J9's Property

Is there anybody out there?....

2011-10-27T22:17:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure anyone still reads this blog...it's been so long since I posted, and even longer since I posted regularly...

Life just seems to get in the way these days. As if being a wife and mother with a full-time outside-the-home job weren't enough, I'm about 5 weeks away from meeting our second little one. As a result, any time I do have at the end of the day is usually spent crashed on the couch!

I'm hoping to get back in the habit of writing again when I'm off on mat leave - the rare times when both kids are asleep, or maybe one is asleep and the other at daycare...I hope...but there are so many things I'm hoping to do while I'm off, I'm afraid I'll be even busier than I am now!

At least I'll have my body and some semblance of an energy level back....

....I hope....

Losing the Artistry

2011-02-04T22:15:00.000-05:00

Am I ever glad I took typing in high school.

Given the amount of typing I do these days, it would drive me nuts if I hadn't learned how to type quickly - my job would take 3 times as long, emailing would be downright painful (it's painful enough just watching my husband try to type!), and I don't think I'd even bother with online chatting.

It really seems that our lives these days are centered around our computers. Forget the telephone, everyone is emailing, online chatting, texting...

Never mind the lost art of letter writing. Who sits down and writes anything by hand anymore? Too slow, too time-consuming, we must always be in a hurry to get done so we can move on to the next task...

Does anyone really pay attention to handwriting anymore? It used to be that your handwriting said so much about you - if you were a detailed perfectionist, an artistic free spirit, or a doctor (which meant your handwriting was entirely illegible) Now I'm not even sure they teach handwriting in schools anymore - don't they all have their own laptops?

It really is a lost art. I remember as I was growing up, I was constantly experimenting with my handwriting, trying to get it just the way I liked it. I think I may have been almost into my twenties before I stopped making little adjustments to the way I wrote a "d", or a "j". These days, my handwriting isn't nearly as neat as it used to be. I've gotten so used to the speed of typing, that I get impatient with hand-writing, and as a result the hand-writing has gotten very messy, almost illegible even to myself at times.

It sure isn't pretty.

One thing I love to do, is read old letters. Some written by myself, some not...it's very interesting not only to read what was written, but to see how it was written. Some people's handwriting can really surprise you. I'd grown up with the notion that all men/boys had messy handwriting. Their hands were bigger, fingers thicker, and they just didn't care if their handwriting was, well, pretty. But I remember so many times, getting a cheque from my grandparents at Christmas time, and being surprised to see the signature of my Grandfather in very neat, proper handwriting. I often had to check the signature to see if it was my grandfather or grandmother who had written the cheque, their handwriting was that similar! There was also a guy that I dated (many!) years ago, who had neater and more artistic-looking handwriting than most girls I knew.

Something inside me really wants to get back to writing by hand. Not sure what to write yet, but I have always had that oh-so-romantic notion of keeping a journal. Didn't all us girls think about that when we were young? Of course, we called them our "diaries" back then. "Journal" just sounds much more mature, more grown-up. You always read in novels about these journals kept by women that are passed down to their descendents, who read them with great interest. Should I be so conceited as to think that someday, my children or even grandchildren might be interested in reading what I might have had to say?

(Then again, what is this blog for??)

But once again, it's about the handwriting. Maybe someday, someone might see more of me in my handwriting than they might in a bunch of kilobytes on a computer server somewhere. Type script seems so...impersonal. Isn't that why there are so many fonts? Aren't we really trying to find a font that says more about ourselves than, say, the generic-ness of "Times New Roman"? Even "Arial" is pretty bland. Maybe I'll start hand-writing my blog entries, then scanning them into the computer...

Who am I kidding? I can't even keep a blog consistently, let alone a hand-written journal. Over the years, I have bought so many journals with the intention of writing in them regularly, and they all sit with only a few pages filled. (and many pages torn out - sometimes I end up writing things I would never want anyone to read!) I guess there's just such a romantic pull to the whole idea of keeping a journal. I would have to slow down, take the time to think about what I would write, before I write it. (no backspace key!) I'd have to be patient with my hands, they can only write so fast. And they can only write so long before the writer's cramp sets in.

Oh, the things we take for granted in the computer age. But at what cost? We're all in such a hurry these days, we get impatient and downright ticked-off if the computer is just slightly slower than instantaneous, we lay on the horn and yell our fool heads off if the person in front of us doesn't peel off the mark when the traffic light turns green, or when they don't drive at least 20km/hr above the speed limit...

But, maybe if I decide to revive my penmanship as penmanship, not type-man-ship, it would help me to slow down a bit, perhaps I'll see a few things I might have missed, maybe I'll appreciate some of the smaller things in life. Maybe it will encourage me to take some "me time", time away from the hectic day-to-day life of a wife and mom who has a full-time job outside the home.

Time to write.

Time to breathe.

It's that time of year again....

2010-12-17T16:00:00.002-05:00

"I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy!
You've no idea what I have to do.
Busy, busy, shockingly busy,
Much much too busy for you!"

That old argument....

2010-12-03T11:11:00.000-05:00

A few years ago, I posted about the whole real-vs-fake-Christmas-tree argument. Given some rumblings I've been hearing again this year about how it's such a shame to "waste natural resources" by cutting down a live pine tree every year to decorate our homes, I thought I'd re-post it.

I actually have one more point to add to my argument for real Christmas trees: not only were no greenhouse gasses produced in the manufacturing of my Christmas tree, but my tree actually worked to reduce greenhouse gasses while it was growing!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's interesting to see the number (and variety) of debates you can find when the Christmas season rolls around.

Take, for example, the endless debate of the artificial versus the real Christmas Tree.

(and yes, it's a Christmas Tree, not a "Holiday Tree"....don't get me started on that one)

Me, I've always had a real one. Preferably a White Pine, the one with the long, soft needles. Very pretty with a nice set of white lights on it, the whole tree seems to glow when you turn them on.

A lot of people opt for the artificial route. I have heard many reasons for this: less mess, less maintenance, less over-all concern especially if there are little ones and pets underfoot.

If these are your reasons, I can't say I blame you. A real tree does require regular waterings if you want it to stay looking nice through the holidays. Regular waterings also help to keep the tree relatively fire-resistant. Some trees are messier than others, although I have to say the the White Pines we get tend to be fairly clean - not a lot of needle-shed. And if the tree does get knocked over, there is the issue of the water on the floor/carpet/whatever it's sitting on.

But as far as I'm concerned, the extra effort is worth it! Yes, artificial trees are getting nicer and nicer (and more expensive!), but in my book, nothing compares to a real tree. It's become a tradition for all of us Rayments to make the trek out to the tree farm every year for the Great Christmas Tree Hunt. And when you get the freshly cut tree into the house, you can smell the nice, (real!) pine scent in your living room...

Now, there is one argument against real trees that I really can't understand. It's the environmental argument. Apparently, there are many who advocate artificial trees as being preferable for the environment, because you're not cutting down a tree (and therefore denuding the natural world for your own decoration), and you're not putting a tree into the landfills every year.

If you are of the opinion that artificial trees are better for the environment, I invite you to consider the following points:

1. No harmful chemicals, man-made materials, or pollution were used or produced in the manufacturing of my tree. OK, with the exception of the odd pesticide. But other than that, my tree is made entirely of natural fibres.

2. The tree I cut down was grown on a tree farm, for the specific purpose of being cut down and used as a Christmas Tree. Also, every time I cut down a Christmas tree, the tree farmer plants another one in it's place. It seems to me that one of the big "environmentally conscious" things to do, is to go out to a clear cut area and plant saplings to replace the trees harvested by the lumber industry. I'm only cutting down one tree a year, and it is immediately replaced by the owner of the tree farm.

3. When I am finished with my tree, it is 100% biodegradable. While, yes, it may take up space in a landfill, it will break down as naturally as any other tree in a forest which has died of natural causes. Let me ask you: what happens to all those artificial trees when they aren't so nice-looking anymore, or are just plain out-of-style? How well do they break down in a landfill? If they are "recycle-able", how much pollution is produced by the recycling plant in the recycling process?

I couldn't believe it when I actually read an article about having a "green Christmas" (read that, "environmentally friendly" Christmas), and it actually encouraged people to buy artificial trees. In my opinion, the environmentally friendly thing to do is to buy a real tree from a tree farmer. The uses for the tree when you are done are numerous: mulch, firewood, crafts, to name just a few, and the whole process is entirely natural.

If you prefer an artificial tree because you have little ones or pets, or you simply can't care for a real tree, then I won't argue with you. That's a case of personal preference, and I have no problem with that.

But if you try to tell me that having an artificial tree is the environmentally friendly thing to do, be prepared for an argument.

Because unlike my tree, your arguments just don't hold water.

I don't remember the first time I met Jane Clarke....

2010-03-07T18:55:00.002-05:00

...but she always loved to tell me about it! I would have been maybe 3 or 4 years old, my parents were on faculty at Camp Selkirk music camp, and I apparently came running up to my Mom one afternoon and nattered away at her, while she and Jane were relaxing in lawn chairs.

Jane loved to tell me about that.

I have absolutely no memory of it.

But I have many memories of Jane over the last 8 years, since I started going to North York Temple. I was quite enamoured at first to find out that she was "that" Jane Clarke (now Jane Davey) - imagine! I was going to the same church as a well-known composer! I had sung her songs and arrangements for years in songsters, music camp choruses, youth choruses. I always identified with her musical style, especially the "jazzy" songs that I could have some fun with.

As I got to know Jane - her spunky personality, the strength of her faith - I stopped thinking of her as a well-known composer, and started thinking of her as my friend. She was a lot of fun to be around. One of my favorite memories is my last year on faculty at Jackson's Point, when Doug and I shared a cabin with Jane and Chris. I remember Jane commenting to me that she was so pleased when she found out we would be sharing a cabin, and I was very pleased too - both that we were sharing a cabin, and that she was happy about it!

Jane was one of those timeless people; you never thought about her not being there. I still see her at the piano at North York, I still hear her in the alto section in the songsters. When she stopped coming out to meetings back before Christmas, there was something missing on Sunday mornings. I kept thinking, "I can't wait for Jane to come back!" I miss her offertories ("It is no Secret" was a favorite) that people would sing along to. The "welcome" portion of the meeting just wasn't complete without her playing that one song...(what was the name of it? Something about "something special happening today" or something like that?) Well, the tune, and her way of playing it, is forever written in my memory.

I wish I could sit down and play those choruses like she used to. It would make the hole feel a little less, well, empty.

I had to smile when a friend turned to me after we had heard of Jane's passing, and commented that he wondered if the choir in heaven was singing one of Jane's songs when she arrived. I added, "and I wonder which one they would have sang?!"

If nothing else can be said of Jane, it was that she loved The Lord her God with all her heart, with all her soul, with all her strength, and with all her mind. And she told of that love time and again through her music.

Heaven's orchestra just gained another member. Maybe even one who will write new music for it to perform. And I can't wait to hear it myself!

OK, I like this one better...

2010-02-26T22:23:00.002-05:00

...but it's still driving me nuts. Can't get the dates to show.

*sigh*

It's all Les' fault.

2010-02-25T23:24:00.002-05:00

She's the one that inspired me to browse new templates.

And they're driving me nuts!

grrrrrr......

Time flies when you're home on mat leave...

2010-02-18T22:19:00.003-05:00

Wow.

I honestly can't figure out where the last 10 months have gone.

Can't say they've disappeared through a haze of sleep deprivation, considering Connor has been sleeping through the night (and we're talking 10-12 hours straight here) since last July.

It's more like a blur of firsts, celebrations, stroller walks, laughs, melt-downs, new friends, new experiences...

I thought a year ago that the future was scary. It looks a lot scarier now, with the new challenge of finding that "just right" person who is basically going to be raising my son. I wish it could be me, but unfortunately I find myself in the position where returning to work is not so much a choice, as a necessity.

In a way, though, I am looking forward to going back to work. I'm looking forward to regular adult interaction that doesn't focus on baby-related topics, looking forward to using my brain on a regular basis again.

