J9's Property

Well, it's been a busy couple of weeks!

The suspense got the better of me, and I called my doctor to find out the ultrasound results...and lo and behold, everything is perfectly normal! All measurements were in the "average" range, fluid levels are normal, and the due date is unchanged. Yay! I feel MUCH better now! No, we do not know the gender of the baby, I don't want to know, and it wasn't even in the ultrasound report. (I know this, because my doctor's nurse read the report to me over the phone, word for word!)

The other VERY exciting development is that my house is finally on the market! We've had lots of interest so far, 5 showings in the first week, and more being booked. No offers yet, but that's not unexpected given the state of the market these days. We're having an open house on Sunday, so maybe that might spark some further interest!

I've been saying to a few people, at this point I really don't care if it sells or not. I would LOVE to move out of Toronto, and closer to my parents, but it's really not the end of the world if we stay put. I'm just glad we finally accomplished what we set out to do 3 years ago! The way I look at it, if The Lord wants us to move, the house will sell. If He doesn't, it wont'. I'm content to do what He wants, I know it will be for the best in the long run.

Has anyone told what a pain in the butt it can be, having your house up for sale??? I couldn't leave the house in the morning all week without making sure that every room was spotlessly clean. Who loves washing dishes at 8:00 in the morning? Not Me!!

That being said, I'm now done with work until after Christmas! Yay!!! Sleep-in time!!!

Although, not tomorrow morning....we have a showing at 10am....

Looks like another tummy-sleeper in the family!

We couldn't get that classic profile shot, because the poor little thing is spending it's days looking at my backside. But, we got awesome shots of the spine, you can see all the little vertebrae! If you look closely at the 2nd pic, you can actually see the baby has it's mouth wide open. (I'll leave it to the peanut gallery to make comments about that!) The bottom pic is actually a shot of one of the hands, right up beside the head.

Basically, the head is right down low, and the feet are sitting right up beside my belly button. I had a feeling that was the case - I've been getting some fairly strong kicks up top, and there's been some uncomfortable pressure lower down at times, so I was wondering if that might be the head hanging out down there. (speaking of which, I'm getting kicked like mad as I type! Soccer in utero??) While I have been feeling some kicks and bumps, I haven't felt a whole lot of the "flutterings" that other women talk about; this is probably because the placenta is located in the front - it's basically dampening all the smaller movements so I can't feel them. The kicks, on the other hand.....

I have to say, I left my ultrasound appointment this morning feeling a little apprehensive. It was great to see the little one, see the heart pumping away, see him/her squigle around...but at the end of the appointment, the tech said, "so, the baby looks fairly healthy"......what you mean, "fairly", Kemosabe?....it has me a little uptight. If he'd said "baby looks healthy", I would have gone away thinking, great! Baby is healthy! But, when you throw the "fairly" in there, it just gives it a whole different connotation...

...I'm seriously looking forward to my next appointment with my doctor now, to find out what "fairly" is supposed to mean....

...but that's another 2 weeks from now...

I'm on a rollercoaster right now. Not a literal one (although right now I feel like I am!), but it's been so crazy the last week or 2 that I can barely hold a coherent thought in my head.

Allow me to explain:

High: we signed the papers last night to list our house!
Low: the house is nowhere near ready for showing. We had very high hopes that we could list it and go on vacation, so they could show the house while we're not in it. Not gonna happen...

High: I've been promoted at work!
Low: I'm swamped with work, and the expectations are now higher than they were before...

High: I'm gonna be a mom!
Low: I can't get a referral to an OB, or call a midwife until I know where I'm going to be living by next spring....which brings us back to high/low #1....

Do I sound a little overwhelmed? Probably because I am! We are, as we speak, trying to do everything we can to clean up/finish up the house, while packing and preparing for a road trip...

I need a vacation....

I know, it's been forever since I posted. Again. But, let's face it, there's only been one thing I've actually wanted to write about, and I didn't want to let the secret out until now.

