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It's quite a unique group of people, one which some feel privileged to be part of, and some just put up with it.
It's the CSB Band Widows.
Yes, here I sit, 2 days after Christmas, a Band Widow once again...
It's an existence that's easiest to understand if it's something you've grown up with. I don't know how band wives who didn't grow up in the S.A. deal with it! Me? I've been attached to various bands (through my father) since I was an infant. I'm quite used to concerts, tours, long absences, missed birthdays... it's not really something toward which I feel any kind of animosity or resentment. (unless, of course, the band happens to be away during a massive snowfall or major plumbing issue.) It's something I've grown up with, and my Mom has certainly taught me (through example) ways to graciously endure the times when the CSB has, once again, kidnapped the men of the family.
(it usually involves some form of retail therapy!)
My Dad joined the CSB when I was only 6, and my brother was 9. I can honestly say, when I was growing up, I don't remember my Mom ever once speaking in a negative or derogatory manner about the time commitments demanded by the band. Mom was a single mother for days, even weeks at a time, but she never once let on to us if she was upset by it. (or maybe I was just oblivious?)(don't answer that)
There are a lot of interesting memories from years past:
- I can actually remember Dad's first long tour away with the CSB. It was in 1980 (I think), when the CSB did their tour of Western Canada. I can remember Mom hiding a couple of cards in Dad's luggage and music pad. I can very distinctly remember the note Mom found taped to her headboard that first night Dad was away: "I'd rather be sleeping with you, Dear!"
- There was the first tour of Australia & New Zealand in 1985, when the band was away for a month. Dad had to use up all his holidays to do the tour, so when we went camping later that summer, Dad drove the car up to Fair Havens, set up the trailer, then went home to work for the week. I don't remember Mom complaining...
- One year, Mom and I actually followed the band to England for the 1990 International Congress. It was my first time on an airplane, and off the North American continent. We had a lot of fun finding our own way around London, meeting up with the band at different venues and events, and then taking a 17-day tour of Western Europe. I'd love to go back someday.
- The latest bit of fun was Old Orchard Beach this past summer. I don't think I've laughed so hard as when the bunch of us CSB Widows were driving around Portland, Maine, trying to find that Appleby's! (the episode at the gas station was rather amusing as well!)
Anyone connected with the CSB would probably know that the first weekend of each month is reserved as the "CSB Weekend", when the band would schedule their weekends away. Anyone who knows me, will know that my birthday falls at the beginning of November. Deductive reasoning will reveal that, as a result, many a birthday was spent without Dad around. However, Dad always made it up to me, and over the years, we developed the tradition of Dad taking me out for dinner for my birthday - just the 2 of us. Those were very special dinners (although I sometimes had to BEG him not to embarrass me by having the waiters sing!), and believe me, I never complained!
All this helped prepare me for the day I actually married a CSB member. Some think I'm crazy, but I actually enjoy being associated with the band. (I guess there's a bit of pride in being associated with a world-renowned group!) Dad is still there, and my brother is now in the band as well, so when the CSB goes away, so do all the men in my immediate family! That's OK, Mom and I hang out a lot, and of course, when the men are away playing, the women go SHOPPING!! (deserves them right!)
Seriously, though, Mom was such a role model as to how to deal with being a band widow. Because she never showed resentment toward the band (at least she never showed it in front of us), I didn't resent the band as I grew up. Don't get me wrong, I missed my Dad when he was away, and I miss Doug when he's away. But, I don't get miserable about it. It's a fact of life I've grown up with, and I've learned that when someone you love is committed to something, the more you support them in that commitment, the better it is for all concerned. Complaining just makes everyone even more miserable...
Now, I say all this with one thing in mind: I'm not a mom. I'm not left to look after kids all by myself while the band's away, and when I do have kids, it may change my perspective. However, I can rest in the knowledge that I won't be the first Band Widow to also be a Band Single Mom. My Mom did it, my sister-in-law is doing it, and many other women who went before me have done it as well. I'm sure they'd be willing to share their wisdom on the subject when I'm in need of it. That's how we get through it: we support each other.
I am allowed to be jealous of the destinations, however! As I type, the CSB is in California. They're in San Diego right now, then they're off to Los Angeles, where they'll do a few concerts, and finish the trip by marching in the Tournament of Roses parade. (At least on this trip, I'll get to see them on TV!) There are exotic places the band has been, like Australia, New Zealand, and Brazil; they've been all over Western Europe, Scandinavia, and North America... Dad makes us laugh, whenever we're watching a Discovery Channel program about some country he's been to. Most times, we can't hear what the program narrator is saying - Dad's drowning them out, pointing out all the places he's been and repeating stories we've heard time and time again!
As long as there are bands, there will forever be band widows. The CSB Widows are a special lot - the commitments are in addition to the corps bands commitments, and believe-you-me, the CSB members are fully expected to be "exemplary bandmembers" at their own corps, so they have to be careful about missing anything at all. It can make for some lonely nights, and some down times, but there's always the "welcome home", and as Doug likes to say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, not wander......
