J9's Property

Go ahead, make your jokes.... I know I have a big mouth. Well, not literally, but my mouth very often does take off before the brain is in gear. I've hurt a lot of people that way.

I get myself into trouble in 2 ways: something I've said, or the way I said it.

"Something I've said": I most often screw up in the area of blurting secrets that shouldn't be shared. A word of advice: if you're telling me something that you don't want discussed, tell me outright that I'm not to discuss it! If I know up front, you'll have a much better chance of me not saying something!! My problem is, I get caught up in a conversation, and in my attempt to enter or continue in a conversation, I may bring something up that really shouldn't have been. I can't count the number of times that I've said something, only to regret it minutes later.

"The way I said it": my other extremely annoying conversation trait (which I hate most of all), is that too many times, I'll say something and have it come across in a way that sounds snobbish, condescending, patronizing, or just plain rude and impatient. Once again, the mouth is in gear before the brain has had a chance to temper what I'm saying. So many times, the way I speak is very off-putting to say the least, and can actually be quite hurtful to others.

I'm sorry.

I don't do it on purpose. (or "on-purposely", as I used to say as a kid) I don't realise what I've done until well after the fact, and often by that time, it's too late to take it back. All I can do is apologise, and try to do better next time. James (the biblical one) was right about our need to "tame the tongue", because it very often is the source of needless conflicts, and it inflicts unnecessary pain. It's something I've been working on, but I'm not sure if I'm really seeing any improvements yet. I guess when the stress levels go up, I tend to lose patience more quickly, and that's when most of the trouble occurs. That's no excuse, though, and I can't let myself get away with it.

I have one request: If I've said something to you, and you don't like either what I've said, or the way I've said it, or even both, please call me on it! Maybe, if enough people tell me what I'm doing wrong when I do it, I'll better be able to keep that pesky mouth of mine in check....

We received some sad news this week. Leslie & Jamie's wee babe has gone to be with The Lord. I know it must be devastating for them, but they have some great support in their family, and especially in Leslie's mom. Their kids are a great source of comfort, too. Keep them all in your prayers, would ya?

Yeah, I know, it's not "officially" winter yet. According to the calendar, anyway. The dusting of snow and the frost are stating otherwise!!

We're back from Sanibel, and it was a good trip! Weather was great, we did some stuff that we've been wanting to do for a while, and it was restful and relaxing. As usual, though, all positive effects from the vacation have already disappeared here at work -- I'm already finding myself standing in the printer/copier/fax room at work, thinking to myself, "why did I walk over here?..." YIKES.

Anyway, a quick computer update: our home computer is still not functional, at least where the internet is concerned. My good friend Donna played with it while we were away, and it appears we may have positively-identified the problem -- we'll know more when we get the computer back from her, and find out if it works the same way with our modem as opposed to hers....then it's a case of deciding what course of action to take. On the bright side, we found out how to check our home email address on the web, so it's not building up a stupid amount of bulk emails!

Can you believe Christmas is just over a month away??? I can't!!! It will start to sink in this Saturday, when the Rayment family embarks on the Great Christmas Tree Hunt. It's a tradition, where we all meet at a tree farm, and tromp out into the bush to cut down our very own White Pine. Some of you may be thinking that it's a bit early to be getting a tree, but when you're in the Army, your Saturdays get booked up really fast in December. In fact, this Saturday will be the last open Saturday between now and Christmas!!

Time to get busy! It's really silly how busy we all get with the Christmas season. If we aren't careful, the busy-ness can result in us completely missing the enjoyable aspects of Christmas. So many people get so caught up in finding the right gifts (and usually breaking the bank), getting the decorating done, entertaining, etc, that the more important things either can't be enjoyed, or get ignored altogether. It's really very sad...

I'm finding one of the most frustrating things about Christmas is trying to decipher who will respond positively to "Merry Christmas", and who will chastise me for not using the politically-correct "Season's Greetings" or "Happy Holidays". The ironic thing is that so many people insist on "Happy Holidays", not realising that the origin of the word Holiday is "Holy Day"!! Kinda makes me chuckle sometimes...

Anyway, enough soap box for one day. I'm just going to enjoy the season as much as I can, and make the most of each event/get-together/party/concert/whatever!

Yeah, OK, so anyone who has ever met me, let alone taken the time to get to know me, will have a pretty good idea that I am much more of an introvert than extrovert. There just has never been any question of that! Other aspects of my personality, though, apparently can be a little less obvious...

This has come to my attention as a result of some personality profiling we recently participated in at work. Apparently, there are some "communication issues" in our team, so the powers-that-be decided that personality profiling may help us to learn to communicate better with each other.... (the members of my team are in agreement: we all get along great, and work together quite well. It's the communication with the team leader that is problematic!)