That's right, I'm having a baby; expecting; pregnant; preggers; preggo; in the family way; have a bun in the oven; (have I missed any?)

It's a bit scarey, really. I don't know a whole lot about wee ones! Anyone in my family will tell you, I HATED babysitting as a teenager, and would find any excuse to say "no" to anyone who asked me to. Didn't matter how much I would be paid, I just really didn't want to do it! Especially if they were asking me to babysit really little ones. Diapers and me don't mix too well! I also just didn't know how to relate to kids, how to converse with them, how to play with them, I just never really learned what to do with them.

So, here I am, wondering how I'm going to do this!

It's always been part of the "plan" to start a family. Someday. In the future. Eventually. When we're settled in a new house, in a new town, and we realize that we don't have any more excuses for delaying. But it was always one of those "someday" ideas in the backs of our minds. My attitude has always been, if The Lord wants us to have kids, we'll have them. If He doesn't, we won't.

...I guess He wants us to have kids.....(or at least, one, anyway! There's only one in there!)

Don't get me wrong, we're quite excited! Especially now that the oh-my-goodness-we're-having-a-baby shock has worn off. And the grandparents are Very excited. (yes, mom, I saw you go up to the cash desk in the children's store!) And I have to say, it's been fun seeing the reactions as we tell people. With everyone so excited for us, how can we not be excited ourselves?? Of course, we've had a few weeks to become accustomed to the idea, so we're not quite so giddy anymore. (well, I'm not anyway... I think Doug is another story...)

I guess what it all boils down to, is that we've started on a brand new journey, one that will take a lot of faith, a lot of patience, and will last the rest of our lives. Which isn't a bad thing! Like I read in an article about "40 reasons to be glad you're pregnant": we'll never be bored again!!

....guess it's been a while!!

I just realized I haven't blogged all summer! How pathetic is that?? It's not that there hasn't been stuff going on, I just haven't blogged about it. No excuses. Just...haven't...blogged...

I'm sorry!

Well, to catch you up, we went camping in July with Mom & Dad, and Phil & Sarah and the kids. Lots of fun!! We got to try out our "new" tent - not new as such, but new to us. You see, when Mom&Dad got a new trailer, Phil & Sarah took their old trailer. Phil & Sarah then gave us their larger tent in exchange for our smaller tent. It was beautiful! Can't wait to use it again!

The week was great, we camped at Pog Lake in Algonquin Park. One of my favorite spots! We even rented a canoe for the week, which was great. Pog Lake is a great jumping-off point for canoeing, you can go in 2 different directions into a couple of different lakes. Phil&Sarah also rented a canoe, so we were able to go out on a couple of excursions together. I'll post some shots on my photo blog soon for you to see.

One of the best things about the week was being able to hang out with Micaela and Ethan. I don't get to see them nearly enough, so it was great to be able to get to know them a little better. They can be so much fun, especially around a campfire. Ethan was a hoot, using his "spooky" voice to say good night every night. Between that and re-naming a restaurant "The Egg Pooper"... (the restaurant is actually called "The Mad Musher"...not sure where the connection is...)

Earlier this August, we celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. 6 years?!?!?!? Where did the time go???? It only seems like we've been married a couple of years!.... We had a nice day, we drove up to Huntsville via Collingwood...yes, I know, that's just a bit out of the way, but I'd never been up to the Wasaga Beach/Collingwood area, so it was fun to explore. Once we got to Huntsville, we had supper at one of our favorite "casual fine dining" spots, called 3 Guys and a Stove. We even sat out on the deck to eat, and it was really nice!

It's now the Labour Day weekend, and just about every year we've gone camping at Arrowhead Provincial Park. Except for this year. We've stayed home this time, Doug is hoping to get some serious work done on the house, so we can hopefully list it in September. Yah, I know, how many times have I said that?...(don't remind me!)... But seriously, the end is in sight. We've been able to get a lot of work done this year, and it's actually possible. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we can actually get it done this time, before the housing market falls any further.