But before that happens, I'm going to make the most of these last couple of months with my little guy, celebrating as he learns new "tricks" (he got himself from lying down back up to a sitting position for the first time today! Yay!), laughing with him when he finds the oddest things hysterically funny, smiling as I watch him with his Dad.

And I'll keep repeating Proverbs 3:5 in my head every chance I get.

"Trust in The Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding"

Here we go again.....

2009-11-02T22:24:00.001-05:00

OK, so some of you may have heard about the proposed changes to the Ontario auto insurance policy. If you haven't, the Ontario government is proposing changes to the "Accident Benefits" regulations - these are the medical benefits available to people who have been injured in a car accident, or for that matter, injured as a direct result of the use/operation of a motor vehicle. (this apparently means that if you slip and fall while putting air in your tires, you get the same medical benefits as someone who got into a major t-bone accident in an intersection.)(but I digress...)

Of course, as soon as this kind of news comes out, people start making comments about how we shouldn't have to pay so much premium because the insurance companies are all rich anyways, and insurance is just a get-rich-quick scam for insurance companies, etc, etc, etc....

It REALLY annoys me when people spout off about something about which they have absolutely NO clue whatsoever.

Newsflash: Insurance companies LOSE MILLIONS OF $$ every year in Ontario due to the auto insurance regulations.

How is it possible when we pay so much in premium, you ask?

Allow me to demonstrate:

Let's say you pay $1500/year in premium for 10 years. You have therefore paid the insurance company $15,000 total.

Then, you get in the dreaded fender-bender. Not a lot of damage to either the car or yourself, but enough that you need a body shop, some physiotherapy, and some time off work.

(in other words, a typical whiplash injury)

It might cost about $3000 to fix your car.

Then comes the medical treatment, medical assessments, income replacement benefit, throw in some housekeeping for good measure, and hey-presto, the insurance company has paid out $40,000 in accident benefits.

(and that's a conservative estimate)

Well let's see, so far the insurance company has paid out $43,000, versus the $15,000 you've paid them.

BUT, the accident was your fault. As a result, you get sued by the person you hit to the tune of $70,000. Paid, of course, by your insurance company.

(once again, a conservative estimate)

After all this, you've paid the insurance company $15,000, while the insurance company has paid out $113,000. A bit of quick head-math, and you'll realize the insurance company just found itself $98,000 in the hole on your claim alone.

(Don't forget, the insurance company also has operating costs to be paid: rent and maintenance of office space, office supplies, salaries for employees, etc...)

Getting clearer?

Yes, the insurance companies invest their profits, but I don't think they get a 650% return.

Please also keep in mind that the above demonstration was for a legitimate, un-inflated claim. I won't even get into how much money flies out the door on an inflated, fraudulent claim. (and the annoying part is, the insurance companies can't even do a whole lot about the fraud thanks to a very plaintiff-friendly legal system.)(but once again, I digress...)

I guess the point I'm trying to get across here is, please don't open your mouth to level accusations until you actually know the story. Yes, we all feel we pay too much for auto insurance. But please don't blame the companies that provide that insurance, and who lose money in the process. Let's blame the source: legal systems that allow claimants to get away with fraud (sometimes blatantly!), claimants who defraud the system, and healthcare providers who bill the absolute maximum they are allowed, often for treatment they didn't actually provide in the first place.

If you don't believe the part about insurance companies losing money, just take Liberty Mutual as an example. They sold their Canadian operations and got out of Canada because they were losing too much money in Ontario. I think if the insurance companies providing auto insurance in Ontario were to make their accounting books public, you'd be very surprised at what you would see. These companies might make some profit on other lines (ie. life insurance, disability, house insurance, business, etc.) but auto insurance is a guaranteed way to lose money, and a lot of it.

Still don't believe me?

Well, I guess that's your problem.

Just don't be complaining to me about it.

This has been bugging me for a while...

2009-10-14T20:21:00.003-04:00

I'm getting the impression it's all about the bottom line.

Let's face it: you can't turn on the T.V., or walk by a magazine stand, without having the Gosselin family in your face. Jon did this....Kate said that....poor Jon....poor Kate....oh, but the kids got to go cake decorating!....

It's really a sad story when you think about it. A young couple, desperately wanting children but unable to do so on their own. Then Abraca-Dabra, they have 8. How are they going to make ends meet? How are they going to raise so many kids so close in age?

Then here comes Human Interest Corporation Extraordinaire (also known as TLC) to the rescue, and all their troubles are over. Let's make a couple of documentaries, the public would love to see this!

Well, the financial concerns are now taken care of, especially since Joe Public loved the documentaries so much, TLC made it a regular TV show. No more worries of the $$$ kind for Jon and Kate.

But at what cost?

What relationship can stand the test of that kind of publicity? I'll be honest: I don't watch the show. Neither hubby nor I could stand to watch the 2 of them snipe at each other constantly, although the kids were really cute. And now, the marriage is over. These 2 must now fight out their problems in full public view, while the kids watch in the background.

So, who's at fault for this spectacle?

Jon and Kate? They're human. They both have great attributes, they both have faults. They both have made some poor decisions, but then who doesn't? The show is a money-maker, and who can pass up that kind of opportunity? They can keep on raking it in, while the kids watch in the background. After all, they have a lifestyle to maintain...

TLC? Maybe they should have canceled the show when it became obvious that the family was going through some very significant issues. But come on, folks, the show is a money-maker! Why look a gift horse in the mouth? All this angst is great for ratings, you know!

Which brings me to what, in my humble opinion, is the worst part of the whole scenario, why the show continues to be produced, and why this family is continuing to air their dirty laundry in public.

Joe Public.

Let's face it: if people didn't watch the show, TLC would cancel it. But like a bad accident on the highway, we all feel so compelled to watch, to look, to see how bad it will get, how bad is the damage, how bad are the injuries....it's the North American public who should be ashamed of themselves for perpetuating this absolute circus.

And who's caught in the middle? 8 young kids, who's world is falling apart around them. They have become pawns in a horrible human chess game, where the major players aren't just their parents (as it is in most divorces), but you also have a major TV network involved and, of course, the public's insatiable need for real-life soap operas.

But, as I said at the beginning, I think it's all about the bottom line: $$$ for the parents (which they are now fighting over - big surprise?), $$$ for TLC, $$$ for lawyers, $$$ for advertisers,....

Some say that the parents are continuing with the show for the kids, so they will be financially secure, and so that they can have opportunities they might not have had otherwise. I think the parents have even said that themselves.

They might even believe it.

But is it truly worth it?

And should we, Joe Public, be encouraging them to do so?

No, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth...

2009-09-18T22:22:00.004-04:00

OK, I really need to make more of an effort here!

A lot has happened since the last time I blogged. Connor will be 5 months old next week (!?!), the summer is already over, and Thanksgiving is right around the corner! Um, what happened to July?...

My wee boy is not so wee anymore! He got weighed this morning at breastfeeding group, he's 16lbs 9oz! He's also quite long in the body, so he doesn't look too pudgy...however, the muscular development in my arms has never been so evident...he's heavy to carry around, and he has recently decided that he is to be carried around from about 4pm until bedtime at 9! Any wonder I grabbed the sling I saw at Once Upon A Child with hardly a second thought!!

He's absolutely wonderful, though! He's been sleeping through the night since the beginning of July, and while it means he doesn't nap particularly well during the day, the fact that he goes to bed at 9pm and doesn't get up until between 7 and 8am means that not only do we get a full night's sleep, but we even get some time to ourselves in the evenings. (which, of course, is usually taken up with getting the tasks done that didn't get done during the day.....sigh.....)

But who am I to complain???? I've been sleeping uninterrupted for over 2 months now!!!!

Connor is generally a happy, content little fellow; although he does have his moments where he will whine incessantly to the point where I'm about ready to throw him out the window.....lovingly, of course.....but then he'll smile that big, wide grin of his and laugh that rather contagious laugh, and I just fall in love with him all over again!

I need to get some recent photos of him up here. Unfortunately, since Doug has been taking the digital camera to work with him, and leaving it in his truck, I have been using my big SLR camera....which is not digital....so all the photos are sitting on film, waiting for me to take the film in for developing. Who does that anymore???? Then comes the challenge of finding the time to scan them into the computer.....ya, I know, I'm complaining.....but until I get my own digital SLR, I'll have to make-do, I guess....

We were talking this morning in BF group about a woman in the states, who was fired from her job because she was taking "unregulated breaks" during the work day. The deal? She was going into the bathroom so she could pump for her little one at home! It's crazy enough that most American mothers only get approximately 6 weeks of maternity leave, but for the company to take issue with her pumping??? Times I am SO glad I live in Canada, where we get a full year off work to look after our infants!! Sarah, I don't know how you did it!

I can't believe I actually need to start thinking about going back to work. Yes, it's another 7 months away yet, but with the very large population of very young families in my new hometown, I need to start getting Connor on some daycare waiting lists pronto. It just scares me a bit - I have to find someone that I will basically be trusting to raise my child...because let's face it, Connor will be spending the majority of his waking hours with this daycare provider. I'm so jealous of the moms I work with, who are so fortunate to have their moms as their daycare providers! Not only are they saving hundreds of $$$ per month, but they know and trust the kind of care their children are receiving. It's something I really don't want to have to think about, but I need to get on the ball here. Staying home would be wonderful, but it's just not practical in our situation.

I guess I'll just have to trust that everything will work out....after all, it has so far, hasn't it?!

The End of an Era

2009-06-26T13:46:00.003-04:00

Like many people around me, I'm in a bit of shock that Michael Jackson has passed away. It really does seem that he has gone before his time.

It's been interesting to see the reactions of people to this news. Really, it seems that there are 2 extremes, with not much in between: he is either mourned, and remembered for his amazing contributions to pop music performance, or he is hated, and only remembered for the sensational stories of child molestation and plastic surgeries.

I have to ask, what is the truth about Michael Jackson?

Was he a perverted sex offender who just seemed to get away with it?

Or was he a young boy stuck in a man's body, who only wanted to have innocent fun with other kids, and to live out the childhood he was never able to have?

Was there truth to the allegations brought forth by the young boys and their families?

Or were they simply out to get a piece of the pie in the form of fame, publicity, and a lot of money?

I have to admit, the more I hear about M.J., and see footage of him off-stage, the more I like to believe that he was actually very naive, and never realized that what seemed to him to be very innocent, child-like behaviours (ie. having sleep-overs with other kids) could be mis-construed by other adults (and the public in general) as perverted behaviours for an adult man.

I mean, let's face it - the way he lived his life pointed to him not wanting to grow up...why else would he name his ranch "Neverland"?...

I'm not saying it's not a possibility that he was indeed a deviant who preyed on young boys and used his celebrity to "brush it under the carpet", but I have to ask again:

What is the truth about Michael Jackson?

Unfortunately, we will likely never know.

And as a result, I prefer to remember him as the amazing musician and performer that he was, and focus on that legacy.

Not the tabloids.

Hello, my name is Janine....

2009-06-18T15:20:00.004-04:00

....and I'm a bad blogger!

I just realized how pathetically long it has been since I've posted on here! I guess I have an excuse, but when it's been over 2 months...

Connor Douglas Elvin arrived on April 21, 2009 at 4:31pm. A little ahead of schedule, but then not really -- he was only 4 days ahead of his due date; it was I who was convinced he'd be at least a week late!

I can't say labour wasn't what I expected, mainly because I didn't know what to expect. I can say, however, that it did not go the way I had hoped. For one thing, we had been told by our pre-natal instructor that only 10% of women have their water break spontaneously before labour starts. Apparently, I fall in that 10%! Doug commented that he's never seen me move so fast as when I bolted from the living room couch to the powder room when I felt a bubble burst between my legs...and made it there before anything hit the floor! It was then I realized that the strong Braxton Hicks with accompanying backache weren't Braxton Hicks after all...I'd been feeling them every 10-20 minutes or so for a couple of hours, but hadn't thought much about them.

