J9's Property

Well, it's beginning to sink in. Doesn't make any sense yet, and I'm sure it may be a very long time before it does, if ever. I'm getting over the shock. Still a little off-balance, and my head is still fuzzy, but overall I'm beginning to feel better.

That doesn't mean it's any easier, mind you.

It's been a rough week, to say the least. The visitation was on Monday, the funeral on Tuesday. Very quick, it seemed, but I guess that's how her family wanted it. It was so heart-breaking to see her sons, only in their 20's (and looking even younger!).

I thought the funeral was very meaningful, even though I've never experienced a Greek Orthodox funeral before, and had no hope of understanding all the Greek being sung. The liturgy was actually rather comforting, and the priest did do some translation for us english-only folks. And there was quite a contingent of us -- I think the people from work accounted for about 1/4 of the congregation.

We're slowly losing the things that remind us of Fay. Her sons came in last night to collect her things from her desk, so we no longer see her shawl draped over her chair (she was cold-blooded, like me, and often was wrapping herself up in that shawl), no longer see the photos of her sons and nephews on the desk...maybe it's for the best, it doesn't seem so much like she should be walking in the door at any minute...

But I'll always see her leaning against my desk when she would stop by for a chat, or sitting in the "lounge" in our team area, when we'd have an impromptu meeting ("just two minutes!"), or just sitting around on a Friday morning with our coffees, and I still hear her voice when I read the notes she's left in my files...

I worked with Fay for 5 years. I was placed on her team when she first became a team leader, not long after I started with the company. She and I usually worked very well together. There was an unfortunate period of time, when things weren't going so well, and most people on the team were upset with her, but in the last few months, she was an absolute pleasure to work with. There were a lot of similarities in our personalities, so I felt I understood her fairly well. She always encouraged me, wasn't afraid to give me a good, swift, kick in the rear whenever I needed it, but I always knew she was in my corner.

It will take some time to get used to not having her there, she was a big part of my life at work. I'm going to miss teasing her about her computer skills (or rather, the lack thereof!), or about her, well, interesting terms (I'll never look at another gargoyle without thinking, "it's 'mooshy'"); I'll miss hearing about her sons and their latest accomplishments, or her nephews, or her nieces, or her mom... she was a lady who loved her family and friends dearly.

I had someone say to me today, rather bluntly, that life goes on. Indeed, it does. But that doesn't mean I'm wrong in taking my time getting back to "normal". I don't want life to just "go on", and forget about her. Yes, we must move on, but the last thing I want to do is leave her memory behind.

I can't just pretend nothing happened, push it away, and not deal with it.

I have to face it head-on.

She deserves that much.

How do you make sense of it?

Especially when you're in such a state of shock that it's hard to think straight in the first place. My mind is in a fog, and I'm not seeing too clearly either thanks to the leaky eyes. (it also messes up the glasses)

I keep waiting to wake up, for someone to tell me it's all a misunderstanding, that nothing is what it seems. But I know that won't happen.

Deep down, I know.

I know that when I go to work on Monday, my boss won't be there. I know there will be an empty desk, where just a couple of days ago, there was a happy, caring, slightly quirky woman who would go to the ends of the earth for her family, friends, and team.

I pray God will bring comfort to her family right now and in the days to come.

Rest in Peace, Fay.

Well, we're trying......still trying.....(very trying).....to get this house on the market.....there's still SO much to do! I guess that's what happens when you own a 50 yr-old house that really hasn't had a whole lot done to it in the last 50 years.

We are making progress, though! The kitchen is (finally!!) done (except for a couple of odds and ends, like the under-counter valance, and painting the new trim)(oh, and finishing the cupboard behind the door)(and the transition strips), rooms are getting painting this week, the downstairs apartment is as done as it's going to get, although the downstairs hallway, laundry room, and storage room still need help...

*sigh*

But, we're further ahead than we were. It's getting there. Mainly little stuff left to do, which we (hopefully) can get done before Thanksgiving. Yeah, I know, not the best time to list a house, but I just want to GET IT LISTED AND BE DONE WITH IT.

Do I sound convinced yet? It's hard to stay optimistic when I look around and see how much we still have to do, compared to how much time we have to get it done in. Thankfully, Mom and Dad are coming out this week to help, to do some painting for us (yay!!), so that will be a couple more things crossed off the list.

*sigh*

Know anyone who would like to buy a cute little 3-bedroom bungalow in Scarborough, with an in-law suite in the basement?.....

Well, I have the first batch of photo's back from our trip downeast, and I have to say I'm quite pleased! My favorites have been posted on my online scrapbook. So far, I have photos for the wedding, and the first part of the trip up until our drive back across Newfoundland. (Those of you who are my friends on facebook can see most of the photos on my profile.) The shots from the ferry until New Brunswick are currently being developed, and the last shots of the Bay of Fundy are still in the camera.