Well, I think that about catches me up for now. For those of you who know about Marked By Love , we're at Eastwood Corps in Windsor next weekend (September 6-7) for their Rally Day Weekend. We're really looking forward to it! Might we see you there?....

Some are self-imposed.

Some are from other people.

But there are too many of them.

I can never live up to all the expectations people have of me, nor the ones I have of myself.

After all, I'm only one human.

But it's distressing. I'll put in a really good effort some days, then others I get so overwhelmed that I literally just curl up in a corner and try to shut everything out.

There are so many, from so many different sources...

...The expectation to be a loving, considerate, self-less, hard-working wife...

...The expectation to be a loving, considerate, thoughtful daughter and daughter-in-law...

...The expectation to be a loyal, considerate, thoughtful friend...

...The expectation to move...

...The expectation to produce children. (or grandchildren, or great-grandchildren, depending on the source)...

...The expectation to be fiscally responsible...

...The expectation to make wise decisions in everyday life, every day of my life...

...The expectation to be a loyal, productive, understanding, Christ-like member of a church...

...The expectation to be "flexible"...

...The expectation to be a loyal, productive, hard-working, conscientious employee...

...The expectation to live up to my potential...

...And the list goes on....

I've been wondering lately why my stress levels have been getting out of control. When I sat down and looked (really looked) at what's been happening in my life lately, I've realized that I have a lot of expectations placed on me, and I'm having a very difficult time living up to them all.

It causes me great distress when I let someone down.

It causes me great distress when I let myself down.

Sometimes I want to climb up on a hill, or the roof of a building, and just scream to the sky, "ENOUGH!!!"

I guess it's a case of prioritizing: whose expectations are the most important? Which expectations are the ones that really count in the long-run?

It's the type of question that I need a time-out from life to really be able to answer. There's no easy, clear-cut answer, because so many of the expectations are legitimate and important both in this life and the next.

But a "time-out" is not on the agenda for quite a while yet.

Right now, I'm just tired.

Tired of trying.

Tired of failing.

Just.

Plain.

Tired.

Somebody throw me a life-ring here?.....

SOOO.....

Here are a few shots from the Scrapping Cabin last weekend, at Jackson's Point. As you can see, we basically take over the place! It was a really fun weekend, didn't get a lot of sleep (but then, I didn't expect to!), and had to come home to get some rest, but it was a wonderful break from real life. And I even got some work done on my album!


This was the table where I sat, along with Carol (on the left), Pat (on the right), and Joanne (hiding behing the lamp). The lamp was an interesting addition, since neither Jo nor I had desk lights, and the lighting was rather poor in our corner...

Of course, the Cabin wouldn't be the Cabin without a few hijinx...the gnome at the top of the stairs had a motion sensor on it...so everytime someone walked up or down the stairs, it farted!

I'm in serious count-down mode!

I get to completely escape from life this weekend!

I'm not sure how many people know just how much I'm into scrapbooking. I tend to spend a rather silly amount of money on tools and supplies, but I love the challenge of putting a lay-out together, finding just the right colours and embellishments to go with a certain group of photos, finding just the right place for each piece of the "puzzle"...

A couple of ladies at my corps (that's "church" for the non-Sally-Ann-ers) introduced me to the "scrapping cabin" last year. It only took one experience and I was hooked! A bunch (ie. 35-40 or so) of scrapping ladies all get together at Jackson's Point (at the Salvation Army camp/conference center) and do nothing but scrap all weekend. No husbands, no kids, no Real Life... It's a blast! (and when I say scrap "all weekend", I'm not kidding - we regularly go until 2-3am before finally calling it a night, then start right back up at 9am!)