That was about 8pm on the 20th. I was in for a long night, and long day the next day. My goal had been to go through labour and delivery without any medications or interventions. I especially didn't want to have an epidural. Well, I managed to avoid any interventions, but the medications and epidural?....well, let's just say, the back labour was the most EXCRUCIATING pain I have ever experienced in my life!!!

But, he was worth it! Connor is now 8 weeks old, smiling away at us, nursing like a champ, and growing like crazy! He was 7lbs, 12oz at birth (3540 grams for you metric types)....at his 8 week doctor's appointment, he weighed 12lbs, 8oz!! (that's 5760 grams)

Speaking of whom, I am being summoned as we speak...(maybe that's why it's been so long since I've blogged???) I must go and fill the hollow leg my son apparently has!

I'll try to write again soon, and keep you updated on his latest milestones and escapades!

End Times

2009-04-11T15:57:00.003-04:00

Well, I guess you could say it's getting down to the nitty-gritty. Just a couple of weeks to go. I'm 38weeks today, and in some ways am SO ready for this all to be over, but in other ways keep thinking, "no, not yet!! I'm not ready for you yet!!"

We have moved! I'm absolutely loving my new house! The move went as smoothly as could be expected, we had some awesome people helping us, and some amazingly patient and understanding buyers of our old house. (I still can't believe how long it took to get all the old junk and garbage out of the old place!) (then again, maybe I can...)

Unfortunately, I haven't had much of a chance to really explore and get to know my new hometown yet. I've just been too tired! I finished work a week ago, but ever since then, any trips taken have been short, and I've been completely exhausted by the time we're half-way through what we wanted to accomplish.

Wee One is still growing exponentially, and still sticking feet/hands/bums out at every opportunity. People look at me and (a) can't believe I only have a couple of weeks to go, and (b) can't believe that (according to my O.B.) I'm actually on track to have an average-sized baby. (ie. 7-8 lbs) I guess they think I look small. I certainly don't feel small!

I think what's frustrating me the most right now, is that I feel like I can't be "myself". I'm so used to just going and doing things, getting them done, doing multiple errands on one trip out...but that's just not happening these days. There are still tonnes of boxes sitting around my house that need to be unpacked, or at least moved from their current location. Do you think I have the energy to actually take care of that? Add to that the fact that most of the boxes contain things like books, CD, or other equally heavy things - I'm not even going to attempt to lift them at this point. It's been very frustrating, as I've always viewed myself as a self-sufficient, physically strong person who doesn't need to rely on other people to do things for me. But, that's exactly what I'm having to do. I can't even drive somewhere to meet someone - they have to come pick me up, or Doug has to drive me. I actually haven't driven since my last day of work over a week ago.....

argh.

I guess I shouldn't complain too much. It's not like I've been restricted to bedrest, or holed up in a hospital room like some others I know/have heard of. But, still, when you're used to acting/living a certain way, it's frustrating to have to adjust everything.

Enough of this "invasion of the body-snatchers" - I'm ready to have my body back!!!

Musings of a Pregnant Lady

2009-02-14T09:19:00.002-05:00

Warning: This post may contain disjointed thoughts, off-topic tangents, and incoherent ramblings.

Blame it on the preggo-brain....

It's really interesting what can run through one's mind when you're pregnant. It's also very interesting how reactions can change, and how out-of-control one can feel.

Man, I'm there!

This pregnancy has been progessing very well, I have to say. I'm 30 weeks as of today, only 10 to go! WOW, that's going by fast! Mind you, I only have to glance down at the size of my belly to know that...

But, I haven't had any complications at this point (knock on wood!!), aside from some, well, how do I say this.....digestive issues?....not morning sickness, never had any of that, but involving, well, the "other end"...('nuf said)...

This one VERY ACTIVE little one! There are days when Wee One just never seems to stop squirming, jumping, stretching...yes, we have discovered the joys of stretching out our little feet to see how much we can make mommy jump! Not so much a kick, as a foot suddenly pressing out on the belly so hard I have to use my hand to push it back in again. Not particularly comfortable, especially when it happens repeatedly in the same spot! Of course, Grandma is saying "Yes!!! Keep it up!!! Revenge is mine!!!!"

I've discovered that Baby Hiccups are very cute. At first. But when they go on for 10 minutes at 3:30 in the morning, they cease being cute. They become slightly annoying, and the predominant thought becomes, "can mommy go back to sleep now?....please?...."

I have become a total clutz. I drop things, knock things over, bump into things....and it's not the belly getting in the way, it's my hands! What in blazes is going on???? I've always considered myself to be graceful, well-coordinated, precise, etc. but now it seems I can't do anything the way I used to. I even get mixed up when I'm typing! It's like I've developed pregnancy-induced dyslexia or something, with the right letters getting typed, but in the totally wrong order...really slows me down at work, where my entire workday is spent in front of a computer. Argh.

It makes me realize that the upcoming Marked By Love engagements could be interesting. Donna's music is challenging at the best of times, but when I'm (a) out of practice, and (b) suffering from preggo-brain, I have NO idea how this is going to turn out. Guess I'd better start practicing...

I find it very interesting that everyone wants to know "how I'm feeling". Not that I don't appreciate their concern and interest, it's just interesting that the greeting has changed from "how are you" or "how are things" to "how are you feeling". Am I supposed to be polite and say "pretty good" or "not bad"? Be honest and say "sore, stretched, tired, and about to cry"? Or try to be funny with quips like "like an over-inflated balloon"?... Are people truly interested in how I'm actually feeling, or is it the replacement for the "how are you" greeting that doesn't actually expect a real answer and is only said to be polite? Are they being friendly, or nosey? Do they really care? Should I really care?

Ida know....

And just for the record, no, we haven't chosen names yet. The jury is still out. We have some names that we like, but none have really jumped out quite yet. We may end up waiting until Wee One makes his/her appearance, and say "what's your name? who do you look like?". And we could end up with a name that neither of us even considered. Who knows.....we'll find out in April, I guess.

I'm very interested to see how I will handle childbirth. I like to think I have a fairly high tolerance for pain, but I guess I won't truly know until I actually go into labour. Something tells me I will handle the actual birth much better than the after-math.

Speaking of which, I have NO CLUE how to care for a new-born.

This could be very interesting...

We are SO blessed!

2009-01-17T10:17:00.003-05:00

I guess a few of you may be wondering what's happening with the house...

Well, it sold!!

We accepted a conditional offer 2 days before Christmas, and the offer went firm the day after New Years! What a way to start off the year!! The house was only on the market for 2 1/2 weeks before the offer came in, pretty amazing considering the time of year and state of the market these days...

The house-hunting then began in earnest. We were getting discouraged, because very few of the houses in our price range met all our criteria. Most of the ones with a nice-sized piece of property and adequate parking needed a lot of reno work (which I am NOT prepared to endure with a new-born!), while the new houses were on postage-stamp lots and only had room to park one car.

argh.

One very nice house did pop up on our radar, it was a 5-year-old house, on a bigger lot, and while the garage was only a single, the driveway had been widened to easily accomodate 2 vehicles, and the neighborhood was a really nice one. The problem? It was priced $10,000-$20,000 above what we had agreed our comfortable price-range was. But whenever I prayed about the house we were supposed to buy and move into, that was the house that kept popping into my head.

argh.

We did some checking around, and discovered that if we could talk the sellers down in price, we could probably do it, but we really didn't want to push ourselves to the limit in a financial sense. With Doug being self-employed, we really don't know what he's going to pull in month-to-month, so we really needed to be careful. It looked like it was "back to the drawing board"...

Then the price of the house dropped. As in, dropped $20,000!!!! If that wasn't a blazing message, I don't know what is!! We put in an offer immediately, since the sellers were having an open house only a few days later, and we didn't want to risk having someone else put in an offer before we had a chance to. And lo and behold, it was accepted!

The offer is conditional, so I'll wait for the conditions to be met before I REALLY start celebrating, but we are quite confident that there should not be any problems. I'll post pics when everything is firm!

As Doug has been heard to say lately, we're really being taken care of!

(BTW, if you ever need a GREAT real estate agent, I have a couple I can introduce you to!)

Updates!

2008-12-12T18:22:00.002-05:00

Well, it's been a busy couple of weeks!

The suspense got the better of me, and I called my doctor to find out the ultrasound results...and lo and behold, everything is perfectly normal! All measurements were in the "average" range, fluid levels are normal, and the due date is unchanged. Yay! I feel MUCH better now! No, we do not know the gender of the baby, I don't want to know, and it wasn't even in the ultrasound report. (I know this, because my doctor's nurse read the report to me over the phone, word for word!)

The other VERY exciting development is that my house is finally on the market! We've had lots of interest so far, 5 showings in the first week, and more being booked. No offers yet, but that's not unexpected given the state of the market these days. We're having an open house on Sunday, so maybe that might spark some further interest!

I've been saying to a few people, at this point I really don't care if it sells or not. I would LOVE to move out of Toronto, and closer to my parents, but it's really not the end of the world if we stay put. I'm just glad we finally accomplished what we set out to do 3 years ago! The way I look at it, if The Lord wants us to move, the house will sell. If He doesn't, it wont'. I'm content to do what He wants, I know it will be for the best in the long run.

Has anyone told what a pain in the butt it can be, having your house up for sale??? I couldn't leave the house in the morning all week without making sure that every room was spotlessly clean. Who loves washing dishes at 8:00 in the morning? Not Me!!

That being said, I'm now done with work until after Christmas! Yay!!! Sleep-in time!!!

Although, not tomorrow morning....we have a showing at 10am....

The Wee One!

2008-12-05T17:05:00.005-05:00

Looks like another tummy-sleeper in the family!

We couldn't get that classic profile shot, because the poor little thing is spending it's days looking at my backside. But, we got awesome shots of the spine, you can see all the little vertebrae! If you look closely at the 2nd pic, you can actually see the baby has it's mouth wide open. (I'll leave it to the peanut gallery to make comments about that!) The bottom pic is actually a shot of one of the hands, right up beside the head.

Basically, the head is right down low, and the feet are sitting right up beside my belly button. I had a feeling that was the case - I've been getting some fairly strong kicks up top, and there's been some uncomfortable pressure lower down at times, so I was wondering if that might be the head hanging out down there. (speaking of which, I'm getting kicked like mad as I type! Soccer in utero??) While I have been feeling some kicks and bumps, I haven't felt a whole lot of the "flutterings" that other women talk about; this is probably because the placenta is located in the front - it's basically dampening all the smaller movements so I can't feel them. The kicks, on the other hand.....

I have to say, I left my ultrasound appointment this morning feeling a little apprehensive. It was great to see the little one, see the heart pumping away, see him/her squigle around...but at the end of the appointment, the tech said, "so, the baby looks fairly healthy"......what you mean, "fairly", Kemosabe?....it has me a little uptight. If he'd said "baby looks healthy", I would have gone away thinking, great! Baby is healthy! But, when you throw the "fairly" in there, it just gives it a whole different connotation...

...I'm seriously looking forward to my next appointment with my doctor now, to find out what "fairly" is supposed to mean....

...but that's another 2 weeks from now...

Highs and Lows

2008-10-31T10:06:00.002-04:00

I'm on a rollercoaster right now. Not a literal one (although right now I feel like I am!), but it's been so crazy the last week or 2 that I can barely hold a coherent thought in my head.

Allow me to explain:

High: we signed the papers last night to list our house!
Low: the house is nowhere near ready for showing. We had very high hopes that we could list it and go on vacation, so they could show the house while we're not in it. Not gonna happen...

High: I've been promoted at work!
Low: I'm swamped with work, and the expectations are now higher than they were before...

High: I'm gonna be a mom!
Low: I can't get a referral to an OB, or call a midwife until I know where I'm going to be living by next spring....which brings us back to high/low #1....

Do I sound a little overwhelmed? Probably because I am! We are, as we speak, trying to do everything we can to clean up/finish up the house, while packing and preparing for a road trip...

