assistance, or just couldn't make enough at their "day job" to make ends meet. The opportunity to work on the Kettles allowed them to earn money so they could actually have a Christmas. I, for one, was a university student when I worked the Kettles, so the money I earned was desperately needed to pay for school, and to afford to buy gifts for my family that I otherwise would not have had the money to buy.

The Army provides assistance in many ways. The funds from the Kettles themselves go to fund toys for children, and meals for the hungry. The wages paid to Kettle workers assist the workers through the Christmas season. Think about it: would you go and stand in one place (sometimes a very cold place) for hours at a time, if you didn't have to? And don't forget, you have no way of knowing if that person is actually keeping their wages, or if they're handing the money right back to the Army.

And quite frankly, it's none of your business.

I have to admit, though, now that Kettle season is once again upon us, I'm kinda glad that I'm too busy to work any Kettles. Who knows, I may work them again in the future, but only if I have a really, really comfortable pair of shoes....

...and a whole lot of patience.....

Go ahead, make your jokes.... I know I have a big mouth. Well, not literally, but my mouth very often does take off before the brain is in gear. I've hurt a lot of people that way.

I get myself into trouble in 2 ways: something I've said, or the way I said it.

"Something I've said": I most often screw up in the area of blurting secrets that shouldn't be shared. A word of advice: if you're telling me something that you don't want discussed, tell me outright that I'm not to discuss it! If I know up front, you'll have a much better chance of me not saying something!! My problem is, I get caught up in a conversation, and in my attempt to enter or continue in a conversation, I may bring something up that really shouldn't have been. I can't count the number of times that I've said something, only to regret it minutes later.

"The way I said it": my other extremely annoying conversation trait (which I hate most of all), is that too many times, I'll say something and have it come across in a way that sounds snobbish, condescending, patronizing, or just plain rude and impatient. Once again, the mouth is in gear before the brain has had a chance to temper what I'm saying. So many times, the way I speak is very off-putting to say the least, and can actually be quite hurtful to others.

I'm sorry.

I don't do it on purpose. (or "on-purposely", as I used to say as a kid) I don't realise what I've done until well after the fact, and often by that time, it's too late to take it back. All I can do is apologise, and try to do better next time. James (the biblical one) was right about our need to "tame the tongue", because it very often is the source of needless conflicts, and it inflicts unnecessary pain. It's something I've been working on, but I'm not sure if I'm really seeing any improvements yet. I guess when the stress levels go up, I tend to lose patience more quickly, and that's when most of the trouble occurs. That's no excuse, though, and I can't let myself get away with it.

I have one request: If I've said something to you, and you don't like either what I've said, or the way I've said it, or even both, please call me on it! Maybe, if enough people tell me what I'm doing wrong when I do it, I'll better be able to keep that pesky mouth of mine in check....

We received some sad news this week. Leslie & Jamie's wee babe has gone to be with The Lord. I know it must be devastating for them, but they have some great support in their family, and especially in Leslie's mom. Their kids are a great source of comfort, too. Keep them all in your prayers, would ya?

Yeah, I know, it's not "officially" winter yet. According to the calendar, anyway. The dusting of snow and the frost are stating otherwise!!

We're back from Sanibel, and it was a good trip! Weather was great, we did some stuff that we've been wanting to do for a while, and it was restful and relaxing. As usual, though, all positive effects from the vacation have already disappeared here at work -- I'm already finding myself standing in the printer/copier/fax room at work, thinking to myself, "why did I walk over here?..." YIKES.

Anyway, a quick computer update: our home computer is still not functional, at least where the internet is concerned. My good friend Donna played with it while we were away, and it appears we may have positively-identified the problem -- we'll know more when we get the computer back from her, and find out if it works the same way with our modem as opposed to hers....then it's a case of deciding what course of action to take. On the bright side, we found out how to check our home email address on the web, so it's not building up a stupid amount of bulk emails!

