J9's Property

There's so much of it around these days.

The pain of a lost child...

The pain of a broken relationship...

The pain of ongoing conflict...

The pain of loneliness and depression...

It's everywhere. And I dare say there isn't a single person we interact with who isn't feeling some pain on some level.

There seems to be a perception out there that Christians should not be in pain. They should always be happy and joyful, because Jesus has taken away our sins, so there should be no pain to feel. If we are feeling pain, it's because our faith isn't strong enough, or because we're being punished for something....

BULLCRAP.

Christ's death and resurrection may have paid the price for our sins, and allow us to approach The Throne and accept the Mercy and Grace made available to us, but it doesn't mean we won't experience pain. We will still endure hardship, we will still suffer pain.

The difference is, we can lean on Him in our times of pain, and He can help us deal with the source of the pain. Being a Christian doesn't mean we have a "magic pill" to take away the pain of life in this world, but it does mean we have a refuge, a place where we can cry out and find comfort, and the strength to continue in spite of the pain.

So many times, I hear the question, "why do bad things happen to good people?" It goes back to that quote from Rick Warren in The Purpose-Driven Life: "God's not concerned about our comfort, He's concerned about our character". Everything is a lesson. Everything is preparation for the work He wants us to do. And unfortunately, some of us have to learn the hard way.

How can we comfort a grieving mother, if we haven't lost a child ourselves? How can we minister to a divorcee, if we haven't gone through the pain of separation/divorce ourselves? How can we understand the pain of unrelenting depression, if we haven't experienced it ourselves? Even God subjected Himself to the human experience, so He knows what we are going through. So many times, we'll look back on our times of pain, and realize that the experience prepared us for what was to come, and we'll find purpose in what initially appeared to be a meaningless horror.

I know it doesn't help to hear this when you're in the midst of unbearable pain. In fact, it's usually the last thing you want to hear. You just want the pain to stop, for things to seem "normal" again, for it all to just go away. And I can say that, because I've been there.

But we have the ultimate Shoulder to cry on. Even when we don't have the words, and just cry out, the Holy Spirit prays for us. The Lord won't necessarily take our pain away, but He will wrap His arms around us, quiet our souls, and give us the strength to endure. And just like that old "Footprints" poem, when we can't go any further on our own, He will pick us up, and carry us.

Life isn't supposed to be painless.

But it shouldn't be hopeless, either.

It's interesting to see the number (and variety) of debates you can find when the Christmas season rolls around.

Take, for example, the endless debate of the artificial versus the real Christmas Tree.

(and yes, it's a Christmas Tree, not a "Holiday Tree"....don't get me started on that one)

Me, I've always had a real one. Preferrably a White Pine, the one with the long, soft needles. Very pretty with a nice set of white lights on it, the whole tree seems to glow when you turn them on.

A lot of people opt for the artificial route. I have heard many reasons for this: less mess, less maintenance, less over-all concern especially if there are little ones and pets underfoot.

If these are your reasons, I can't say I blame you. A real tree does require regular waterings if you want it to stay looking nice through the holidays. Regular waterings also help to keep the tree relatively fire-resistant. Some trees are messier than others, although I have to say the the White Pines we get tend to be fairly clean - not a lot of needle-shed. And if the tree does get knocked over, there is the issue of the water on the floor/carpet/whatever it's sitting on.

But as far as I'm concerned, the extra effort is worth it! Yes, artificial trees are getting nicer and nicer (and more expensive!), but in my book, nothing compares to a real tree. It's become a tradition for all of us Rayments to make the trek out to the tree farm every year for the Great Christmas Tree Hunt. And when you get the freshly cut tree into the house, you can smell the nice, (real!) pine scent in your living room...

Now, there is one argument against real trees that I really can't understand. It's the environmental argument. Apparently, there are many who advocate artificial trees as being preferable for the environment, because you're not cutting down a tree (and therefore denuding the natural world for your own decoration), and you're not putting a tree into the landfills every year.

If you are of the opinion that artificial trees are better for the environment, I invite you to consider the following points:

1. No harmful chemicals, man-made materials, or pollution were used or produced in the manufacturing of my tree. OK, with the exception of the odd pesticide. But other than that, my tree is made entirely of natural fibres.