I need a vacation....

I'm gonna be a MOM?!?!?!?!?

2008-10-10T17:23:00.003-04:00

I know, it's been forever since I posted. Again. But, let's face it, there's only been one thing I've actually wanted to write about, and I didn't want to let the secret out until now.

That's right, I'm having a baby; expecting; pregnant; preggers; preggo; in the family way; have a bun in the oven; (have I missed any?)

It's a bit scarey, really. I don't know a whole lot about wee ones! Anyone in my family will tell you, I HATED babysitting as a teenager, and would find any excuse to say "no" to anyone who asked me to. Didn't matter how much I would be paid, I just really didn't want to do it! Especially if they were asking me to babysit really little ones. Diapers and me don't mix too well! I also just didn't know how to relate to kids, how to converse with them, how to play with them, I just never really learned what to do with them.

So, here I am, wondering how I'm going to do this!

It's always been part of the "plan" to start a family. Someday. In the future. Eventually. When we're settled in a new house, in a new town, and we realize that we don't have any more excuses for delaying. But it was always one of those "someday" ideas in the backs of our minds. My attitude has always been, if The Lord wants us to have kids, we'll have them. If He doesn't, we won't.

...I guess He wants us to have kids.....(or at least, one, anyway! There's only one in there!)

Don't get me wrong, we're quite excited! Especially now that the oh-my-goodness-we're-having-a-baby shock has worn off. And the grandparents are Very excited. (yes, mom, I saw you go up to the cash desk in the children's store!) And I have to say, it's been fun seeing the reactions as we tell people. With everyone so excited for us, how can we not be excited ourselves?? Of course, we've had a few weeks to become accustomed to the idea, so we're not quite so giddy anymore. (well, I'm not anyway... I think Doug is another story...)

I guess what it all boils down to, is that we've started on a brand new journey, one that will take a lot of faith, a lot of patience, and will last the rest of our lives. Which isn't a bad thing! Like I read in an article about "40 reasons to be glad you're pregnant": we'll never be bored again!!

Wow.....

2008-08-30T13:46:00.002-04:00

....guess it's been a while!!

I just realized I haven't blogged all summer! How pathetic is that?? It's not that there hasn't been stuff going on, I just haven't blogged about it. No excuses. Just...haven't...blogged...

I'm sorry!

Well, to catch you up, we went camping in July with Mom & Dad, and Phil & Sarah and the kids. Lots of fun!! We got to try out our "new" tent - not new as such, but new to us. You see, when Mom&Dad got a new trailer, Phil & Sarah took their old trailer. Phil & Sarah then gave us their larger tent in exchange for our smaller tent. It was beautiful! Can't wait to use it again!

The week was great, we camped at Pog Lake in Algonquin Park. One of my favorite spots! We even rented a canoe for the week, which was great. Pog Lake is a great jumping-off point for canoeing, you can go in 2 different directions into a couple of different lakes. Phil&Sarah also rented a canoe, so we were able to go out on a couple of excursions together. I'll post some shots on my photo blog soon for you to see.

One of the best things about the week was being able to hang out with Micaela and Ethan. I don't get to see them nearly enough, so it was great to be able to get to know them a little better. They can be so much fun, especially around a campfire. Ethan was a hoot, using his "spooky" voice to say good night every night. Between that and re-naming a restaurant "The Egg Pooper"... (the restaurant is actually called "The Mad Musher"...not sure where the connection is...)

Earlier this August, we celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. 6 years?!?!?!? Where did the time go???? It only seems like we've been married a couple of years!.... We had a nice day, we drove up to Huntsville via Collingwood...yes, I know, that's just a bit out of the way, but I'd never been up to the Wasaga Beach/Collingwood area, so it was fun to explore. Once we got to Huntsville, we had supper at one of our favorite "casual fine dining" spots, called 3 Guys and a Stove. We even sat out on the deck to eat, and it was really nice!

It's now the Labour Day weekend, and just about every year we've gone camping at Arrowhead Provincial Park. Except for this year. We've stayed home this time, Doug is hoping to get some serious work done on the house, so we can hopefully list it in September. Yah, I know, how many times have I said that?...(don't remind me!)... But seriously, the end is in sight. We've been able to get a lot of work done this year, and it's actually possible. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we can actually get it done this time, before the housing market falls any further.

Well, I think that about catches me up for now. For those of you who know about Marked By Love , we're at Eastwood Corps in Windsor next weekend (September 6-7) for their Rally Day Weekend. We're really looking forward to it! Might we see you there?....

Drowning Under Expectations

2008-06-10T22:00:00.003-04:00

Some are self-imposed.

Some are from other people.

But there are too many of them.

I can never live up to all the expectations people have of me, nor the ones I have of myself.

After all, I'm only one human.

But it's distressing. I'll put in a really good effort some days, then others I get so overwhelmed that I literally just curl up in a corner and try to shut everything out.

There are so many, from so many different sources...

...The expectation to be a loving, considerate, self-less, hard-working wife...

...The expectation to be a loving, considerate, thoughtful daughter and daughter-in-law...

...The expectation to be a loyal, considerate, thoughtful friend...

...The expectation to move...

...The expectation to produce children. (or grandchildren, or great-grandchildren, depending on the source)...

...The expectation to be fiscally responsible...

...The expectation to make wise decisions in everyday life, every day of my life...

...The expectation to be a loyal, productive, understanding, Christ-like member of a church...

...The expectation to be "flexible"...

...The expectation to be a loyal, productive, hard-working, conscientious employee...

...The expectation to live up to my potential...

...And the list goes on....

I've been wondering lately why my stress levels have been getting out of control. When I sat down and looked (really looked) at what's been happening in my life lately, I've realized that I have a lot of expectations placed on me, and I'm having a very difficult time living up to them all.

It causes me great distress when I let someone down.

It causes me great distress when I let myself down.

Sometimes I want to climb up on a hill, or the roof of a building, and just scream to the sky, "ENOUGH!!!"

I guess it's a case of prioritizing: whose expectations are the most important? Which expectations are the ones that really count in the long-run?

It's the type of question that I need a time-out from life to really be able to answer. There's no easy, clear-cut answer, because so many of the expectations are legitimate and important both in this life and the next.

But a "time-out" is not on the agenda for quite a while yet.

Right now, I'm just tired.

Tired of trying.

Tired of failing.

Just.

Plain.

Tired.

Somebody throw me a life-ring here?.....

We take our Scrapping seriously! (or not!...)

2008-05-10T17:07:00.003-04:00

SOOO.....

Here are a few shots from the Scrapping Cabin last weekend, at Jackson's Point. As you can see, we basically take over the place! It was a really fun weekend, didn't get a lot of sleep (but then, I didn't expect to!), and had to come home to get some rest, but it was a wonderful break from real life. And I even got some work done on my album!

This was the table where I sat, along with Carol (on the left), Pat (on the right), and Joanne (hiding behing the lamp). The lamp was an interesting addition, since neither Jo nor I had desk lights, and the lighting was rather poor in our corner...

Of course, the Cabin wouldn't be the Cabin without a few hijinx...the gnome at the top of the stairs had a motion sensor on it...so everytime someone walked up or down the stairs, it farted!

The theme for the weekend was Pirates of the Caribbean - some of the ladies love to go all-out on the theme, and Carol is certainly one of them!

(Don't worry, they're cousins...)
(although, with that tongue, Barb could very well be related to Gene Simmonds!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I do have a few other photos, but I am reluctant to post them on here....for one thing, I'm not sure the subjects of the photos would appreciate having such photos posted on the internet (although they might make lovely blackmail photos in the future! hehehe), but more importantly,

"What happens at the Cabin, STAYS at the Cabin!!"

Escape from Reality!

2008-04-30T21:42:00.003-04:00

I'm in serious count-down mode!

I get to completely escape from life this weekend!

I'm not sure how many people know just how much I'm into scrapbooking. I tend to spend a rather silly amount of money on tools and supplies, but I love the challenge of putting a lay-out together, finding just the right colours and embellishments to go with a certain group of photos, finding just the right place for each piece of the "puzzle"...

A couple of ladies at my corps (that's "church" for the non-Sally-Ann-ers) introduced me to the "scrapping cabin" last year. It only took one experience and I was hooked! A bunch (ie. 35-40 or so) of scrapping ladies all get together at Jackson's Point (at the Salvation Army camp/conference center) and do nothing but scrap all weekend. No husbands, no kids, no Real Life... It's a blast! (and when I say scrap "all weekend", I'm not kidding - we regularly go until 2-3am before finally calling it a night, then start right back up at 9am!)

I'm sure there are those of you who are saying to yourselves at this point, "what in the world is so exciting about SCRAPBOOKING????" Well, it's not so much the scrapping (although that in itself can be a lot of fun and very satisfying), but it's the whole idea of hanging out with a whole lot of awesome people and having a TONNE of fun. I think I laughed the hardest I've ever laughed at last fall's cabin!

One of the great things about the Cabin is the completely relaxed and Christian atmosphere. There's so much camaraderie amongst us all, we really feel we can be ourselves - even though a lot of the women are strangers when we first get there! There's no gossiping, no back-biting, no cattiness that can sometimes define a "ladies weekend". Everyone is there to have a lot of fun and relaxation, and believe me, that's what we do!

One thing that I have noticed about these weekends, is that they always seem to come right when I need them the most. The last Cabin was last November, right after I had come through one of my more horrific months on memory, and the break from reality was just what I needed to re-charge. This weekend is no different. The last few weeks have been full of discouraging events, and this will be a much-needed escape from the "blahs" I've been fighting my way through. I need a good, long, gut-aching laugh! (and I'm certain I'll get more than one, if prior Cabin's have been any indication!)

Now, just one thing: don't expect to check this blog next week and find a lot of stories about the "antics" from the weekend, because there's just one rule that governs the Scrapping Cabin and its participants:

"What happens at the Cabin, STAYS at the Cabin!!"

(heehee, I can't wait!)

So close....and yet, so far......

2008-04-24T21:21:00.003-04:00

You know that very sinking feeling you get, when you've been on a very long journey, and you're sure you can see the finish line....and then find out it's only the half-way marker?

I'm there.

I thought we were almost done. Only a few things left to do.

I just found out how much we really have left to do.

I feel exhausted just thinking about it.

I'm at that point where I have to keep reminding myself to TRUST. God know's what He's doing, and He knows when He wants us where. But it's not easy right now, I want what I want, and I want it now!!

I hate waiting.

But God keeps reminding me to trust Him, not myself.

It will all work out the way it's supposed to.

Maybe if my head says that enough times, my heart will start to believe it....

I guess it's been a while...

2008-04-17T20:57:00.002-04:00

...since I actually wrote anything on this blog. But, to be honest, I just haven't felt like writing.

It's not that I don't have anything to write about, I just haven't had the motivation, and for that matter, the words, to write it all down.

There have actually been times when I've thought that I'd like to write something on here, but then I decide no.....not really sure why, I just sit and find other things to do. Like play Scrabulous, or Sudoku, or browse Facebook...

At one point, I was considering writing down here everything I've been discovering in my bible study. My take on Galatians. The various interesting tid-bits I've been coming across in my research.

But then, I decide no....it's too much effort, and I'll just end up getting behind.

Maybe I just have too much going on -- trying to (FINALLY!) get this house on the market, taking CIP courses, practicing for Marked By Love engagements,......

Or maybe I'm just scared to start writing because I might post something I'll regret.

It hasn't been a particularly pleasant spring so far, and I hate being negative on here. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: The last thing I want is for this blog to become the place where I vent all my negative thoughts for all the world to see! Who wants to read that kind of negativity??

And so, I will follow that old piece of advice: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

Hopefully I'll start writing on here more, and hopefully I'll start posting more photos on my photo blog.

But, until then, I'll just keep on keeping up, keep the positive thoughts flowing, and see where the rest of this spring takes me.

Confessions of a Chocoloholic

2008-02-18T18:02:00.002-05:00

I'm bad.