Can you believe Christmas is just over a month away??? I can't!!! It will start to sink in this Saturday, when the Rayment family embarks on the Great Christmas Tree Hunt. It's a tradition, where we all meet at a tree farm, and tromp out into the bush to cut down our very own White Pine. Some of you may be thinking that it's a bit early to be getting a tree, but when you're in the Army, your Saturdays get booked up really fast in December. In fact, this Saturday will be the last open Saturday between now and Christmas!!

Time to get busy! It's really silly how busy we all get with the Christmas season. If we aren't careful, the busy-ness can result in us completely missing the enjoyable aspects of Christmas. So many people get so caught up in finding the right gifts (and usually breaking the bank), getting the decorating done, entertaining, etc, that the more important things either can't be enjoyed, or get ignored altogether. It's really very sad...

I'm finding one of the most frustrating things about Christmas is trying to decipher who will respond positively to "Merry Christmas", and who will chastise me for not using the politically-correct "Season's Greetings" or "Happy Holidays". The ironic thing is that so many people insist on "Happy Holidays", not realising that the origin of the word Holiday is "Holy Day"!! Kinda makes me chuckle sometimes...

Anyway, enough soap box for one day. I'm just going to enjoy the season as much as I can, and make the most of each event/get-together/party/concert/whatever!

Yeah, OK, so anyone who has ever met me, let alone taken the time to get to know me, will have a pretty good idea that I am much more of an introvert than extrovert. There just has never been any question of that! Other aspects of my personality, though, apparently can be a little less obvious...

This has come to my attention as a result of some personality profiling we recently participated in at work. Apparently, there are some "communication issues" in our team, so the powers-that-be decided that personality profiling may help us to learn to communicate better with each other.... (the members of my team are in agreement: we all get along great, and work together quite well. It's the communication with the team leader that is problematic!)

Never-the-less, we all took the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator. Tell me if you agree with what M-B says about me:

- Insightful, conceptual, and creative (creative?)
- rational, detached, and objectively critical
- likely to have a clear vision of future possibilities (not sure about that one!)
- apt to enjoy complex challenges
- likely to value knowledge and competence; apply high standards to themselves and others
- independent; trust their own judgements and perceptions more than those of others
- usually seen by others as private, reserved, and hard to know

I won't argue with that last descriptor - I've been accused in the past of acting "snobbish". A lot of people never realized that I was actually painfully shy, and just didn't know how to act around people I didn't know. (you know, your classic introvert!)

I was actually surprised to hear from my Mom that the M-B type I wound up with was just like hers, the first time she did the M-B. I have always thought that my personality was very much like my father's, with the main difference being that he's a total extrovert. But, I guess the more I think about it, the more similarities I see between me and my Mom.

I had to question some of the results of this "testing", though. When they went through the descriptions of the various aspects of the profiles (ie. extrovert vs introvert, sensing vs. intuitive, thinking vs feeling, judging vs perceiving), there were times when I couldn't decide which I should be, because I had strong tendencies on both sides. For example, Judgers like a planned, organized, structured environment, something which I thrive in, but Perceivers take a long time to make decisions because they weigh every option, and look at every possibility, which is certainly one of my characteristics. Hmmm..... (M-B has me listed as a Judger)

I guess what it all boils down to, there are ranges and variations within the personality types, and no one "test" is going to get everything 100% correct. (I mean, come on, the M-B had one of the most introverted members of our team listed as an extrovert!!) It does help, though, to give some insight as to why some people react certain ways in certain situations, and helps us to understand them better, if we're willing to make the effort to understand them. All this is for naught, if we've got a personality trait like, "Trusts their own judgements and perceptions more than those of others"! I know only too many people who use the excuse of, "that's just the way I am, and I'm not going to change!" argh.

One thing I know I've done over the years, is I've learned to encorporate aspects (preferrably the positive ones) of other personality types. I've learned not to criticize so much, and to do my best to pick out the positive as well as the negative when giving someone feedback. I've learned to temper the way I say things, so as not to be offensive in my delivery. I've also learned to be a little more out-going.

