J9's Property

It's quite a unique group of people, one which some feel privileged to be part of, and some just put up with it.

It's the CSB Band Widows.

Yes, here I sit, 2 days after Christmas, a Band Widow once again...

It's an existence that's easiest to understand if it's something you've grown up with. I don't know how band wives who didn't grow up in the S.A. deal with it! Me? I've been attached to various bands (through my father) since I was an infant. I'm quite used to concerts, tours, long absences, missed birthdays... it's not really something toward which I feel any kind of animosity or resentment. (unless, of course, the band happens to be away during a massive snowfall or major plumbing issue.) It's something I've grown up with, and my Mom has certainly taught me (through example) ways to graciously endure the times when the CSB has, once again, kidnapped the men of the family.

(it usually involves some form of retail therapy!)

My Dad joined the CSB when I was only 6, and my brother was 9. I can honestly say, when I was growing up, I don't remember my Mom ever once speaking in a negative or derogatory manner about the time commitments demanded by the band. Mom was a single mother for days, even weeks at a time, but she never once let on to us if she was upset by it. (or maybe I was just oblivious?)(don't answer that)

There are a lot of interesting memories from years past:

- I can actually remember Dad's first long tour away with the CSB. It was in 1980 (I think), when the CSB did their tour of Western Canada. I can remember Mom hiding a couple of cards in Dad's luggage and music pad. I can very distinctly remember the note Mom found taped to her headboard that first night Dad was away: "I'd rather be sleeping with you, Dear!"

- There was the first tour of Australia & New Zealand in 1985, when the band was away for a month. Dad had to use up all his holidays to do the tour, so when we went camping later that summer, Dad drove the car up to Fair Havens, set up the trailer, then went home to work for the week. I don't remember Mom complaining...

- One year, Mom and I actually followed the band to England for the 1990 International Congress. It was my first time on an airplane, and off the North American continent. We had a lot of fun finding our own way around London, meeting up with the band at different venues and events, and then taking a 17-day tour of Western Europe. I'd love to go back someday.

- The latest bit of fun was Old Orchard Beach this past summer. I don't think I've laughed so hard as when the bunch of us CSB Widows were driving around Portland, Maine, trying to find that Appleby's! (the episode at the gas station was rather amusing as well!)

Anyone connected with the CSB would probably know that the first weekend of each month is reserved as the "CSB Weekend", when the band would schedule their weekends away. Anyone who knows me, will know that my birthday falls at the beginning of November. Deductive reasoning will reveal that, as a result, many a birthday was spent without Dad around. However, Dad always made it up to me, and over the years, we developed the tradition of Dad taking me out for dinner for my birthday - just the 2 of us. Those were very special dinners (although I sometimes had to BEG him not to embarrass me by having the waiters sing!), and believe me, I never complained!

All this helped prepare me for the day I actually married a CSB member. Some think I'm crazy, but I actually enjoy being associated with the band. (I guess there's a bit of pride in being associated with a world-renowned group!) Dad is still there, and my brother is now in the band as well, so when the CSB goes away, so do all the men in my immediate family! That's OK, Mom and I hang out a lot, and of course, when the men are away playing, the women go SHOPPING!! (deserves them right!)

Seriously, though, Mom was such a role model as to how to deal with being a band widow. Because she never showed resentment toward the band (at least she never showed it in front of us), I didn't resent the band as I grew up. Don't get me wrong, I missed my Dad when he was away, and I miss Doug when he's away. But, I don't get miserable about it. It's a fact of life I've grown up with, and I've learned that when someone you love is committed to something, the more you support them in that commitment, the better it is for all concerned. Complaining just makes everyone even more miserable...

Now, I say all this with one thing in mind: I'm not a mom. I'm not left to look after kids all by myself while the band's away, and when I do have kids, it may change my perspective. However, I can rest in the knowledge that I won't be the first Band Widow to also be a Band Single Mom. My Mom did it, my sister-in-law is doing it, and many other women who went before me have done it as well. I'm sure they'd be willing to share their wisdom on the subject when I'm in need of it. That's how we get through it: we support each other.