I'm very bad.

Always have been.

Probably always will be.

My self-control when it comes to anything chocolate is seriously lacking!

A good friend of mine recently blogged about her love of sweets. It really made me think of my own weakness for all things chocolate.

Like Kat, I too have a serious mouth-ful of sweet teeth. I'll always appreciate desserts, I love lots of maple syrup on my pancakes or french toast, I enjoy caramel flavouring in my coffee, and all sorts of confections. My first love, however, will always be chocolate! I think every dessert recipe I make has some form of chocolate in it, be it the chocolate chips, the chocolate pudding mix, the chocolate sauce....

I think I can honestly say, I've never met a chocolate I didn't like!

So, how do I combat it? It's not easy, let me tell you!

I've actually been pretty good at disciplining myself when I'm in the grocery store. Only buying that which I need for meals, passing by the bakery and the cookie isles...I'm usually pretty successful in getting up to the check-out counter without a lot of junk in my basket.

So, where does it all come from?...

Christmas is a bad time for me where chocolate is concerned. Most gifts we get from acquaintances are in the form of some sort of chocolate. And, when chocolate is in the house, it calls to me....saying, "eat me!"......and I can't resist. I usually justify it by saying, "the sooner I eat it, the sooner it's gone, and the sooner I can get back to staying away from it!"....which usually results in some serious chocolate binging.

My dear hubby doesn't help. He has a sweet tooth or two himself. If he goes into a grocery store, he invariably comes out with whatever baked goods happened to be on sale that day.

Work used to be somewhat of a sanctuary. Until they put in the vending machines in the lunch room. Then they put in coffee machines in the kitchenettes, which dispense some very lovely hot chocolate.

Argh.

I don't think a lot of people take it seriously when I refer to chocolate as an addiction. But I have to confess, the behaviours associated with my chocolate habits are very close to addiction! When it's in front of me, I can't help but reach for it. Once I start, I often can't stop myself until I'm actually feeling ill. I've replaced meals with chocolate bars, I've fought small children for the last chocolate-chip cookie, I've even been desperate enough to raid certain tupperware containers of chocolate chips... (sorry, mom)... and I still haven't out-grown it.

Time for a chocolate intervention?

Just don't steal my stash of chocolate chipits....

Pain

2008-01-19T11:54:00.000-05:00

There's so much of it around these days.

The pain of a lost child...

The pain of a broken relationship...

The pain of ongoing conflict...

The pain of loneliness and depression...

It's everywhere. And I dare say there isn't a single person we interact with who isn't feeling some pain on some level.

There seems to be a perception out there that Christians should not be in pain. They should always be happy and joyful, because Jesus has taken away our sins, so there should be no pain to feel. If we are feeling pain, it's because our faith isn't strong enough, or because we're being punished for something....

BULLCRAP.

Christ's death and resurrection may have paid the price for our sins, and allow us to approach The Throne and accept the Mercy and Grace made available to us, but it doesn't mean we won't experience pain. We will still endure hardship, we will still suffer pain.

The difference is, we can lean on Him in our times of pain, and He can help us deal with the source of the pain. Being a Christian doesn't mean we have a "magic pill" to take away the pain of life in this world, but it does mean we have a refuge, a place where we can cry out and find comfort, and the strength to continue in spite of the pain.

So many times, I hear the question, "why do bad things happen to good people?" It goes back to that quote from Rick Warren in The Purpose-Driven Life: "God's not concerned about our comfort, He's concerned about our character". Everything is a lesson. Everything is preparation for the work He wants us to do. And unfortunately, some of us have to learn the hard way.

How can we comfort a grieving mother, if we haven't lost a child ourselves? How can we minister to a divorcee, if we haven't gone through the pain of separation/divorce ourselves? How can we understand the pain of unrelenting depression, if we haven't experienced it ourselves? Even God subjected Himself to the human experience, so He knows what we are going through. So many times, we'll look back on our times of pain, and realize that the experience prepared us for what was to come, and we'll find purpose in what initially appeared to be a meaningless horror.

I know it doesn't help to hear this when you're in the midst of unbearable pain. In fact, it's usually the last thing you want to hear. You just want the pain to stop, for things to seem "normal" again, for it all to just go away. And I can say that, because I've been there.

But we have the ultimate Shoulder to cry on. Even when we don't have the words, and just cry out, the Holy Spirit prays for us. The Lord won't necessarily take our pain away, but He will wrap His arms around us, quiet our souls, and give us the strength to endure. And just like that old "Footprints" poem, when we can't go any further on our own, He will pick us up, and carry us.

Life isn't supposed to be painless.

But it shouldn't be hopeless, either.

O, Christmas Tree...

2007-12-18T18:59:00.001-05:00

It's interesting to see the number (and variety) of debates you can find when the Christmas season rolls around.

Take, for example, the endless debate of the artificial versus the real Christmas Tree.

(and yes, it's a Christmas Tree, not a "Holiday Tree"....don't get me started on that one)

Me, I've always had a real one. Preferrably a White Pine, the one with the long, soft needles. Very pretty with a nice set of white lights on it, the whole tree seems to glow when you turn them on.

A lot of people opt for the artificial route. I have heard many reasons for this: less mess, less maintenance, less over-all concern especially if there are little ones and pets underfoot.

If these are your reasons, I can't say I blame you. A real tree does require regular waterings if you want it to stay looking nice through the holidays. Regular waterings also help to keep the tree relatively fire-resistant. Some trees are messier than others, although I have to say the the White Pines we get tend to be fairly clean - not a lot of needle-shed. And if the tree does get knocked over, there is the issue of the water on the floor/carpet/whatever it's sitting on.

But as far as I'm concerned, the extra effort is worth it! Yes, artificial trees are getting nicer and nicer (and more expensive!), but in my book, nothing compares to a real tree. It's become a tradition for all of us Rayments to make the trek out to the tree farm every year for the Great Christmas Tree Hunt. And when you get the freshly cut tree into the house, you can smell the nice, (real!) pine scent in your living room...

Now, there is one argument against real trees that I really can't understand. It's the environmental argument. Apparently, there are many who advocate artificial trees as being preferable for the environment, because you're not cutting down a tree (and therefore denuding the natural world for your own decoration), and you're not putting a tree into the landfills every year.

If you are of the opinion that artificial trees are better for the environment, I invite you to consider the following points:

1. No harmful chemicals, man-made materials, or pollution were used or produced in the manufacturing of my tree. OK, with the exception of the odd pesticide. But other than that, my tree is made entirely of natural fibres.

2. The tree I cut down was grown on a tree farm, for the specific purpose of being cut down and used as a Christmas Tree. Also, every time I cut down a Christmas tree, the tree farmer plants another one in it's place. It seems to me that one of the big "environmentally conscious" things to do, is to go out to a clear cut area and plant saplings to replace the trees harvested by the lumber industry. I'm only cutting down one tree a year, and it is immediately replaced by the owner of the tree farm.

3. When I am finished with my tree, it is 100% biodegradable. While, yes, it may take up space in a landfill, it will break down as naturally as any other tree in a forest which has died of natural causes. Let me ask you: what happens to all those artificial trees when they aren't so nice-looking anymore, or are just plain out-of-style? How well do they break down in a landfill? If they are "recycle-able", how much pollution is produced by the recycling plant in the recycling process?

I couldn't believe it when I actually read an article about having a "green Christmas" (read that, "environmentally friendly" Christmas), and it actually encouraged people to buy artificial trees. In my opinion, the environmentally friendly thing to do is to buy a real tree from a tree farmer. The uses for the tree when you are done are numerous: mulch, firewood, crafts, to name just a few, and the whole process is entirely natural.

If you prefer an artificial tree because you have littles ones or pets, or you simply can't care for a real tree, then I won't argue with you. That's a case of personal preference, and I have no problem with that.

But if you try to tell me that having an artificial tree is the environmentally friendly thing to do, be prepared for an argument.

Because unlike my tree, your arguments just don't hold water.

Holy Rotten Timing, Batman!!

2007-12-03T21:49:00.000-05:00

My neck and shoulder hurt.

I've come down with my first cold of the season.

And I have to write a 3-hour final exam on Wednesday!!!

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Why doesn't it feel like Christmas?...

2007-11-30T20:32:00.000-05:00

Advent starts this week.

Stores are in full Kris Kringle mode.

Houses are getting decorated, trees are being cut/set up/decorated.

So why doesn't it feel like Christmas?

I must have too much going on in my mind. Too many thoughts, too many events, too much news (most of it not particularly positive)...

Maybe I'll feel it more after tomorrow night, when we have the annual Christmas With The Salvation Army concert at Roy Thomson Hall.

Maybe I'll feel it more after my exam (for which I really should be studying right now) on Wednesday.

Maybe once my living room is finished, and I can actually put up my own Christmas tree and decorations... (what's that old saying about hope springing eternal?...)

I'm finding it hard to believe that it will be December tomorrow. What happened to October?...oh, never mind, I know only too well what happened to October. I'm still recovering from October. November was certainly a better month, what I can remember of it.

The retail business is certainly pulling out all the stops in trying to get everyone into the Christmas spirit. I just wish their Christmas spirit was the same as my Christmas Spirit. Imagine how much more enjoyable Christmas would be, if it were all about getting together with family and friends, going to parties, hosting parties, celebrating the actual reason we have a holiday (read that, Holy Day) at all. No blown bank accounts and huge credit card debts. No stressing out about what to buy that person who "has it all". No hassles in crowded stores, no fighting over that Big Ticket Item that always seems to crop up every year.

I think it was Madonna (ironic?) and her husband who said that they stopped having Christmas as the secular world knows it. No presents in their house. Just spending time together. For once, I think she's actually done something I can truly admire. I don't know what her motives are, but the idea certainly has merit. Wouldn't you find Christmas more enjoyable? I really think I would.

Just think, no whiney kids when they don't get what they want, or don't get as much as they think they should, or think their sibling got more stuff than they did. No pretending to like something that you know you'll never use, just so you don't offend the person who thought it was perfect for you. No resentment from buying that gift for that person you really don't like, but feel you have to buy for out of duty. No false-ness, no shallowness, no stress, NO COMMERCIALISM...

Whadaya think? Can we get back to basics? Or has Christmas been hijacked to such an extent that it's lost to us forever?

I suppose it may be too much to ask. The western world has become so secularized (or should I say, anti-Christian) that the public perception of Christmas really has become "X-mas" - taking Christ right out of it. Heck, you hardly even hear it called "Christmas" anymore, it's "the holidays". People don't say "Merry Christmas" anymore, it's "Happy Holidays", or my personal pet-peeve, "Season's Greetings". (blech!) Christmas is Santa Claus, perfectly wrapped presents,
fancy Christmas Trees decorated in the most modern style (is it still the big, colourful ribbons with coordinated ornaments? Or is that passe this year?)...

It's really quite sad, if you ask me.

Maybe it'll start to feel like Christmas when I can sit down with my family, relax, and just enjoy being with them. Maybe when I can put the focus where it should be, on a manger in Bethlehem, and on a wee Babe who would change the course of history. No big concerts, no big productions, no big, bright, flashy displays.

Just me, my family, and Him.

You go, girl!!

2007-11-24T11:31:00.000-05:00

Read here.

Can't blame ya, Les!

Keeping my head above water

2007-11-08T21:24:00.000-05:00

I'm managing.

Vacations are wonderful things for getting away from life, clearing one's head, reducing one's stress levels, but they can also cause further stress....and I'm not just referring to my husband getting sick right when we were supposed to be heading home! It's been the worst autumn I can remember. One thing on top of another on top of another. I feel so beat up right now, I can't roll with any more punches.

But I do feel as though I have a better handle on things now. I still miss Fay. I look over at her empty desk, and I miss her. I see all the exciting changes happening in the office, and I miss her.

But I'm managing. My head isn't quite so foggy. I feel I can function again.

The piles of paper at work aren't going away. They're actually only going to get worse in the next while, and I'm behind already due to being away for a week.