Some things will never change, though. Let's face it! Deep down, I'll always be a classic, stubborn introvert, who thrives on structure and routine, and who will always be her own worst critic!!

I just re-read my last post. It's really quite negative, isn't it? That really wasn't my intention with this site, I don't want it to end up being one big, long list of complaints. I'd like to think I'm not that negative!!

I am going to make a concious effort to keep the majority of my posts positive, and maybe even a bit humorous. I won't kid myself, there will be days where this will be my avenue of venting, but I'm going to try to keep that to a minimum.

Just as a post-script to Friday's post, the day ended a little better than it started. I actually had a face-to-face with a higher manager, who assured me that the situation was being dealt with. Whether it actually is or not, I won't venture to guess. I'm content to their assurance at face value that the offending party has been spoken to regarding her behaviour. I know I'm probably being naive, but it's always been in my nature to give other people the benefit of the doubt.

And I have to say thank-you to all of you who have expressed their support for me. It's been a real struggle here at the office to keep a positive attitude with so much going on, and it's a real boost when you have friends to help you through!

Right now, I'm in the midst of trying desperately to get 2-weeks-worth of work done in 4 days...only 4 more sleeps until SANIBEL!!! Can't wait to get to Jerry's, Pinnochio's, the Island Cow, the Bean, the BEACH..... (am I making you jealous yet?...) Most of all, I'm just looking forward to a break where I can sit around and do what I want, when I want! I think Doug's going to rent a scooter again, it's a poor substitute for a motorbike (in his mind, anyway), but it's fun to zip around the island on it. Yee-Ha!!

If you're not in the mood to listen to (or in this case, read about) a total rant, then stop right now.

This ain't gonna be pretty.....

We've been having a lot of difficulties at work lately. The job stress level is extremely high in my line of work, but over the past year or so, we've been having to deal with a very high level of office stress as well. Doesn't make for a particularly productive or enjoyable work environment!

I've watched my teammates deal with stress coming at them from the "powers that be" (ie. our immediate supervisors and lower-level management). It's been one unfortunate incident after another, where people are targetted, put-down, disrespected, and just overall, treated in a very lousy fashion. We've been regimented in the most silly ways, while important questions are answered with "I'll look into that and get back to you..."

And they wonder why morale is so low....

Well, today was my turn. Up until now, I've pretty much managed to fly under the radar, so-to-speak. I pride myself in having the ability to see a situation from multiple points of view, and to understand where another person is coming from in any given conflict. I am also very concious of how I express myself, and am probably one of the most diplomatic people on my team. (I'm not kidding myself, my teammates agree with that point of view) And yet, I am led to believe that in this latest instance, it is I who needs to "be more respectful".

I'm sorry, but when a person is interrupted and talked-over, it is not an example of professionalism. And yet, this was my experience today. When a person who is in authority is rude, and interrupts you, is this not an example of how NOT to communicate?? What is my recourse? We've tried (as a team) to explain to the higher eschelon (as well as HR) that we have been experiencing this kind of behavior, and have asked to have something done about it, but all we've gotten is political nonsense about how "we all need to learn how to communicate with each other".....I'm sorry, the communication problem does not lie with us peons!!!

Sorry, I've had enough. I've suffered through more than a year of crap, and have found ways to justify it, live with it, brush it off, and sweep it under the carpet in the name of Diplomacy. No more. I was not rude or disrespectful in any way in what I said, or the way I said it. And yet, when it was said that "we all need to be respectful in our delivery", it was I who was looked at, not the person who was actually rude and disrespectful!

It doesn't help that this all happened after we were delivered what I refer to as the last straw: it is being regimented as to how we are to celebrate in the office. Why would someone want something as personal and individual as their birthday turned into an instituted "thou shalt do it this way" event to be shared by all who have a birthday in any given month? I agree with my one teammate: it's really quite offensive! (M-E, thanks for speaking up!)