I am allowed to be jealous of the destinations, however! As I type, the CSB is in California. They're in San Diego right now, then they're off to Los Angeles, where they'll do a few concerts, and finish the trip by marching in the Tournament of Roses parade. (At least on this trip, I'll get to see them on TV!) There are exotic places the band has been, like Australia, New Zealand, and Brazil; they've been all over Western Europe, Scandinavia, and North America... Dad makes us laugh, whenever we're watching a Discovery Channel program about some country he's been to. Most times, we can't hear what the program narrator is saying - Dad's drowning them out, pointing out all the places he's been and repeating stories we've heard time and time again!

As long as there are bands, there will forever be band widows. The CSB Widows are a special lot - the commitments are in addition to the corps bands commitments, and believe-you-me, the CSB members are fully expected to be "exemplary bandmembers" at their own corps, so they have to be careful about missing anything at all. It can make for some lonely nights, and some down times, but there's always the "welcome home", and as Doug likes to say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, not wander......

....6 sleeps to go!.....

and yes, it is a Merry Christmas, indeed! (at least, so far!....)

We are FINALLY up and running with our ethernet connection at home. After hours on the phone, re-installing WindowsXP, and endless frustration (and a few choice words for certain techs in India), I was finally able to convince the powers-that-be at Dell that our motherboard needed replacing. I think they were still skeptical that it wasn't still a software issue, but the guy came yesterday, installed the new motherboard, and what do you know! We're back online!

IT'S ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME!!!

Now comes the fun part: re-installing all the programs and downloading all the documents, photos, and songs that were wiped....but that's something for another day.... I'm just glad to be back online in my own house!

It's actually starting to look like Christmas around here. We finally got the tree in the house last weekend (it had been sitting in our porch in a bucket of water for 3 weeks!), and I finally had the time to decorate it on Monday. I have to admit, it was kinda weird pulling out the Christmas decorations from the cupboard downstairs -- when I packed them away last year, I didn't think I'd be pulling them out in this house again. Oh, well, the best laid plans.... I guess the Lord just didn't want us moving quite yet. It's frustrating for me, I was really hoping to be out of Scarborough by now, but I'm hoping that will happen this next year. It's really time to get out of here...

Speaking of having packed things away, I have no idea where all my tealights are....I know they're in a box, packed by my mom and me last summer....where, I have no idea....I have all these Christmas candle holders out, and no candles to put in them!!

Anyway, it's nearly Christmas Eve! It's really snuck up on me this year, I must have been busy, or pre-occupied, or something. Christmas has always been a very special time of year to me, time to get together with family that I don't get to see very often, eat until we can eat no more, and celebrate that original Silent Night. It's really sad the way things have degraded into such commercialism, greed, and political correctness that the real reason for the holiday is completely lost - and not by accident!! Whenever you try to remind anyone of Christ, they don't want to hear it. The response so often is, "Christmas isn't about Christianity anymore". Well, then what's it about? Why celebrate it? If all Christmas is to you, is parties and gifts, then you're really missing out! The Greatest Gift Of All wasn't found in the electronics department, He was found by shepherds in a cowshed. If you don't believe it, then just wait - you'll find out sooner or later, and it may just be too late by the time you do figure it out. I pray that doesn't happen....