The trip was amazing! I wish we could have stayed longer in some places - particularly Newfoundland. We really didn't get enough time there, I would have liked to have spent another day in St. John's, and I wish we could have swung off the Trans-Canada Highway to see more of the little places along the way. Unfortunately, our time was dictated by the ferry schedule, and you have to reserve your ferry ahead of time.

Next time we go downeast, I'd really like to get to PEI! We didn't make it this time, we simply ran out of time! We saw Cape Breton, and drove the Cabot Trail, but we didn't get down the "foot" of Nova Scotia (ie. down to Halifax and Yarmouth). We'd really need to do it in 2 trips: Newfoundland one trip, the rest of the Maritimes another. I really hope we get that chance in the years to come!

In the mean time, I've gained some wonderful memories, and some great photos (if I do say so myself!)

Well, I don't have the Down East photos back from the developer yet, but if you go to my online "scrapbook", you can see some shots I took in Algonquin Park this past July. We went canoeing very early one morning, and I tell ya, I was sure glad I had my camera along!

Yes, indeedee! I'm back, after a very long absence from the blogging world! And yes, I do have reasons - we actually just got back from a 2-week trip down east. We drove to St. John's, Newfoundland and back! I'm waiting for the photos to be developed, then I'll post a few on my photo blog for all to see!

Meanwhile, it's time to get to work! Lots to do around here, if we have a hope of getting the house listed this year. (needs to be done next month at the latest!!) Can we do it? Well, I guess we'll have to see. But the prospect of another year in this city does not exactly have me excited... At least the kitchen is pretty much done. Just a few pieces of trim to go, but we can get that done while we're also doing trim, painting, repairs, etc. in the rest of the house.

Here's hoping!.....

There's a war going on in my life.

Well, actually, there's a few of them, on different fronts. Some are long-fought battles against old enemies, some are new skirmishes. The one I'm thinking of right now is one that's been with me, well, pretty much all my life.

The name of the enemy?

Laziness.

I don't think I can honestly remember a time without Laziness hanging around my neck, sneaking up behind me, pulling me down, making me his prisoner. It goes right back to when I was a kid. I never did nearly as well in school as I should have, because instead of my attitude being one of "how well can I do?", it was, "what can I get away with?" Why put hours of work into a project and to get a 90%, when I can put minimal work into it and pull of a still-respectable 80%?

It's an attitude I've never really been able to shake, no matter how hard I fight to get beyond it. I am the Queen of Good Intentions. (and yes, I know what the road to hell is paved with!) I'll start out like gang-busters, then just when I think I'm doing well, Laziness sneaks up behind me and trips me up.

Argh.

It doesn't help that I'm not only Lazy, I'm a Lazy Procrastinator. Now, some of you may be thinking, "don't those 2 go hand-in-hand?" Actually, it is very easy to be a Procrastinator without being Lazy, and although it's less common, you can be Lazy without being a Procrastinator.

Allow me to clarify:

There are some Procrastinators whose M.O. is to find everything possible to do to make themselves busy, and in so doing, avoid the important task they really need to do. They are far from Lazy, they are actually working themselves to death. But they are still Procrastinating, because they are putting off doing what they really should be doing.

There are also some very Lazy people who don't put off doing things, they just find ways to accomplish what needs to be done with as little work as possible. As a result, the end product is usually very poor quality, because they are too Lazy to do the task properly.

The Lazy Procrastinator, on the other hand, is much worse. Not only does the important task not get done, but nothing else gets done in its place. The Lazy Procrastinator lives by the adage, "Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?", and plunks themselves down on the couch and watches TV. Or plays video games. Or reads a novel. Or sits in front of a computer and does nothing but blog...

I'm finding ways to win the small battles, though. One tactic I've taken to using is the "Nike" approach. ("Just Do It!") There are times when I will literally kick myself in the butt and get moving. Other times, if I'm already in motion, I'll prevent myself from sitting down on the couch. I leave the TV turned off. (which is easier to do when I'm home alone...) I leave the computer turned off.

And slowly, I'm beginning to win. A skirmish here. A duel there. Stuff gets done, and I feel much better about myself. (There's nothing worse than that horrible sinking feeling you get while looking at the piles of unwashed dishes, knowing you could have avoided the 45mins of standing at a sink if you had not let Laziness get the upper hand 4 nights ago.)

Now I just have to get rid of the excuses. I'm a typical working wife in many ways: working a full time job, coming home and thinking, "I'm too tired from working all day to do anything around here!" But, then I look at my SIL, (who is the energizer bunny incarnate), and I see how much she can get done in an evening, after working all day. If I could do half of what she gets done, I'd be way ahead of the game. And why can't I?

I just have to make up my mind to do it.

Maybe next week....