Some of you who decided to keep reading this, may be asking yourselves: "what is she so upset about? It's not like a rude comment or a shared birthday party is the end of the world. Get over it!" Well, let me refer you to the prior paragraph where I used the term "last straw". This is just one example in a thousand of how my colleagues and I have been treated in general over the last year or so.

Quite frankly, I've had enough. And I'm not alone.

OK, I just read what may be my favorite Halloween story yet. And it's a true one!

My friend Cheryl keeps us all updated on her space, moulandspace.spaces.live.com . Her last post is all about the goings-on in the Mouland household on Halloween this year. You see, her husband Terry is a funeral director. It seems there was some question as to whether he was going to make it back from a pick-up run in time to go trick-or-treating with the kids. As it turned out, he managed to catch up with them part-way through the evening -- in the hearse!!

Can you imagine looking out your door/window on Halloween night and seeing a hearse in front of your house??? They got a lot of freaked-out looks, and earned a few laughs as well. Apparently, one guy came running to his door, shouting "No! I'm not ready to go yet!!"

For the full story, go to Cheryl's blog and check it out. She's got photos posted, too!

I just hope Terry didn't get in trouble!....

Took a trip down memory lane yesterday...

I had a work meeting at my old high school, of all places! It was a planning meeting for one of my clients, who is a student there. Talk about deja-vu! It may have been 14 years since I stepped foot in the halls of OP, but I tell ya, it felt like I never left!

There were some changes, of course. A little re-organising here, a little re-decorating there...but all-in-all, it was still my high school. I'm not sure how I feel about my memories of high school, some are good, others I'd rather not have brought up. I wasn't the most popular kid, for the most part, I was very awkward, socially inept, and pretty much a loner. I really didn't hang out with a lot of people, with the exception of a few kids on the track/cross-country teams. I really enjoyed being part of that crew, but since track tends to be an individual sport as opposed to a team sport, there isn't the camraderie you gain through other sports teams like soccer, volleyball, basketball, etc. The closest you come in track is a relay team. And I'm proud to say, I was a member of one of the most successful relay teams in the school (and area!) for 4 years.

I really haven't kept in touch with any of my friends from high school. We all went our separate ways in university/college, or through work, etc. Being the loner that I was, I didn't know how to maintain connections with friends and acquaintances. It makes for a lot of "I wonder where so-and-so is these days..."

I was really quite excited when I found out that OP was having a reunion last summer, I thought that maybe I'd connect with some old friends again. Alas, it was not to be. Of all the OP alumni that contacted the reunion website and message board, there was a severe lack of respondents from my years. It was really quite interesting -- there were tons of people from the years before I started, and tons from the years after I graduated, but there seemed to be this big, black hole for the years I was there. (for those who are wondering, I went to Orchard Park high school from 1987 to 1992) I was really hoping I could connect with some of the old track team from those years.

Oh, well....

Am I sounding a little maudlin? I hope not! I'm just reminiscing a little, and wishing some things could have been different. I do tend to look forward, though. I know I'm a much better person than I was back then. I still have the same feelings of awkwardness and shyness, especially when I'm in a new, unfamiliar situation, but I've learned how to deal with it in a way that doesn't isolate me from social opportunities. And there are some great memories from back then, especially when I think about the track and cross-country meets. I guess it really was the athletics that helped me get through high school.

So to all my old track buddies from OP, thank you! Chris Conroy, Shane Cooke, Stevan Ivancevic, Wheels (Julie Start), Tracy Depass, Brenda Marsillo, Dan Dumouchel, and we can't forget Mr. Roddy! (may the Roddy Shuffle live on!!) I hope you all were able to follow the path you wanted when we all parted ways in the early '90's, and that you are all well.

OK, enough living in the past, on to the future!....