In the mean time, I'm going to say those words that so many are so afraid to say these days:

I've had enough people ask me what I want for Christmas, that I thought I'd post a list here! If you're still not sure what to get me, here are some ideas:

I love to read. Books will always be a safe bet. Especially anything by Francine Rivers or Frank Peretti. Books I already have by those authors are: Francine Rivers - Mark of the Lion series (all 3), Leota's Garden, and The Scarlet Thread; Frank Peretti - The Visitation, Monster. I think that's all, I'm going by memory since most of my older books are still in boxes. (and won't be out of them until after I move!) I'd love to get copies of Redeeming Love, The Atonement Child, and And The Shofar Blew (all by F. Rivers); also This Present Darkness & Piercing the Darkness, and Prophet (all by F. Peretti) I've read most of them, but I would love to actually have them so I can re-read them whenever I want. I'd also love to get my hands on the Chronicles of Narnia (C.S. Lewis) - the entire set. I've seen them in boxed sets, but I've also seen all 7 books in one volume.

I can always use clothing for work! I have found that Jacob has a lot of nice stuff, and it fits well. (I take a size Small) RW&Co is also nice, and Reitmans has nice stuff on occasion, although I find their clothing doesn't fit as nicely.

I'm a scrapbooker. Anything, from tools to supplies, I'll always appreciate receiving. Just be sure any paper, ink, stickers, etc. are acid & lignin free. Brass plates for dry embossing are great, too.

DVD's. Our collection is rather pathetic at the moment. I think we have the Matrix series, Ray, The Bourne Identity, A Fish Called Wanda, The Incredibles, Shrek2, Madagascar, Finding Nemo, The Princess Bride, and that's about it! I'd love to get DVD copies of Shawshank Redemption, Dead Poets Society, and any others on my favorites list. I think the list would also give you a good idea of the genre's I tend to enjoy. James Bond movies are usually a good bet as well.

Does that give you enough to go on? I really can't think of anything else...

If I can ever find out what Doug wants for Christmas, I'll post that as well.....

Argh.

That's all I have to say right now.

Argh.

Between Doug and me, we've spent the better part of 5 hours dealing with Rogers, then Dell, then Rogers again, then back to Dell....

Our cable internet connection still isn't working.

We still don't know why.

Argh.

We know for a fact it isn't the cable modem.

We know for a fact it's something to do with the ethernet connection in our computer. Do you think the Dell guys can figure it out?

Argh.

I am, for a fact, typing this blog on my own computer. We've actually connected up our phone line, and transferred the dial-up info from the Ancient Decrepid IBM Stinkpad, and actually now have some semblance of internet access at home, albeit extremely...........slow..........

So, I can't complain too much.

But, still.....

Argh.

Ah, Christmas. The decorations, the carols, the hustle-and-bustle....

....the Salvation Army Christmas Kettles....

They're everywhere. Kettles (or "bubbles", as they've come to be known in Canada) pop up everywhere each December: in malls, in grocery stores, on street corners... Sometimes accompanied by a small brass group playing carols, but always manned by at least one person: the Kettle Worker.

Ah, the memories...the sore feet, tired back, aching face muscles (gotta keep smiling, you know!)...kinda makes me glad I don't do them anymore! There are those, of course, for whom the Kettles are a major area of ministry. And to them I say, God Bless You!

I have to admit, the people-watching did make it interesting at times. It seems we were magnets for people needing directions - I even had someone ask me how to find Don Brown Funeral Home! It was also amusing, in a way, to hear the various excuses people would give as to why they "couldn't" put any money in the bubble. I guess some people felt a little guilty? Of course, the most oft-heard line was, "I gave at the office"...yeah, like we all haven't heard that one before! I think the funniest was the lady who asked for directions to the funeral home - she told me she couldn't give anything because she was on disability.... (that bad, eh?).....

It was also interesting to watch the reactions when someone I knew would see me on the Kettle. People I knew from the Army would always stop and chat, offer some encouragement, and sometimes a coffee. The really nice ones would offer to watch the Kettle while I took a pee break! People I knew from outside the Army, though, were very different. They would comment about me "getting some volunteer work in", or look at me with a "Huh?" expression on their faces. Some actually chose to ignore me altogether, although I don't if it might just have been a case of not recognising me -- we do tend to look entirely different when we're in uniform. (especially back in the days of ladies' hats!!)