I'm sure there are those of you who are saying to yourselves at this point, "what in the world is so exciting about SCRAPBOOKING????" Well, it's not so much the scrapping (although that in itself can be a lot of fun and very satisfying), but it's the whole idea of hanging out with a whole lot of awesome people and having a TONNE of fun. I think I laughed the hardest I've ever laughed at last fall's cabin!

One of the great things about the Cabin is the completely relaxed and Christian atmosphere. There's so much camaraderie amongst us all, we really feel we can be ourselves - even though a lot of the women are strangers when we first get there! There's no gossiping, no back-biting, no cattiness that can sometimes define a "ladies weekend". Everyone is there to have a lot of fun and relaxation, and believe me, that's what we do!

One thing that I have noticed about these weekends, is that they always seem to come right when I need them the most. The last Cabin was last November, right after I had come through one of my more horrific months on memory, and the break from reality was just what I needed to re-charge. This weekend is no different. The last few weeks have been full of discouraging events, and this will be a much-needed escape from the "blahs" I've been fighting my way through. I need a good, long, gut-aching laugh! (and I'm certain I'll get more than one, if prior Cabin's have been any indication!)

Now, just one thing: don't expect to check this blog next week and find a lot of stories about the "antics" from the weekend, because there's just one rule that governs the Scrapping Cabin and its participants:

"What happens at the Cabin, STAYS at the Cabin!!"

(heehee, I can't wait!)

You know that very sinking feeling you get, when you've been on a very long journey, and you're sure you can see the finish line....and then find out it's only the half-way marker?

I'm there.

I thought we were almost done. Only a few things left to do.

I just found out how much we really have left to do.

I feel exhausted just thinking about it.

I'm at that point where I have to keep reminding myself to TRUST. God know's what He's doing, and He knows when He wants us where. But it's not easy right now, I want what I want, and I want it now!!

I hate waiting.

But God keeps reminding me to trust Him, not myself.

It will all work out the way it's supposed to.

Maybe if my head says that enough times, my heart will start to believe it....

...since I actually wrote anything on this blog. But, to be honest, I just haven't felt like writing.

It's not that I don't have anything to write about, I just haven't had the motivation, and for that matter, the words, to write it all down.

There have actually been times when I've thought that I'd like to write something on here, but then I decide no.....not really sure why, I just sit and find other things to do. Like play Scrabulous, or Sudoku, or browse Facebook...

At one point, I was considering writing down here everything I've been discovering in my bible study. My take on Galatians. The various interesting tid-bits I've been coming across in my research.

But then, I decide no....it's too much effort, and I'll just end up getting behind.

Maybe I just have too much going on -- trying to (FINALLY!) get this house on the market, taking CIP courses, practicing for Marked By Love engagements,......

Or maybe I'm just scared to start writing because I might post something I'll regret.

It hasn't been a particularly pleasant spring so far, and I hate being negative on here. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: The last thing I want is for this blog to become the place where I vent all my negative thoughts for all the world to see! Who wants to read that kind of negativity??

And so, I will follow that old piece of advice: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

Hopefully I'll start writing on here more, and hopefully I'll start posting more photos on my photo blog.

But, until then, I'll just keep on keeping up, keep the positive thoughts flowing, and see where the rest of this spring takes me.

I'm bad.

I'm very bad.

Always have been.

Probably always will be.

My self-control when it comes to anything chocolate is seriously lacking!

A good friend of mine recently blogged about her love of sweets. It really made me think of my own weakness for all things chocolate.

Like Kat, I too have a serious mouth-ful of sweet teeth. I'll always appreciate desserts, I love lots of maple syrup on my pancakes or french toast, I enjoy caramel flavouring in my coffee, and all sorts of confections. My first love, however, will always be chocolate! I think every dessert recipe I make has some form of chocolate in it, be it the chocolate chips, the chocolate pudding mix, the chocolate sauce....

I think I can honestly say, I've never met a chocolate I didn't like!

So, how do I combat it? It's not easy, let me tell you!