A new baby in the family! Yay!! Another little Kent is on his/her way to join this crazy group of people we call the Hutchinson clan. Personally, I can't imagine being Les and James right now, I don't know if I could handle having 4 little ones under the age of 6! I'm very happy for them, though, and my congrats go out to them!

I was telling my Mom the other day, I used to think that other members of the family having kids would keep the pressure off of me. You know, keep them distracted with a new baby, and people would stop pestering me with the perpetual question, "so, when are you guys starting your family?..."

I've come to the conclusion, though, that this is now wishful thinking; the tactic has outgrown it's usefulness, and now may actually pinpoint our child-less status, and generate even more questions.

Questions like, "well, Les has all these kids, when are yours coming?"
"Ethan and Micaela are both in school! Isn't it time you had yours?"
"You've been married for over 4 years now! What have you been doing all this time?"

Even my mother-in-law is getting in on the action: "So, are the babies coming before or after you move?"

To all those who think it is their business as to when (and even whether!) we have children, my response is as follows:

WE'LL HAVE KIDS WHEN WE'RE DARN-WELL GOOD AND READY.

A lot of people don't realise that their idea of being friendly and conversational can actually come across as quite nosey and intrusive. Another thing they sometimes don't realise is that seemingly innocent questions like, "Aren't you pregnant yet?" can actually open painful wounds for some. Did you stop to think that there may be extenuating circumstances that are, quite frankly, none of your business? Perhaps the couple have been trying to have a family for years, and have been experiencing the oh, so painful heartache of infertility. Maybe their dream is to have a family, but there are relationship problems that need to be ironed out before a 3rd person can be added to the family unit without there being a total breakdown of the marriage.

If you feel it's your place to pester, annoy, and otherwise be nosey, to someone regarding their plans (or lack thereof) for a family, maybe you should step back and ask yourself, "is it really any of my business?" Put yourself in that couple's place. If you were them, would you want every other person asking you the same question? I know, you're probably just trying to be friendly and conversational, but please, if it's me you're talking to, find another topic to discuss!

You'll know when (and if) I'm pregnant. I'll let you know.

Until then.....

My one escape at work is to browse the net on my lunch hour. For some reason, I actually enjoy checking out different news stories, finding out what's happening in the world, and just being basically nosey about who's doing what.

I came across a little blurb on CNN about an interview done recently with Sting, where he commented about today's rock music. He said he found it boring, that it just wasn't developing any further, and he actually gets more enjoyment out of playing 16th century english folk music.

Sting, I couldn't agree more!

I will admit, Sting is one of my favorite secular rock/pop artists, for the reason that he truly is an artist. I really enjoy his experiments with mixing different music genre's, odd time signatures, and just plain being "interesting". And lets face it, he's a rarity in today's music world. How many new groups/solo artists are having the kind of creative impact that groups like The Police and The Beatles have had in the past? Could it be because their success was based on the artistry in their music, not the artistry of their public image?

I have to say, I can easily apply Sting's comment about boring rock music to today's worship music. Now, before you get your back up, remember that I'm heavily involved in the worship team at my church, and the majority of my new CD's are worship music. It's just that, well, an awful lot of new worship music, is, well, boring. For the non-musician, I guess 3-chord music and 7-11 lyrics are easy to learn and perform, but for a musician, it's actually very annoying.

(by the way, for the un-initiated, "7-11" refers to "7 words, 11 times over")

How about a bit of an analogy. (oooooh, an ANALOGY!.....) If a musical classic like, oh say, How Great Thou Art, could be a painting by a member of The Group of Seven, then a not-so-classic like Trading My Sorrows could be the cheap paint-by-numbers you see sold at a flea market. (Sorry if you like Trading My Sorrows - it's one I've gotten rather sick of!) Yuck!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm an artist and a musician. I therefore can be very finicky about what I find to be "music", and what is just noise. Unfortunately, so many worship teams have taken the lesser quality songs and done them over and over, that I feel it's given worship music a bad rap. If more musical selections are used, with lyrics that involve some thought, there might be a little less resistance to the whole "contemporary" idea.