But it's manageable.

I have a temporary team leader. I now know who my new permanent team leader will be, once the Grand Shuffle is completed in our department. I will also have an entirely new team to work with, and a new desk mate to get to know. I also know where my new desk will be, and I actually move into it on Monday. Which means I have to find time tomorrow to pack up my current desk.

But it's manageable.

If I can take that next breath, tackle that next piece of mail, make that next phone call,....

I can manage.

I can manage, in spite of the latest news, which I'm still trying to absorb. "C" is now closer to home than I've ever wanted it to be. There are a lot of positive aspects to this news, but the natural reaction is still one of fear, worry, concern...

I can manage, in spite of the ongoing upheaval of a house undergoing constant renovations. Still lots left to do.

But, I can manage.

When we were driving to Florida a couple of weeks ago, it rained most of the way. At one point, we were driving through the mountains of West Virginia (or it might have been Virginia...not sure), and the rain let up a bit; the sun shone through a little; and a huge, beautiful, full-arch rainbow appeared right beside us.

And I heard that still, small, voice whisper in my ear,

"Don't worry. I'm taking care of you."

Muddling through...

2007-10-18T22:51:00.000-04:00

Well, it's beginning to sink in. Doesn't make any sense yet, and I'm sure it may be a very long time before it does, if ever. I'm getting over the shock. Still a little off-balance, and my head is still fuzzy, but overall I'm beginning to feel better.

That doesn't mean it's any easier, mind you.

It's been a rough week, to say the least. The visitation was on Monday, the funeral on Tuesday. Very quick, it seemed, but I guess that's how her family wanted it. It was so heart-breaking to see her sons, only in their 20's (and looking even younger!).

I thought the funeral was very meaningful, even though I've never experienced a Greek Orthodox funeral before, and had no hope of understanding all the Greek being sung. The liturgy was actually rather comforting, and the priest did do some translation for us english-only folks. And there was quite a contingent of us -- I think the people from work accounted for about 1/4 of the congregation.

We're slowly losing the things that remind us of Fay. Her sons came in last night to collect her things from her desk, so we no longer see her shawl draped over her chair (she was cold-blooded, like me, and often was wrapping herself up in that shawl), no longer see the photos of her sons and nephews on the desk...maybe it's for the best, it doesn't seem so much like she should be walking in the door at any minute...

But I'll always see her leaning against my desk when she would stop by for a chat, or sitting in the "lounge" in our team area, when we'd have an impromptu meeting ("just two minutes!"), or just sitting around on a Friday morning with our coffees, and I still hear her voice when I read the notes she's left in my files...

I worked with Fay for 5 years. I was placed on her team when she first became a team leader, not long after I started with the company. She and I usually worked very well together. There was an unfortunate period of time, when things weren't going so well, and most people on the team were upset with her, but in the last few months, she was an absolute pleasure to work with. There were a lot of similarities in our personalities, so I felt I understood her fairly well. She always encouraged me, wasn't afraid to give me a good, swift, kick in the rear whenever I needed it, but I always knew she was in my corner.

It will take some time to get used to not having her there, she was a big part of my life at work. I'm going to miss teasing her about her computer skills (or rather, the lack thereof!), or about her, well, interesting terms (I'll never look at another gargoyle without thinking, "it's 'mooshy'"); I'll miss hearing about her sons and their latest accomplishments, or her nephews, or her nieces, or her mom... she was a lady who loved her family and friends dearly.

I had someone say to me today, rather bluntly, that life goes on. Indeed, it does. But that doesn't mean I'm wrong in taking my time getting back to "normal". I don't want life to just "go on", and forget about her. Yes, we must move on, but the last thing I want to do is leave her memory behind.

I can't just pretend nothing happened, push it away, and not deal with it.

I have to face it head-on.

She deserves that much.

Senseless

2007-10-12T17:44:00.000-04:00

How do you make sense of it?

Especially when you're in such a state of shock that it's hard to think straight in the first place. My mind is in a fog, and I'm not seeing too clearly either thanks to the leaky eyes. (it also messes up the glasses)

I keep waiting to wake up, for someone to tell me it's all a misunderstanding, that nothing is what it seems. But I know that won't happen.

Deep down, I know.

I know that when I go to work on Monday, my boss won't be there. I know there will be an empty desk, where just a couple of days ago, there was a happy, caring, slightly quirky woman who would go to the ends of the earth for her family, friends, and team.

I pray God will bring comfort to her family right now and in the days to come.

Rest in Peace, Fay.

sigh

2007-09-15T10:57:00.000-04:00

Well, we're trying......still trying.....(very trying).....to get this house on the market.....there's still SO much to do! I guess that's what happens when you own a 50 yr-old house that really hasn't had a whole lot done to it in the last 50 years.

We are making progress, though! The kitchen is (finally!!) done (except for a couple of odds and ends, like the under-counter valance, and painting the new trim)(oh, and finishing the cupboard behind the door)(and the transition strips), rooms are getting painting this week, the downstairs apartment is as done as it's going to get, although the downstairs hallway, laundry room, and storage room still need help...

*sigh*

But, we're further ahead than we were. It's getting there. Mainly little stuff left to do, which we (hopefully) can get done before Thanksgiving. Yeah, I know, not the best time to list a house, but I just want to GET IT LISTED AND BE DONE WITH IT.

Do I sound convinced yet? It's hard to stay optimistic when I look around and see how much we still have to do, compared to how much time we have to get it done in. Thankfully, Mom and Dad are coming out this week to help, to do some painting for us (yay!!), so that will be a couple more things crossed off the list.

*sigh*

Know anyone who would like to buy a cute little 3-bedroom bungalow in Scarborough, with an in-law suite in the basement?.....

Further update!

2007-08-24T17:03:00.001-04:00

Well, I have the first batch of photo's back from our trip downeast, and I have to say I'm quite pleased! My favorites have been posted on my online scrapbook. So far, I have photos for the wedding, and the first part of the trip up until our drive back across Newfoundland. (Those of you who are my friends on facebook can see most of the photos on my profile.) The shots from the ferry until New Brunswick are currently being developed, and the last shots of the Bay of Fundy are still in the camera.

The trip was amazing! I wish we could have stayed longer in some places - particularly Newfoundland. We really didn't get enough time there, I would have liked to have spent another day in St. John's, and I wish we could have swung off the Trans-Canada Highway to see more of the little places along the way. Unfortunately, our time was dictated by the ferry schedule, and you have to reserve your ferry ahead of time.

Next time we go downeast, I'd really like to get to PEI! We didn't make it this time, we simply ran out of time! We saw Cape Breton, and drove the Cabot Trail, but we didn't get down the "foot" of Nova Scotia (ie. down to Halifax and Yarmouth). We'd really need to do it in 2 trips: Newfoundland one trip, the rest of the Maritimes another. I really hope we get that chance in the years to come!

In the mean time, I've gained some wonderful memories, and some great photos (if I do say so myself!)

Photo Update

2007-08-22T21:50:00.001-04:00

Well, I don't have the Down East photos back from the developer yet, but if you go to my online "scrapbook", you can see some shots I took in Algonquin Park this past July. We went canoeing very early one morning, and I tell ya, I was sure glad I had my camera along!

I'm Back!

2007-08-21T16:48:00.000-04:00

Yes, indeedee! I'm back, after a very long absence from the blogging world! And yes, I do have reasons - we actually just got back from a 2-week trip down east. We drove to St. John's, Newfoundland and back! I'm waiting for the photos to be developed, then I'll post a few on my photo blog for all to see!

Meanwhile, it's time to get to work! Lots to do around here, if we have a hope of getting the house listed this year. (needs to be done next month at the latest!!) Can we do it? Well, I guess we'll have to see. But the prospect of another year in this city does not exactly have me excited... At least the kitchen is pretty much done. Just a few pieces of trim to go, but we can get that done while we're also doing trim, painting, repairs, etc. in the rest of the house.

Here's hoping!.....

...so goes the battle...

2007-07-13T20:43:00.000-04:00

There's a war going on in my life.

Well, actually, there's a few of them, on different fronts. Some are long-fought battles against old enemies, some are new skirmishes. The one I'm thinking of right now is one that's been with me, well, pretty much all my life.

The name of the enemy?

Laziness.

I don't think I can honestly remember a time without Laziness hanging around my neck, sneaking up behind me, pulling me down, making me his prisoner. It goes right back to when I was a kid. I never did nearly as well in school as I should have, because instead of my attitude being one of "how well can I do?", it was, "what can I get away with?" Why put hours of work into a project and to get a 90%, when I can put minimal work into it and pull of a still-respectable 80%?

It's an attitude I've never really been able to shake, no matter how hard I fight to get beyond it. I am the Queen of Good Intentions. (and yes, I know what the road to hell is paved with!) I'll start out like gang-busters, then just when I think I'm doing well, Laziness sneaks up behind me and trips me up.

Argh.

It doesn't help that I'm not only Lazy, I'm a Lazy Procrastinator. Now, some of you may be thinking, "don't those 2 go hand-in-hand?" Actually, it is very easy to be a Procrastinator without being Lazy, and although it's less common, you can be Lazy without being a Procrastinator.

Allow me to clarify:

There are some Procrastinators whose M.O. is to find everything possible to do to make themselves busy, and in so doing, avoid the important task they really need to do. They are far from Lazy, they are actually working themselves to death. But they are still Procrastinating, because they are putting off doing what they really should be doing.

There are also some very Lazy people who don't put off doing things, they just find ways to accomplish what needs to be done with as little work as possible. As a result, the end product is usually very poor quality, because they are too Lazy to do the task properly.

The Lazy Procrastinator, on the other hand, is much worse. Not only does the important task not get done, but nothing else gets done in its place. The Lazy Procrastinator lives by the adage, "Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?", and plunks themselves down on the couch and watches TV. Or plays video games. Or reads a novel. Or sits in front of a computer and does nothing but blog...

I'm finding ways to win the small battles, though. One tactic I've taken to using is the "Nike" approach. ("Just Do It!") There are times when I will literally kick myself in the butt and get moving. Other times, if I'm already in motion, I'll prevent myself from sitting down on the couch. I leave the TV turned off. (which is easier to do when I'm home alone...) I leave the computer turned off.

And slowly, I'm beginning to win. A skirmish here. A duel there. Stuff gets done, and I feel much better about myself. (There's nothing worse than that horrible sinking feeling you get while looking at the piles of unwashed dishes, knowing you could have avoided the 45mins of standing at a sink if you had not let Laziness get the upper hand 4 nights ago.)

Now I just have to get rid of the excuses. I'm a typical working wife in many ways: working a full time job, coming home and thinking, "I'm too tired from working all day to do anything around here!" But, then I look at my SIL, (who is the energizer bunny incarnate), and I see how much she can get done in an evening, after working all day. If I could do half of what she gets done, I'd be way ahead of the game. And why can't I?

I just have to make up my mind to do it.

Maybe next week....

Give me Ears to Listen

2007-06-25T21:15:00.000-04:00

He's trying to tell me something.

(Well, He's not trying, He's doing. The problem is on the receiving end.)

I can't quite decipher it yet. But there's that disturbance in my spirit, that tells me there's something I need to learn, something I need to do, or stop doing...I just can't put my finger on it.

There's been something bothering me the last while, probably for a few weeks. I've put it down to stress (both from life and from work), tiredness, selfishness, whatever I can think of, but bottom line, there's something not quite right.

He's trying to tell me what it is, and I can't quite figure it out.

I came to this realization today. I was reminded of an old prayer on the weekend, and I decided I wanted to pray it every day. Not just for the sake of repeating a prayer for the sake of repeating it (and therefore feeling good about myself for having said it), but because it's truly what I want in my life. I know I lack. I'm far from the person God wants me to be. I guess I felt that one step on the road to becoming that person is to pray this prayer (and really mean it!!) on a regular basis. So I started with it today.