2. The tree I cut down was grown on a tree farm, for the specific purpose of being cut down and used as a Christmas Tree. Also, every time I cut down a Christmas tree, the tree farmer plants another one in it's place. It seems to me that one of the big "environmentally conscious" things to do, is to go out to a clear cut area and plant saplings to replace the trees harvested by the lumber industry. I'm only cutting down one tree a year, and it is immediately replaced by the owner of the tree farm.

3. When I am finished with my tree, it is 100% biodegradable. While, yes, it may take up space in a landfill, it will break down as naturally as any other tree in a forest which has died of natural causes. Let me ask you: what happens to all those artificial trees when they aren't so nice-looking anymore, or are just plain out-of-style? How well do they break down in a landfill? If they are "recycle-able", how much pollution is produced by the recycling plant in the recycling process?

I couldn't believe it when I actually read an article about having a "green Christmas" (read that, "environmentally friendly" Christmas), and it actually encouraged people to buy artificial trees. In my opinion, the environmentally friendly thing to do is to buy a real tree from a tree farmer. The uses for the tree when you are done are numerous: mulch, firewood, crafts, to name just a few, and the whole process is entirely natural.

If you prefer an artificial tree because you have littles ones or pets, or you simply can't care for a real tree, then I won't argue with you. That's a case of personal preference, and I have no problem with that.

But if you try to tell me that having an artificial tree is the environmentally friendly thing to do, be prepared for an argument.

Because unlike my tree, your arguments just don't hold water.

My neck and shoulder hurt.

I've come down with my first cold of the season.

And I have to write a 3-hour final exam on Wednesday!!!

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Advent starts this week.

Stores are in full Kris Kringle mode.

Houses are getting decorated, trees are being cut/set up/decorated.

So why doesn't it feel like Christmas?

I must have too much going on in my mind. Too many thoughts, too many events, too much news (most of it not particularly positive)...

Maybe I'll feel it more after tomorrow night, when we have the annual Christmas With The Salvation Army concert at Roy Thomson Hall.

Maybe I'll feel it more after my exam (for which I really should be studying right now) on Wednesday.

Maybe once my living room is finished, and I can actually put up my own Christmas tree and decorations... (what's that old saying about hope springing eternal?...)

I'm finding it hard to believe that it will be December tomorrow. What happened to October?...oh, never mind, I know only too well what happened to October. I'm still recovering from October. November was certainly a better month, what I can remember of it.

The retail business is certainly pulling out all the stops in trying to get everyone into the Christmas spirit. I just wish their Christmas spirit was the same as my Christmas Spirit. Imagine how much more enjoyable Christmas would be, if it were all about getting together with family and friends, going to parties, hosting parties, celebrating the actual reason we have a holiday (read that, Holy Day) at all. No blown bank accounts and huge credit card debts. No stressing out about what to buy that person who "has it all". No hassles in crowded stores, no fighting over that Big Ticket Item that always seems to crop up every year.

I think it was Madonna (ironic?) and her husband who said that they stopped having Christmas as the secular world knows it. No presents in their house. Just spending time together. For once, I think she's actually done something I can truly admire. I don't know what her motives are, but the idea certainly has merit. Wouldn't you find Christmas more enjoyable? I really think I would.

Just think, no whiney kids when they don't get what they want, or don't get as much as they think they should, or think their sibling got more stuff than they did. No pretending to like something that you know you'll never use, just so you don't offend the person who thought it was perfect for you. No resentment from buying that gift for that person you really don't like, but feel you have to buy for out of duty. No false-ness, no shallowness, no stress, NO COMMERCIALISM...

Whadaya think? Can we get back to basics? Or has Christmas been hijacked to such an extent that it's lost to us forever?

I suppose it may be too much to ask. The western world has become so secularized (or should I say, anti-Christian) that the public perception of Christmas really has become "X-mas" - taking Christ right out of it. Heck, you hardly even hear it called "Christmas" anymore, it's "the holidays". People don't say "Merry Christmas" anymore, it's "Happy Holidays", or my personal pet-peeve, "Season's Greetings". (blech!) Christmas is Santa Claus, perfectly wrapped presents,
fancy Christmas Trees decorated in the most modern style (is it still the big, colourful ribbons with coordinated ornaments? Or is that passe this year?)...

It's really quite sad, if you ask me.

Maybe it'll start to feel like Christmas when I can sit down with my family, relax, and just enjoy being with them. Maybe when I can put the focus where it should be, on a manger in Bethlehem, and on a wee Babe who would change the course of history. No big concerts, no big productions, no big, bright, flashy displays.

Just me, my family, and Him.

Read here.