And there are some very good worship songs out there! I'm thinking of truly beautiful selections like "How Deep the Father's Love" by Stuart Townend. Songs written by trained, talented musicians, with lyrics that are actually lyrical, meaningful, and theologically accurate. They could add so much to a worship service! The trick is actually finding them. The popular stuff, of course, is the simple stuff that a beginner guitarist could play. Hence, the popularity. The more musical songs are more difficult to pick up if you haven't had some musical training, so they tend not to be as popular for worship teams that don't practice on a regular basis. (that's another blog for another day...)

Overall, there is an awful lot of boring music out there, and no, it's not just limited to worship music and rock music. It's in every genre. There are also a lot of people who enjoy boring music, mainly because they don't know what good music is supposed to sound like, nor do they care. For a lot of people, music is just to be played in the background, not listened to or performed for pleasure. But, for us musically-artistic-types, it just doesn't cut it.

I gotta say, Sting, I really identify with you on this one.

I love it when I get emails from my mom, telling me about the latest exploits of my niece and nephew. It's usually the very thing to brighten up my day, although it also points out just how little I get to see them, and how fast they're growing up!

I got a real laugh today, finding out about the "Birthday Present (Not-So) Secret." It's my brother's birthday today (Happy Birthday, Phil!), and they had a party for him last night. Well, I guess poor Ethan got in trouble, because he had a little trouble keeping Phil's present a surprise. (Is this really surprising for a 5-year-old??) However, the amusing thing was that it was actually Sarah's parents who truly spilled the beans!

Poor little guy....

(Ethan, not Phil...)

It really hits home, though, how long it usually is between visits with my family. It's kinda stupid, too -- I only live an hour away, and I think I saw Phil and Sarah more often when they lived in New York City! But, when you consider everyone's schedules, and factor in corps activities, full-time work schedules, social lives that really don't cross each other very often, and compound that with Toronto traffic....

It's one of the big reasons I'm wanting to move!! Stories are great, but I really wish I could experience it all first-hand. I don't want to miss out on the memories that make families like ours so close. I grew up in a family that lived within a few kilometers of each other (Grandma and Papa were right down the road, and my best-friend-cousin was 5 minutes away), so the distance from Hamilton to Scarborough just seems that much further. I know Milton isn't right next door, either, but at least the drive would be a lot easier to make.

In the mean time, I look forward to my next kidlet-update, whether it's Ethan's next choice of vocation (apparently, his current wish is to be a paleontologist) (or has that changed?), or Micaela's most recent accomplishment on piano or cornet (you should hear her, she's quite the musician!).

Keep them coming!

Yes, indeedee, my penchant for procrastination is once again rearing it's ugly head.

Still haven't gotten the computer at home taken care of.

Still haven't gotten the house ready to sell.

Still haven't done my wedding thank-you cards.
(is there really any point at this stage of the game? It's been 4 years...)

Wanna place bets on whether I actually get any Christmas cards done this year?

The truly frightening thing is that I actually married someone who is just as bad at procrastination as I am! It's a wonder we actually got married - I'm surprised we didn't just keep putting it off!

I really am trying, though. (yes, I know, I'm very trying) Seriously, I'm getting better at getting things done. The approach I'm taking these days is to focus on what needs to be done NOW, and get it done. I'm trying not to dwell on past projects, and wallow in "shoulda-coulda-woulda" misery - I don't need reminders about how negligent I've been in the past. I'm trying to focus on the here-and-now, and on what's-to-come.

So, you might still not get a "thankyou" card for your wedding gift (which was very much appreciated, despite the lack of my telling you so), but you just might get a really nice Christmas card this year...

How many times, at how many SA corps, do we have to tackle the age-old dilema of "traditional" vs. "contemporary"? As we suffer through an officer transition at our corps, the main thought that is running through my head is, "here we go again..."