And I immediately felt Him telling me something. I just can't hear Him clearly yet - there's too much of me in the way. But I know it's important, and I'd better listen up.

"God be in my head, and in my understanding.
God be in my eyes, and in my looking.
God be in my mouth, and in my speaking.
God be in my heart, and in my thinking.
God be at my end, and at my departing."

Rest

2007-06-18T20:18:00.000-04:00

I mentioned this before, the concept of rest. Not sleep, but rest.

I got some rest this weekend. I'm actually feeling rather sleep-deprived at the moment, but I feel rested.

Ironic?

Not when you think about it.

No, I didn't get enough sleep. I came home from work today feeling like I needed a 2-hour nap. But I was able to do something this weekend that I don't often have a chance to do: I took a break from the world.

I didn't run away, I didn't go into seclusion, I didn't join a convent or anything drastic like that. I was home alone (band-widowed again), which allowed me to work on myself a little. (and the house, for that matter - it's amazing how much better one feels with a clean house!) It was a much-needed time-out from the hectic busy-ness that is my life these days.

Don't get me wrong, I missed Doug while he was away! But being the stereotypical introvert, I find being around people to be very tiring. It's taken Doug a little while to learn that when I first come home from work, I need to just be by myself for a little while, so I can re-charge and calm down. Dealing with people all day every day is very wearing on someone with my personality type, and I need a break from it. Otherwise, I can get just a little cranky.

Today, my head feels clearer, I feel better about myself, about my ability to cope. I'm actually starting to feel like a grown-up, instead of a kid playing "house". It doesn't feel so much like my world is crashing down around me.

All because I got some rest.

Now, if only I could just get some sleep.....

Still here

2007-06-14T22:51:00.000-04:00

Yes, I'm still here. Still breathing, still upright.

It's been a strange few weeks. I've been finding myself swinging between confident, together, responsible adult, and scared, insecure, depressed kid. I have a bad habit of allowing myself to be affected by events which are outside of my control. Combine that with the other bad habit of not doing anything to help myself.

There are times, though, when I feel like I'm getting my life together. My house gets cleaned. Responsibilities get taken care of. I act like my age.

But then, it's only a few days before I'm parked in front of the TV, or at the computer, feeling sorry for myself and wishing I could just run away and hide from the world.

I screwed up big time today. Well, the screw-up wasn't today, but I suffered the consequences today. I won't go into detail about what happened, but suffice to say that I was reminded of how I can do things without thinking, and that a seemingly small, stupid act can catch up to you in a big way.

And now I want to crawl into a hole. I'm embarrassed, I'm chagrinned, I'm very angry with myself. I'm also lucky to have only been reprimanded and warned.

But I'll get over it. And I'll learn from it.

And the confidence will come back. I'll start getting things together again, and I'll feel like a grown-up.

Maybe I'll even act like one.

Guess it's been a while...

2007-06-02T01:58:00.000-04:00

There I am, saying I'm going to write more often....and here I am, writing no more frequently than I did before...

Sorry...

I guess you could say I've been a little busy lately. Goings-on at work, goings-on at home, goings-on at the corps...I really haven't had time to think, let alone write. Case in point, here I sit at 2am Saturday morning, which seems to be the only time I can find to write...and I'm still not sure what I'm going to write about...I just know I want to write....

There have been a lot of disturbing things happening lately, both in my own little world, and in the big world out there. It makes me want to come up with something profound to say, but I find myself so exhausted from all the angst that I just can't put anything coherent together. I need rest. Not just sleep, but rest. Rest from responsibility, rest from conflict, rest from the world in general. Just for a little while...

OK, I've written and deleted way too many paragraphs at this point, nothing is coming out the way I want it to come out. I think I'll quit for the night, and at least get the sleep part of the rest I'm needing. See you (hopefully!) in a little while....

PROGRESS!!!

2007-05-17T19:20:00.000-04:00

Yay!!

I never thought I'd be happy about having my house turned into a construction zone, but when you've spent months (years, even!) waiting to have your kitchen reno'd, it's a very exciting thing! What makes it bear-able, is that we have a separate apartment in our basement, which is currently not rented out -- I therefore still have a fully functioning kitchen while the upstairs one is ripped apart!

Things are (finally!) moving along, everything is outa there (some of it is already in the dump!), and the new cabinets have been ordered. Of course, the main floor of the house is covered in plaster dust, but I can live with that...it's only temporary.

We're still seriously behind schedule -- it looks like we won't be able to list the house until late summer, maybe even September. When you consider we had originally planned to move a year ago, it's very frustrating...but I'm staying positive by looking at the fact that the things that need to get done are finally getting done! As long as we can maintain the momentum, I'll be happy. The trick is not losing steam before we get to the end of the track...

Still frustrated....

2007-05-05T17:11:00.000-04:00

...but dealing with it. One of these days, I'll learn that I can't always be in control, and things will all work out the way they're supposed to.

Like I said, I must have prayed for patience or something....

I'm on my own right now, another band widow weekend. The CSB is in Montreal this weekend, it will be one of the last times that the march "Montreal Citadel" will be played in Montreal Citadel! It's very special for the CSB, because that march is their "March march" - ie. the march they play while on the march in various parts of the world. (and it's not the same, without Scott Gross taking the one repeat down the octave!)

So, in the mean time, I'm getting some much-needed spring cleaning done, both inside and outside. Helps with the frustration level, when I can at least get some things done and at least pretend that we're moving forward...(sorry, there I go again)....

(ok, I gotta stop now)

Ready to Explode

2007-05-02T17:14:00.000-04:00

Things are not going my way.

I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, unable to go forward. I know what I want to do, and where I want to go, but it feels like there's some kind of barrier between me and my goals. It's like one of those mysterious energy fields out of Star Trek - you can't see it, but it holds you back, and the more energy you put into getting through it, the more energy you waste, and you get no-where.

I must have prayed for patience somewhere along the line -- that's the only explanation I can come up with. Everything keeps getting delayed more and more and more, and I'm not sure how much more of it I can take! Part of me wants to say "@#$@# it!" and give up, but you know me -- I'm much too stubborn for that. I just keep banging my head against the wall. (mainly because I can't bang other people's heads against the wall)

Sorry for the yucky blog. I'm just very miserable right now.

I need chocolate....

Hmmm

2007-04-26T16:12:00.000-04:00

OK, so I just looked at my blog...and realised, it's almost the end of the month, and I've only posted twice! And here, I'm the one who checks other people's blogs, and gets impatient if someone doesn't post every-other-day!

Hmmm. Guess maybe I should blog a little more often?...

The problem is, though, there are many days when I sit here, and just can't think of anything to say. Anyone who knows me, will tell you I'm a very quiet person - I don't often have a whole lot to say, unless you get me onto a certain topic. Other than that, I usually let other people do the talking.

But, in the interest of not boring people to death, and therefore encouraging them to NOT check my blog, I hereby resolve to blog more often...even if it's just to say, I have nothing to say!

And to be honest, I really don't have a lot to say today, other than to apologise for not being a regular blogger, and to say I'm going to write more often.

See, this is what happens when I have nothing to say: I will find 15 ways to say nothing over and over and over......

OK, I'm even starting to annoy myself....

Wanna buy a CD???

2007-04-20T18:56:00.000-04:00

Yes, the Marked By Love recording is now available!!

You can get them from any Marked By Love member (including myself and my hubby!) for $20.00 each. All proceeds will be going to support the Ethembeni Babies Home in South Africa - you can get more details on the website. There is also a link there to the Marked By Love MySpace page, where you can listen to a snippet or 2 of the music. (for those of you who like to sample the wares before you buy!)

We had a lot of fun recording this project, and I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I do!

The Naked Jesus

2007-04-04T19:19:00.000-04:00

I've been following, with some interest, the stories regarding a certain sculpture in chocolate. You've probably heard about it - the image of Christ, hanging on an invisible cross, made out of pure milk chocolate. You've also probably heard about all the hoop-la it's caused, and the subsequent cancellation of the exhibit.

The Christian leaders who protested (and, surprisingly enough, were heard), weren't so concerned about the fact that it was an image of Jesus Christ made in chocolate; it was the fact that he was shown stark naked. (and anatomically correct)

Yeah, I wouldn't want to see my Lord and Saviour portrayed that way, either.

But, it reminded me of something I read long ago, something that put a whole different perspective on Good Friday for me. I once read a book called "The Hiding Place", by Corrie TenBoom. For those of you who have never heard of her, Corrie was a Christian lady, who hid Jews in her home during the nazi occupation of Holland. She was eventually found out, and sent to a concentration camp for being a conspirator. Corrie survived the ordeal, and later wrote about it.

I remember one scene she described, as she and her sister (both of whom were in their 50's by this time) were waiting in line at intake at the concentration camp, stark naked in a room full of other women prisoners and prison guards. In the middle of all that humiliation, Corrie leaned ahead to her sister, and whispered, "Betsie, they took His clothes, too!"

You see, crucifixion (as horrible as it was) wasn't just about physical torture and death. It was also all about public humiliation. It says in the Bible, "When the soldiers crucified Jesus, they took his clothes, dividing them into four shares, one for each of them, with the undergarment remaining. 'Let's not tear it,' they said to one another. 'Let's decide by lot who will get it.'" (John 19:23-24) Did you see it? They took everything, including his undergarment. He was hanging there, naked, for all the world to see.

When you see crucifixes and artistic depictions of the crucifixion, they always portray Jesus with at least a loincloth. Which I think is correct, in that one day of that kind of humiliation is more than enough for any man, let alone God. We don't need to see it. But just remember, that's not actually how it happened. There was no loincloth, no hiding, no covering Himself.

He endured that kind of pain and humiliation for us. For you. For me.

Think about it....

Nutso-Crazo!

2007-03-29T18:39:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I guess it's been a while....

No, I haven't abandoned my blogs, I've just been rather caught up in goings-on around here...between practicing my fingers off for various Easter weekend gigs, and the insanity that's been work lately....

As for work, in the space of 3 months, we've lost 5 people from our unit. That means 5 caseloads to be absorbed by the rest of us, some of whom (including yours truly) are already at the maximum load you'd want to be at. Yee-ha. We've had 3 people quit (2 had new jobs to go to, the 3rd we don't know....), one person got promoted (yay!), and one person got fired. To top it all off, we were informed today that the unit manager is being moved to another unit, so we'll be getting a new manager.....sometime.....

Yikes!

As for Easter weekend gigs, I wanted to tell you all about a concert we'll be participating in on Easter Saturday (April 7th) at 7pm. It's the annual Impact Brass Anniversary concert. (for those of you who are confused, Impact Brass is the group formerly known as the Ontario South Divisional Youth Band) A group that Doug and I play with, Marked By Love, is the special guest group for the evening. If you haven't heard of us yet, check us out at markedbylove.com! We'll be performing music from our new CD, (which will hopefully be available that night!), as well as a brand new song, written especially by my friend, Donna Harris, for the occasion. If you're the type that likes to sample the wares prior to purchase, go to our MySpace site, where you can hear samples of the music we'll be playing.

If you'd like to come, the concert is at Mountain Citadel in Hamilton (at the corner of Stone Church Road and Upper Gage Ave), and I believe tickets are $10.00 at the door. We'd love to see you there!!!

If you're more the Toronto type, and don't feel like going to Hamilton, you can check out the North York Temple Good Friday concert. It's at the corps (25 Centre Ave, near Yonge and Steeles) on Good Friday evening, I believe it starts at 7:30, and I think the tickets are $5.00. The concert will feature the North York Temple musical sections, including the band, songsters, junior band, and singing company.

Any wonder I haven't had time to blog lately!!! Well, if you're able to make it to either of the concerts, maybe we can be old-fashioned, and catch up in person!

"PDL and Me"

2007-03-16T21:31:00.000-04:00

Well, that's what they've named my testimony this Sunday, anyway. I've been asked, as a representative from the songsters, to give my testimony about what I learned during the 40 days of Purpose.

I guess you could call this a trial run...