Never-the-less, we all took the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator. Tell me if you agree with what M-B says about me:

- Insightful, conceptual, and creative (creative?)
- rational, detached, and objectively critical
- likely to have a clear vision of future possibilities (not sure about that one!)
- apt to enjoy complex challenges
- likely to value knowledge and competence; apply high standards to themselves and others
- independent; trust their own judgements and perceptions more than those of others
- usually seen by others as private, reserved, and hard to know

I won't argue with that last descriptor - I've been accused in the past of acting "snobbish". A lot of people never realized that I was actually painfully shy, and just didn't know how to act around people I didn't know. (you know, your classic introvert!)

I was actually surprised to hear from my Mom that the M-B type I wound up with was just like hers, the first time she did the M-B. I have always thought that my personality was very much like my father's, with the main difference being that he's a total extrovert. But, I guess the more I think about it, the more similarities I see between me and my Mom.

I had to question some of the results of this "testing", though. When they went through the descriptions of the various aspects of the profiles (ie. extrovert vs introvert, sensing vs. intuitive, thinking vs feeling, judging vs perceiving), there were times when I couldn't decide which I should be, because I had strong tendencies on both sides. For example, Judgers like a planned, organized, structured environment, something which I thrive in, but Perceivers take a long time to make decisions because they weigh every option, and look at every possibility, which is certainly one of my characteristics. Hmmm..... (M-B has me listed as a Judger)

I guess what it all boils down to, there are ranges and variations within the personality types, and no one "test" is going to get everything 100% correct. (I mean, come on, the M-B had one of the most introverted members of our team listed as an extrovert!!) It does help, though, to give some insight as to why some people react certain ways in certain situations, and helps us to understand them better, if we're willing to make the effort to understand them. All this is for naught, if we've got a personality trait like, "Trusts their own judgements and perceptions more than those of others"! I know only too many people who use the excuse of, "that's just the way I am, and I'm not going to change!" argh.

One thing I know I've done over the years, is I've learned to encorporate aspects (preferrably the positive ones) of other personality types. I've learned not to criticize so much, and to do my best to pick out the positive as well as the negative when giving someone feedback. I've learned to temper the way I say things, so as not to be offensive in my delivery. I've also learned to be a little more out-going.

Some things will never change, though. Let's face it! Deep down, I'll always be a classic, stubborn introvert, who thrives on structure and routine, and who will always be her own worst critic!!

I just re-read my last post. It's really quite negative, isn't it? That really wasn't my intention with this site, I don't want it to end up being one big, long list of complaints. I'd like to think I'm not that negative!!

I am going to make a concious effort to keep the majority of my posts positive, and maybe even a bit humorous. I won't kid myself, there will be days where this will be my avenue of venting, but I'm going to try to keep that to a minimum.

Just as a post-script to Friday's post, the day ended a little better than it started. I actually had a face-to-face with a higher manager, who assured me that the situation was being dealt with. Whether it actually is or not, I won't venture to guess. I'm content to their assurance at face value that the offending party has been spoken to regarding her behaviour. I know I'm probably being naive, but it's always been in my nature to give other people the benefit of the doubt.

And I have to say thank-you to all of you who have expressed their support for me. It's been a real struggle here at the office to keep a positive attitude with so much going on, and it's a real boost when you have friends to help you through!

Right now, I'm in the midst of trying desperately to get 2-weeks-worth of work done in 4 days...only 4 more sleeps until SANIBEL!!! Can't wait to get to Jerry's, Pinnochio's, the Island Cow, the Bean, the BEACH..... (am I making you jealous yet?...) Most of all, I'm just looking forward to a break where I can sit around and do what I want, when I want! I think Doug's going to rent a scooter again, it's a poor substitute for a motorbike (in his mind, anyway), but it's fun to zip around the island on it. Yee-Ha!!

If you're not in the mood to listen to (or in this case, read about) a total rant, then stop right now.

This ain't gonna be pretty.....

We've been having a lot of difficulties at work lately. The job stress level is extremely high in my line of work, but over the past year or so, we've been having to deal with a very high level of office stress as well. Doesn't make for a particularly productive or enjoyable work environment!

I've watched my teammates deal with stress coming at them from the "powers that be" (ie. our immediate supervisors and lower-level management). It's been one unfortunate incident after another, where people are targetted, put-down, disrespected, and just overall, treated in a very lousy fashion. We've been regimented in the most silly ways, while important questions are answered with "I'll look into that and get back to you..."

And they wonder why morale is so low....

Well, today was my turn. Up until now, I've pretty much managed to fly under the radar, so-to-speak. I pride myself in having the ability to see a situation from multiple points of view, and to understand where another person is coming from in any given conflict. I am also very concious of how I express myself, and am probably one of the most diplomatic people on my team. (I'm not kidding myself, my teammates agree with that point of view) And yet, I am led to believe that in this latest instance, it is I who needs to "be more respectful".