OK, everybody has their own ideas about what works, and what doesn't. Some want us to be more sensitive to the older, more traditionally-minded members of the congregation, while others insist that we must be current, relevant, and therefore, contemporary. Do we cater to the older folk who have built, established, and supported the corps for many years? Or do we try to target the younger ones who will be the future of the corps?

Let's face it. There is no way, in heaven or on earth, that we can possibly please everybody.

I really feel caught in the middle on this one. As a member and co-leader of the worship team, yes, I am in favour of contemporary music and approaches. However, having grown up at an extremely traditional corps, and loving the traditional approaches to banding, songsters, camps, even timbrels, I most certainly do appreciate the traditions of the Salvation Army. My opinion has always been, and shall forever be, that the best approach is a balanced one: mix the traditional with the contemporary, and help everyone to appreciate the other generations.

You see, as one who appreciates history, antiques, and wisdom, I am of the firm opinion that, just because something is old, doesn't mean you throw it out. There's an awful lot of good stuff in those old hymns, and the Army band and uniform are extremely recogniseable. Only a couple of weeks ago, I had a complete stranger approach me at a restaurant and hand me $20, because she recognised the uniform I was wearing, and wanted to thank The Salvation Army "for all the good work you do". We have also had new people come into our corps, because our band went on a march around the neighborhood, and they followed the "parade" back to the building. It still works!

However, I do acknowledge that there are many who do not identify with the traditional Army Barmy. And that's fine! That's why we've expanded to include a more contemporary style of worship, with new music, new approaches, new community programs, and a more casual "everyday" uniform (ie. the t-shirts/golf shirts, etc.). That works, too! But, we must keep in mind: just because it's "contemporary", doesn't necessarily mean it's "relevant" to all!

Unfortunately, we're running into a situation at our corps, where a new officer is trying to bring a little more current material into a very traditional set-up. As a result, the "traditionalists" are getting their backs up, and are fighting to retain the traditional feel of the corps. Yes, the congregation is predominantly over-50. (Hmm, maybe there's a reason for that?.....) But where should our focus be? On the past, or on the future? As I stated before, we must acknowledge, appreciate, and show our respect to those who have gone before. However, we MUST NOT sacrifice the future of the church! To be extremely blunt, if you focus on keeping the older folks happy, you won't have a congregation in about 10 years, because they will all have gone on to their reward. Who would be left?....

I'm not out to ruffle feathers. (although I'm sure I have done so!) I'm just trying to say that if we hope to survive, we MUST stop fighting amongst ourselves. To win the fight, we have to come together and present a united front, or we will be doomed to failure. You-know-who is loving the in-fighting and the bickering over what kind of music to use!

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ONE OR THE OTHER! It's called "balance". A bit of this, a bit of that, and while we can never please everybody at all times, we can still reach those who need reaching, on the level where they will respond.

Am I making sense?

Well, it was an interesting weekend. We're looking at moving sometime in the near future, so we've been taking, well, stabs at the monster they call Real Estate. There's just so much to consider when you're looking at buying/selling homes, I usually end up in a near-catatonic state just thinking about it!

We met yesterday with an agent who we may hire as a buying agent. If all goes well, we might even see if he'd agree to be our listing agent. The problem we always run into, though, is the issue of trust: can we trust this person?

Me? I'm as naive as they come. I tend to trust people, no matter how many times I get burned. Don't get me wrong, if one person burns me, it's likely to be a very long time before I ever trust them again. What I'm referring to, is that I tend to trust new people, unless there is an obvious reason not too. I'd like to think I'm a good judge of character, but unfortunately, I'm not nearly as good as I think I am. I tend to take things at face value.

I have to admit, though, I'm not as naive as I used to be. In my current line of work, I've actually become more cynical than I ever thought I'd be. But, if someone appears genuine on the outside, I tend to think of them as genuine, unless I see overt signs of, well, sleaziness...