And, of course, I'll never forget the contest each year between me and Barb Beattie: whoever made more in their Kettles over the season got a Tim Horton's coffee from the loser. I seem to recall getting a free coffee every Christmas!....

It's been interesting to see the evolution of the Kettles and their workers over the years. When I was working them (as a teenager and early twenties), it was un-heard-of to man a Kettle while not wearing full Salvation Army uniform (hats included!). We had guidelines to follow: no sitting down, unless it is just for a couple of minutes an hour to rest, no leaving your post unless it's a medical emergency, wear full uniform, or if you don't have a uniform, something equally dressy, smile, say "Thank you, Merry Christmas!" to all who dropped so much as a penny in the bubble...

Oh, how times have changed....

I cringed (both inwardly and outwardly) the year that all Kettle workers were provided with WalMart-like bibs to wear, and those in uniform were actually told NOT to wear uniform. Huh?? Talk about scruffy-looking! I actually had a gentleman come up to me one year, and tell me that he had stopped donating to the Kettles, because the Army was manning their Kettles with un-uniformed people! Not that that's a legitimate reason for not giving, but it just goes to show how the public perceives the importance of uniform.

I do have an on-going complaint, though. It's about these bored-looking people dressed in jeans and sweaters, slouched on a bench or chair, broadcasting on their faces the foremost thought in their head: "WHEN WILL THIS ETERNAL SHIFT END???" I can't deny thinking that very thought on some of my own shifts in the past, but it's another thing to act like it! Paste a smile on your face, pretend this is something you really want to do, and believe it or not, the shift will actually go faster!! (and I'm sorry, it really annoys me when a Kettle worker says "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"!!!)

One of the longest-running debates I've come across when it comes to the Kettles, is the issue of volunteer vs. paid Kettle-worker. One shift, I had an older lady approach me (with a bit of a superior air), and comment, "I heard in my ladies group that you people actually get PAID to attend these Kettles." My only response could be the truth: yes, we did get paid. "Oh," was her response, as she turned away (with nose in the air). Well, Merry Christmas to you, too! I guess there are those who feel that it's an absolute sin to be paid to work for the Army.

To those who don't understand the process or situation, let me explain. Since most Kettles are located in shopping centres, it's actually law that the workers be paid. (at least, that's my understanding) It's not like they're paid a whole lot - usually minimum wage. The worker does not get a percentage of the Kettle money, in fact, the wages come from an entirely different bank account. There certainly are those workers who prefer to consider themselves volunteers, and I have seen many a worker endorse their pay cheque, and either hand it right back to the person who gave it to them, or put it into the next Kettle they see. What they do with that money is their prerogative.

Do you think you're in a position to judge a Kettle worker as to whether they should be paid, or volunteer? Consider this: when I attended Stoney Creek Corps, there were many Kettle workers who weren't even members of the church. They were actually people who were unemployed, on government assistance, or just couldn't make enough at their "day job" to make ends meet. The opportunity to work on the Kettles allowed them to earn money so they could actually have a Christmas. I, for one, was a university student when I worked the Kettles, so the money I earned was desperately needed to pay for school, and to afford to buy gifts for my family that I otherwise would not have had the money to buy.

The Army provides assistance in many ways. The funds from the Kettles themselves go to fund toys for children, and meals for the hungry. The wages paid to Kettle workers assist the workers through the Christmas season. Think about it: would you go and stand in one place (sometimes a very cold place) for hours at a time, if you didn't have to? And don't forget, you have no way of knowing if that person is actually keeping their wages, or if they're handing the money right back to the Army.

And quite frankly, it's none of your business.

I have to admit, though, now that Kettle season is once again upon us, I'm kinda glad that I'm too busy to work any Kettles. Who knows, I may work them again in the future, but only if I have a really, really comfortable pair of shoes....

...and a whole lot of patience.....