Can't blame ya, Les!

I'm managing.

Vacations are wonderful things for getting away from life, clearing one's head, reducing one's stress levels, but they can also cause further stress....and I'm not just referring to my husband getting sick right when we were supposed to be heading home! It's been the worst autumn I can remember. One thing on top of another on top of another. I feel so beat up right now, I can't roll with any more punches.

But I do feel as though I have a better handle on things now. I still miss Fay. I look over at her empty desk, and I miss her. I see all the exciting changes happening in the office, and I miss her.

But I'm managing. My head isn't quite so foggy. I feel I can function again.

The piles of paper at work aren't going away. They're actually only going to get worse in the next while, and I'm behind already due to being away for a week.

But it's manageable.

I have a temporary team leader. I now know who my new permanent team leader will be, once the Grand Shuffle is completed in our department. I will also have an entirely new team to work with, and a new desk mate to get to know. I also know where my new desk will be, and I actually move into it on Monday. Which means I have to find time tomorrow to pack up my current desk.

But it's manageable.

If I can take that next breath, tackle that next piece of mail, make that next phone call,....

I can manage.

I can manage, in spite of the latest news, which I'm still trying to absorb. "C" is now closer to home than I've ever wanted it to be. There are a lot of positive aspects to this news, but the natural reaction is still one of fear, worry, concern...

I can manage, in spite of the ongoing upheaval of a house undergoing constant renovations. Still lots left to do.

But, I can manage.

When we were driving to Florida a couple of weeks ago, it rained most of the way. At one point, we were driving through the mountains of West Virginia (or it might have been Virginia...not sure), and the rain let up a bit; the sun shone through a little; and a huge, beautiful, full-arch rainbow appeared right beside us.

And I heard that still, small, voice whisper in my ear,

"Don't worry. I'm taking care of you."

Well, it's beginning to sink in. Doesn't make any sense yet, and I'm sure it may be a very long time before it does, if ever. I'm getting over the shock. Still a little off-balance, and my head is still fuzzy, but overall I'm beginning to feel better.

That doesn't mean it's any easier, mind you.

It's been a rough week, to say the least. The visitation was on Monday, the funeral on Tuesday. Very quick, it seemed, but I guess that's how her family wanted it. It was so heart-breaking to see her sons, only in their 20's (and looking even younger!).

I thought the funeral was very meaningful, even though I've never experienced a Greek Orthodox funeral before, and had no hope of understanding all the Greek being sung. The liturgy was actually rather comforting, and the priest did do some translation for us english-only folks. And there was quite a contingent of us -- I think the people from work accounted for about 1/4 of the congregation.

We're slowly losing the things that remind us of Fay. Her sons came in last night to collect her things from her desk, so we no longer see her shawl draped over her chair (she was cold-blooded, like me, and often was wrapping herself up in that shawl), no longer see the photos of her sons and nephews on the desk...maybe it's for the best, it doesn't seem so much like she should be walking in the door at any minute...

But I'll always see her leaning against my desk when she would stop by for a chat, or sitting in the "lounge" in our team area, when we'd have an impromptu meeting ("just two minutes!"), or just sitting around on a Friday morning with our coffees, and I still hear her voice when I read the notes she's left in my files...

I worked with Fay for 5 years. I was placed on her team when she first became a team leader, not long after I started with the company. She and I usually worked very well together. There was an unfortunate period of time, when things weren't going so well, and most people on the team were upset with her, but in the last few months, she was an absolute pleasure to work with. There were a lot of similarities in our personalities, so I felt I understood her fairly well. She always encouraged me, wasn't afraid to give me a good, swift, kick in the rear whenever I needed it, but I always knew she was in my corner.

It will take some time to get used to not having her there, she was a big part of my life at work. I'm going to miss teasing her about her computer skills (or rather, the lack thereof!), or about her, well, interesting terms (I'll never look at another gargoyle without thinking, "it's 'mooshy'"); I'll miss hearing about her sons and their latest accomplishments, or her nephews, or her nieces, or her mom... she was a lady who loved her family and friends dearly.

I had someone say to me today, rather bluntly, that life goes on. Indeed, it does. But that doesn't mean I'm wrong in taking my time getting back to "normal". I don't want life to just "go on", and forget about her. Yes, we must move on, but the last thing I want to do is leave her memory behind.

I can't just pretend nothing happened, push it away, and not deal with it.

I have to face it head-on.

She deserves that much.