I've actually been pretty good at disciplining myself when I'm in the grocery store. Only buying that which I need for meals, passing by the bakery and the cookie isles...I'm usually pretty successful in getting up to the check-out counter without a lot of junk in my basket.

So, where does it all come from?...

Christmas is a bad time for me where chocolate is concerned. Most gifts we get from acquaintances are in the form of some sort of chocolate. And, when chocolate is in the house, it calls to me....saying, "eat me!"......and I can't resist. I usually justify it by saying, "the sooner I eat it, the sooner it's gone, and the sooner I can get back to staying away from it!"....which usually results in some serious chocolate binging.

My dear hubby doesn't help. He has a sweet tooth or two himself. If he goes into a grocery store, he invariably comes out with whatever baked goods happened to be on sale that day.

Work used to be somewhat of a sanctuary. Until they put in the vending machines in the lunch room. Then they put in coffee machines in the kitchenettes, which dispense some very lovely hot chocolate.

Argh.

I don't think a lot of people take it seriously when I refer to chocolate as an addiction. But I have to confess, the behaviours associated with my chocolate habits are very close to addiction! When it's in front of me, I can't help but reach for it. Once I start, I often can't stop myself until I'm actually feeling ill. I've replaced meals with chocolate bars, I've fought small children for the last chocolate-chip cookie, I've even been desperate enough to raid certain tupperware containers of chocolate chips... (sorry, mom)... and I still haven't out-grown it.

Time for a chocolate intervention?

Just don't steal my stash of chocolate chipits....

There's so much of it around these days.

The pain of a lost child...

The pain of a broken relationship...

The pain of ongoing conflict...

The pain of loneliness and depression...

It's everywhere. And I dare say there isn't a single person we interact with who isn't feeling some pain on some level.

There seems to be a perception out there that Christians should not be in pain. They should always be happy and joyful, because Jesus has taken away our sins, so there should be no pain to feel. If we are feeling pain, it's because our faith isn't strong enough, or because we're being punished for something....

BULLCRAP.

Christ's death and resurrection may have paid the price for our sins, and allow us to approach The Throne and accept the Mercy and Grace made available to us, but it doesn't mean we won't experience pain. We will still endure hardship, we will still suffer pain.

The difference is, we can lean on Him in our times of pain, and He can help us deal with the source of the pain. Being a Christian doesn't mean we have a "magic pill" to take away the pain of life in this world, but it does mean we have a refuge, a place where we can cry out and find comfort, and the strength to continue in spite of the pain.

So many times, I hear the question, "why do bad things happen to good people?" It goes back to that quote from Rick Warren in The Purpose-Driven Life: "God's not concerned about our comfort, He's concerned about our character". Everything is a lesson. Everything is preparation for the work He wants us to do. And unfortunately, some of us have to learn the hard way.

How can we comfort a grieving mother, if we haven't lost a child ourselves? How can we minister to a divorcee, if we haven't gone through the pain of separation/divorce ourselves? How can we understand the pain of unrelenting depression, if we haven't experienced it ourselves? Even God subjected Himself to the human experience, so He knows what we are going through. So many times, we'll look back on our times of pain, and realize that the experience prepared us for what was to come, and we'll find purpose in what initially appeared to be a meaningless horror.

I know it doesn't help to hear this when you're in the midst of unbearable pain. In fact, it's usually the last thing you want to hear. You just want the pain to stop, for things to seem "normal" again, for it all to just go away. And I can say that, because I've been there.

But we have the ultimate Shoulder to cry on. Even when we don't have the words, and just cry out, the Holy Spirit prays for us. The Lord won't necessarily take our pain away, but He will wrap His arms around us, quiet our souls, and give us the strength to endure. And just like that old "Footprints" poem, when we can't go any further on our own, He will pick us up, and carry us.

Life isn't supposed to be painless.

But it shouldn't be hopeless, either.