....6 sleeps to go!.....
It's the CSB Band Widows.
Yes, here I sit, 2 days after Christmas, a Band Widow once again...
It's an existence that's easiest to understand if it's something you've grown up with. I don't know how band wives who didn't grow up in the S.A. deal with it! Me? I've been attached to various bands (through my father) since I was an infant. I'm quite used to concerts, tours, long absences, missed birthdays... it's not really something toward which I feel any kind of animosity or resentment. (unless, of course, the band happens to be away during a massive snowfall or major plumbing issue.) It's something I've grown up with, and my Mom has certainly taught me (through example) ways to graciously endure the times when the CSB has, once again, kidnapped the men of the family.
(it usually involves some form of retail therapy!)
My Dad joined the CSB when I was only 6, and my brother was 9. I can honestly say, when I was growing up, I don't remember my Mom ever once speaking in a negative or derogatory manner about the time commitments demanded by the band. Mom was a single mother for days, even weeks at a time, but she never once let on to us if she was upset by it. (or maybe I was just oblivious?)(don't answer that)
There are a lot of interesting memories from years past:
- I can actually remember Dad's first long tour away with the CSB. It was in 1980 (I think), when the CSB did their tour of Western Canada. I can remember Mom hiding a couple of cards in Dad's luggage and music pad. I can very distinctly remember the note Mom found taped to her headboard that first night Dad was away: "I'd rather be sleeping with you, Dear!"
- There was the first tour of Australia & New Zealand in 1985, when the band was away for a month. Dad had to use up all his holidays to do the tour, so when we went camping later that summer, Dad drove the car up to Fair Havens, set up the trailer, then went home to work for the week. I don't remember Mom complaining...
- One year, Mom and I actually followed the band to England for the 1990 International Congress. It was my first time on an airplane, and off the North American continent. We had a lot of fun finding our own way around London, meeting up with the band at different venues and events, and then taking a 17-day tour of Western Europe. I'd love to go back someday.
- The latest bit of fun was Old Orchard Beach this past summer. I don't think I've laughed so hard as when the bunch of us CSB Widows were driving around Portland, Maine, trying to find that Appleby's! (the episode at the gas station was rather amusing as well!)
Anyone connected with the CSB would probably know that the first weekend of each month is reserved as the "CSB Weekend", when the band would schedule their weekends away. Anyone who knows me, will know that my birthday falls at the beginning of November. Deductive reasoning will reveal that, as a result, many a birthday was spent without Dad around. However, Dad always made it up to me, and over the years, we developed the tradition of Dad taking me out for dinner for my birthday - just the 2 of us. Those were very special dinners (although I sometimes had to BEG him not to embarrass me by having the waiters sing!), and believe me, I never complained!
All this helped prepare me for the day I actually married a CSB member. Some think I'm crazy, but I actually enjoy being associated with the band. (I guess there's a bit of pride in being associated with a world-renowned group!) Dad is still there, and my brother is now in the band as well, so when the CSB goes away, so do all the men in my immediate family! That's OK, Mom and I hang out a lot, and of course, when the men are away playing, the women go SHOPPING!! (deserves them right!)
Seriously, though, Mom was such a role model as to how to deal with being a band widow. Because she never showed resentment toward the band (at least she never showed it in front of us), I didn't resent the band as I grew up. Don't get me wrong, I missed my Dad when he was away, and I miss Doug when he's away. But, I don't get miserable about it. It's a fact of life I've grown up with, and I've learned that when someone you love is committed to something, the more you support them in that commitment, the better it is for all concerned. Complaining just makes everyone even more miserable...
Now, I say all this with one thing in mind: I'm not a mom. I'm not left to look after kids all by myself while the band's away, and when I do have kids, it may change my perspective. However, I can rest in the knowledge that I won't be the first Band Widow to also be a Band Single Mom. My Mom did it, my sister-in-law is doing it, and many other women who went before me have done it as well. I'm sure they'd be willing to share their wisdom on the subject when I'm in need of it. That's how we get through it: we support each other.
I am allowed to be jealous of the destinations, however! As I type, the CSB is in California. They're in San Diego right now, then they're off to Los Angeles, where they'll do a few concerts, and finish the trip by marching in the Tournament of Roses parade. (At least on this trip, I'll get to see them on TV!) There are exotic places the band has been, like Australia, New Zealand, and Brazil; they've been all over Western Europe, Scandinavia, and North America... Dad makes us laugh, whenever we're watching a Discovery Channel program about some country he's been to. Most times, we can't hear what the program narrator is saying - Dad's drowning them out, pointing out all the places he's been and repeating stories we've heard time and time again!
As long as there are bands, there will forever be band widows. The CSB Widows are a special lot - the commitments are in addition to the corps bands commitments, and believe-you-me, the CSB members are fully expected to be "exemplary bandmembers" at their own corps, so they have to be careful about missing anything at all. It can make for some lonely nights, and some down times, but there's always the "welcome home", and as Doug likes to say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, not wander......
....6 sleeps to go!.....
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