Doug, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. Trust does not come easily for him at all, and really, I don't blame him. He's been hurt and burned a lot more, and a lot worse, than I ever have. But, I can rest in the knowledge that if he thinks he can trust someone, then I have absolutely no reason not to...

So, getting back to this agent - I think he's great, on-the-level, honest, and very up-front about his expectations, what he wants to do for us, and what he's hoping we can do for him. Seems pretty good, doesn't it? Too good to be true?.... I really don't know. I guess it's all part-and-parcel with the risk involved in any big (huge!) decision, like buying/selling your home! But Doug seems to like him, and feel comfortable with him. I think it helps that Doug has dealt with him in an informal setting, and I only dealt with him in a formal presentation setting, where everything was scripted, rehearsed, and very, very, smooth...

I guess it's the sad state of our society these days - you can never just take a person at their word, they have to continually prove that they're on the up-and-up, and you're constantly having to question a person's motives. It's one of the things I absolutely HATE about modern society: "love your neighbor as yourself" has turned into "look out for number one".

Am I ready to step out on that limb? Anyone who knows me can tell you that J9 and Risk just don't belong in the same sentence! Who to trust? There's only One I can truly trust to look out for us and our best interests. Maybe I should just trust Him....

Sounds easy, doesn't it?....

Yes, this is a new template -- the black was looking a little too, well, BLACK, and you know me and the colour green.....

To be honest, I can't see this blog being a "diary", where I'll be describing what I'm doing at any one time, or what I've done in a day. (unless it is earth-shattering - I'm not looking to bore people!) I'll probably stick to thoughts, opinions, whatever comes to my head that I want to hang on to, instead of slipping through the swiss cheese that has been my mind lately. Work stress will do that to you...

What I think will be interesting to me, will be to see people's reactions to what I write. It'll be neat to see if what I write is what people think I would write, or if I might catch some people by surprise. You know, the "that's typical J9" vs. "that doesn't sound like the J9 I know" I like to surprise people - I love seeing their reactions! It's just something I really get a kick out of, which is why I always like to be the bearer of news. (preferrably good, or at least interesting. Bad news, on the other hand...)

I guess one thing I've always wondered, is what kind of impression I make on people. I've made a lot of new friends since moving to Scarberia, so it's interesting to see what my new friends think of me, vs. what the friends and family who have known me all my life think of me.

I just realised how self-centered and self-concious this is sounding......YIKES! But then, it's important to be aware of our outward image and behaviour. Whether we like it or not, the world will always judge us based on the outside, or "through the eyes of men". While God may always look on the inside, we can never escape the reality that if we want people to see God in this world, we have to wear Him on the outside, too!

OK, so you've just had a taste of how tangential my thought processes can be. Scared yet? I am!

I think I'm going to be as interested as the next reader, to see just what gets written on this site!

Oh, the inconvenience!.....

Gotta love internet cafe's -- it's the only way I'm actually going to get anything posted! We still don't have our internet up-and-running at home; we just don't have the time to call Dell and go through the whole re-install-windows-so-we-can-actually-find-out-what's-wrong-with-the-computer process. In the mean time, I'm relegated to checking email at work, answering emails for Doug, printing off what I can on the work printers (NOT a suggested course of action!).... That would be fine and good, if it weren't for all the information we not only need to receive by email, but all the information we need to SEND by email. Believe me, you don't realize how much you come to depend on the internet, until you can't access it when you need to!!

So, here I sit in the "internet cafe" at work, attached to our lunchroom, where poor beggars like me sit and do all their emailing, surfing, and blog posting in the few minutes we have to ourselves before it's back-to-the-grind....

Like an old friend of mine used to say, "whadda ya do, when ya live in a shoe? Move into a boot, and get laced!!"

Yes, it's true. I'm actually joining the world of the bloggers. Never thought I'd do it, but what the heck.....
Don't know how often this will be updated, but once I actually have my internet re-connected at home, hopefully I'll be doing a little more! In the mean time, I don't know how often I'll be able to post, but hopefully it will get going soon!