I'm sorry, but when a person is interrupted and talked-over, it is not an example of professionalism. And yet, this was my experience today. When a person who is in authority is rude, and interrupts you, is this not an example of how NOT to communicate?? What is my recourse? We've tried (as a team) to explain to the higher eschelon (as well as HR) that we have been experiencing this kind of behavior, and have asked to have something done about it, but all we've gotten is political nonsense about how "we all need to learn how to communicate with each other".....I'm sorry, the communication problem does not lie with us peons!!!

Sorry, I've had enough. I've suffered through more than a year of crap, and have found ways to justify it, live with it, brush it off, and sweep it under the carpet in the name of Diplomacy. No more. I was not rude or disrespectful in any way in what I said, or the way I said it. And yet, when it was said that "we all need to be respectful in our delivery", it was I who was looked at, not the person who was actually rude and disrespectful!

It doesn't help that this all happened after we were delivered what I refer to as the last straw: it is being regimented as to how we are to celebrate in the office. Why would someone want something as personal and individual as their birthday turned into an instituted "thou shalt do it this way" event to be shared by all who have a birthday in any given month? I agree with my one teammate: it's really quite offensive! (M-E, thanks for speaking up!)

Some of you who decided to keep reading this, may be asking yourselves: "what is she so upset about? It's not like a rude comment or a shared birthday party is the end of the world. Get over it!" Well, let me refer you to the prior paragraph where I used the term "last straw". This is just one example in a thousand of how my colleagues and I have been treated in general over the last year or so.

Quite frankly, I've had enough. And I'm not alone.

OK, I just read what may be my favorite Halloween story yet. And it's a true one!

My friend Cheryl keeps us all updated on her space, moulandspace.spaces.live.com . Her last post is all about the goings-on in the Mouland household on Halloween this year. You see, her husband Terry is a funeral director. It seems there was some question as to whether he was going to make it back from a pick-up run in time to go trick-or-treating with the kids. As it turned out, he managed to catch up with them part-way through the evening -- in the hearse!!

Can you imagine looking out your door/window on Halloween night and seeing a hearse in front of your house??? They got a lot of freaked-out looks, and earned a few laughs as well. Apparently, one guy came running to his door, shouting "No! I'm not ready to go yet!!"

For the full story, go to Cheryl's blog and check it out. She's got photos posted, too!

I just hope Terry didn't get in trouble!....

Took a trip down memory lane yesterday...

I had a work meeting at my old high school, of all places! It was a planning meeting for one of my clients, who is a student there. Talk about deja-vu! It may have been 14 years since I stepped foot in the halls of OP, but I tell ya, it felt like I never left!

There were some changes, of course. A little re-organising here, a little re-decorating there...but all-in-all, it was still my high school. I'm not sure how I feel about my memories of high school, some are good, others I'd rather not have brought up. I wasn't the most popular kid, for the most part, I was very awkward, socially inept, and pretty much a loner. I really didn't hang out with a lot of people, with the exception of a few kids on the track/cross-country teams. I really enjoyed being part of that crew, but since track tends to be an individual sport as opposed to a team sport, there isn't the camraderie you gain through other sports teams like soccer, volleyball, basketball, etc. The closest you come in track is a relay team. And I'm proud to say, I was a member of one of the most successful relay teams in the school (and area!) for 4 years.

I really haven't kept in touch with any of my friends from high school. We all went our separate ways in university/college, or through work, etc. Being the loner that I was, I didn't know how to maintain connections with friends and acquaintances. It makes for a lot of "I wonder where so-and-so is these days..."

I was really quite excited when I found out that OP was having a reunion last summer, I thought that maybe I'd connect with some old friends again. Alas, it was not to be. Of all the OP alumni that contacted the reunion website and message board, there was a severe lack of respondents from my years. It was really quite interesting -- there were tons of people from the years before I started, and tons from the years after I graduated, but there seemed to be this big, black hole for the years I was there. (for those who are wondering, I went to Orchard Park high school from 1987 to 1992) I was really hoping I could connect with some of the old track team from those years.

Oh, well....

Am I sounding a little maudlin? I hope not! I'm just reminiscing a little, and wishing some things could have been different. I do tend to look forward, though. I know I'm a much better person than I was back then. I still have the same feelings of awkwardness and shyness, especially when I'm in a new, unfamiliar situation, but I've learned how to deal with it in a way that doesn't isolate me from social opportunities. And there are some great memories from back then, especially when I think about the track and cross-country meets. I guess it really was the athletics that helped me get through high school.

So to all my old track buddies from OP, thank you! Chris Conroy, Shane Cooke, Stevan Ivancevic, Wheels (Julie Start), Tracy Depass, Brenda Marsillo, Dan Dumouchel, and we can't forget Mr. Roddy! (may the Roddy Shuffle live on!!) I hope you all were able to follow the path you wanted when we all parted ways in the early '90's, and that you are all well.

OK, enough living in the past, on to the future!....