It would take me way too long to talk about everything I learned over the 4 weeks, so I'll just talk about the 2 main lessons that had their greatest impact on me.

The first lesson is that I am uniquely made with a specific ministry in mind. We are all made in a certain shape, with an individual personality, specific abilities, and given special gifts, which all equip us to serve God in the ministry he chose for us.

I have a very bad habit of constantly comparing myself to other people. I will often look at someone and think to myself, 'I really wish I had their ability'; 'I wish I had that personality trait'; 'I wish I could do what they do.' It's a trap: if we all had each other's gifts, abilities, and traits, then as Rick says, certain things wouldn't get done!

It's like a foot wishing it was a hand. If the foot was a hand, it wouldn't be able to do the job a foot is supposed to do, and the person would fall over. It's the same with us. We have a special place in God's family, and we have been designated for that ministry since before we were born. I need to accept my abilities and my limitations, and strive to grow into the person God made me to be, so I can do the job God created me to do.

Rick Warren had a really good suggestion for discovering just what our intended ministry is: try different things! Many people have no idea what their special place in God's family is. The mistake is to sit in a pew, and assume that you don't have a ministry. Instead, Rick suggests that you try out different ministries that interest you, until you find the one that fits you. If you find out you're not suited to a certain area of ministry, don't get discouraged; chalk it up to experience, and try something else.

Now, that's not to say that we can use the line "this is the way God made me" to justify poor behaviour. We still need to strive to become the person God intended us to be. And to do that, there is one person whom we must try to emulate: Christ. Just because you have certain personality traits that aren't all that positive, doesn't mean you should let them all hang out, especially when it is counter-productive to your ministry. God continually gives us opportunities to develop our character, so we can grow into the person He envisioned when He created us.

That's the second lesson that really stuck with me: God uses all kinds of experiences to mold us. I don't think there's a single person in my church who has not gone through a time of physical or emotional pain, or intense temptation. The important thing to remember is, "all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose."

I think everyone has asked the question, "why do bad things happen to good people?" Rick has a great answer for this: "God's not concerned about our comfort, He's concerned about our character!" I've experienced this first hand, and even during the 40 Days. When we met for study time on Thursday nights, we would spend the first part of the evening watching a video of Rick Warren. We would then break into small groups for discussion and prayer. The tricky part about the small group time, was that the groups were chosen entirely at random. We had no idea who was going to be in our group, until we actually met together for the first time.

Now, anyone who knows me, will know that I am your classic, stereotypical, shy, introvert. I don't feel very comfortable around people I don't know, and I tend to simply ignore them out of a total lack of knowledge of what to do! So, when I'm thrust into a group of people I don't know very well, or just plain don't like very much, it's very difficult for me to focus on what we're supposed to be doing. But, God's not concerned about my comfort; He's concerned about my character! So I decided I was going to learn from the experience, and keep my thoughts focussed on the discussion at hand, and not let my negative feelings get in the way. It was a challenge, I can tell you that!

One great suggestion Rick had was the concept of a Spiritual Journal, where one would record the experiences they have gone through, and the lessons learned through those experiences. Rick's comment was, "a lesson forgotten is an experience wasted." If God's going to allow you to go through a difficult experience for the purpose of teaching you a lesson, or developing a character trait, wouldn't it be horrible to realize that you've forgotten what you were supposed to learn? You would have gone through all that pain and angst for nothing! I took a lot of history courses in university, and one truth was demonstrated over and over again: those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.

What I can tell you for sure, is that I am continuing to go through difficulties and uncomfortable situations. I know I have a lot to learn, and I hope I can always remember what I've been taught in the past. I have important lessons to learn, because these lessons will equip me to fulfill the purpose God has for my life: to worship Him, to fellowship with other believers, to grow in Him, to serve in ministry, and to spread His gospel. I know I have a long way to go yet, before I begin to resemble the person God made me to be, but I firmly believe that He who began a good work in me, will carry it on to completion!

The Reading Paradox

2007-03-08T18:27:00.000-05:00

I love to read. Give me a good novel, and I'll have it read cover-to-cover in 2 days. (we're talking the 500-600 page size)

But, tell me I have to read something, and do you think I can do it?

It's like pulling teeth!

I started out so well, reading the Purpose Driven Life. I was on top of the readings, keeping on track, even remembering what I was reading. A book like that, you'd think I'd be flying through it, reading ahead, trying to pace myself so I don't have it read through so quickly that I don't remember things when we finally discuss them at the sessions.

Instead, it's a chore. One that I think to myself, "I really should do that.....right after I do something else...." I struggle to concentrate on what it is I'm reading, fight the distractions that wouldn't even touch my sub-conscious level if it were a good novel I was reading.

It's SO frustrating!

I'm seriously behind on PDL now. No hope of catching up. We have a session tonight, then the final session on Sunday. All I can do now is try to actually finish reading the book, but with no outside motivation, I'm not sure if it will happen.

(someone) is laughing right now.

And I hate it when (he) does that.

SNOW DAY!!!

2007-03-02T12:36:00.000-05:00

I so remember the excitement, back when I was a kid, whenever we had a snow day! The anticipation of listening to the radio, waiting to hear those wonderful words, "Wentworth County school board, buses cancelled!" Woo-hoo! Time to play outside all day, build snow forts, and play hooky with permission!!

I may be a grown-up now, but I still love a good snow day!!

They are certainly few-and-far-between; since I live only 10-15 minutes from my office, I usually don't have an excuse to not come in. Those that live much further away are much more believe-able, when they call in and say, "the roads are too bad, I can't drive in that!" I, on the other hand, would likely get the response of, "oh, it's not that bad, you don't have far to come..."

Today, though, is another story. Thanks to a whole lot of freezing rain, our entire office is without power.

Yee-Ha!! Snow Day!!

So I can relax, get some things done around here, and dream of what life would be like if I didn't have to work. I certainly wouldn't be bored, I've got too many irons in the fire! Between piano, scrapbooking, photography, all these things I just don't have the time to do with a full-time job.

But, I just might take some time to play in the snow, for old time's sake!

Getting Caught Up

2007-02-26T20:10:00.000-05:00

For those of you who are interested, yes, I went to bible study last week. I basically quarantined myself, so no-one else would catch what I had!

We watched another Rick Warren video, and then broke into our small groups. I ended up in a very interesting group, with a good mix: some people I know very well, and am very comfortable with; some people I don't know at all; and some people I do know, and am NOT very comfortable with. It will certainly help me to grow! I have to admit, I had to remind myself a couple of times to keep my not-so-nice thoughts in check, and to stay focussed on what we were discussing. It's a learning experience to say the least!

As far as the reading goes, I was doing wonderfully well (and quite proud of it!) until Friday. That old quote "pride goeth before the fall" came to life in vivid detail, as this evening was the first time I've read since Friday morning! (I feel sheepish...) I'm bound and determined to get caught up in time for this Thursday, though. Pray I won't let anything get in the way!

Speaking of which, I am going to sign off, so I can go read!

Gutting it out...

2007-02-21T15:14:00.000-05:00

You know, I'm getting the distinct impression that (someone) doesn't want me doing the 40 Days of Purpose...

I'm very happy to say, I've been doing all the readings so far! I'm right on schedule. It hasn't been easy, let me tell you! I've been fine, making the time to read: I've been doing one reading as soon as I wake up in the morning, and another reading each evening as I'm getting ready for bed. Each time, though, it's a battle to keep my concentration on what I'm reading. There's constant distraction: the TV is going elsewhere in the house, but loud enough for me to hear it; I have trouble staying awake (especially during the early-morning readings); other noises/thoughts intrude; and my bladder always seems to want to tell me it's full, even if it isn't! I've managed to ignore the distractions for the most part, although there have been several times when I've had to go back and re-read a paragraph or 2, because what I've read hasn't sunk in!

OK, so I'm battling through the readings. How about the weekly meetings? Well, we have our second one tomorrow night, and wouldn't you know it, I'm sick!! I finally picked up one of the many cold bugs flying around this year (actually, I think I did OK, not catching anything until February!), so far it's settled in my chest; I don't know if it's going to migrate upwards, or if this is it. Regardless, I have a feeling that tomorrow will be worse than today, just in time for our first meeting in small groups!

This set of readings and bible studies is evidently very important for me to participate in, if (he)'s working so hard to keep me from it! (he)'s not going to get the upper hand, and I'm going tomorrow night if I have to drag myself there and wear a mask!

40 Days of Purpose

2007-02-16T17:41:00.000-05:00

The musical sections at our corps are doing something very odd.

(for them, anyway)

For the next 4 weeks, there will be no rehearsals.

Instead, there will be Bible Study.

?????????????????????????????????

Anyone who knows anything about North York Temple, will know that it is one of the more traditional corps in the city, especially when it comes to music. We have a very strong band program, and the songsters aren't far behind. We have very strong leaders, a lot of musicians (with names like Venables, Allington, Rawlins), and the focus has always been the MUSIC.

So, when it was announced last week that the leaders would be giving up their rehearsal time (in the middle of a busy season, no less), and instead the groups would come together on one of the rehearsal nights to do a bible study, needless to say there were a few raised eyebrows. (mine included)

I'm thinking to myself, this could be a very good thing!

I was very surprised that the Bandmaster and Songster Leader agreed to this. Our corps band is a very busy one, with big grandiose concerts and special events happening every couple of months or so. They're even preparing to do a recording. But, I think this bible study shows that the priority is being put in the right place. It's also teaching the younger kids in the corps what the priority should be.

We'll be going through Rick Warren's "The Purpose-Driven Life". Now, our own little bible study group (when it was running) already did this book. I'm not upset about doing it again, though, because it was a couple of years ago, and to be honest, I don't remember a whole lot. I'm looking forward to refreshing my memory, and maybe getting a different perspective as well. (different leaders can have that effect!)

I'm also looking forward to being in a small group setting with people I don't normally hang out with. The small groups are being chosen completely by random, and while some may find that scarey, I'll be interested to see how the dynamic works out. Especially if I wind up in a group with someone I don't like/get along with/appreciate. As was said in the first session last night, "God's not worried about our comfort; He's concerned with our character".

One concession that was made for the leaders, is that we'll be squishing the "40 days" into 4 weeks, so we're having to read 2 chapters a day instead of 1. That's OK - I enjoy reading. I just hope I can keep up with it...

Sherrilyn and Elfreda brought up a very good point last week: we don't get near the scriptural teaching through the church that we used to. Think about it: we used to have 2 meetings plus open-air every Sunday, as kids we started in Sunday School, then went to Junior Soldiers, then Sr Soldiers, then Corps Cadets, then usually youth group every week. It was perfectly normal to be at the corps 4-5 days out of the week, and not just for musical practices.

But, then they started cutting things out, watering things down, and catering to outside influences. Short-cuts taken. Meetings cancelled. Programs altered in an attempt to "make it more relevant". Eventually, things just plain petered out. It's a sad state, really.

And we wonder why church attendance is down?....

I hope the rest of the congregation, and maybe even some other corps, might take our example and try the same thing. Take a sabbatical from something you think is important, and focus for a time on what truly is important. It's the age-old concept of fasting, and it can do wonders for your soul!

Deja Vu!

2007-02-14T22:59:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the heads-up, Donna!

There's a new blog out there, for all us Selkirk Alumni! If you were ever there, and have fond memories, this is the place to go! Share your memories, any fun photos you might have from any of the 50 years the camp was in operation, and take a stroll down amnesia lane...(to quote one of my favorite movies!)

A J9 Update!

2007-02-12T21:08:00.000-05:00

My official on-line scrapbook is now in business!

From now on, in an attempt to keep this site from getting too unwieldy, photos will be posted on my photo blog.

Don't worry, I'll still put very important ones here, but for the most part, I'll be reserving this site for discussions, updates, goings-on, etc.

Hope to see you there!

Some more shots...

2007-02-12T17:28:00.000-05:00

I've discovered that my favorite photography subjects, besides nature, are little kids. I guess it's the innocence of it all, or the fact that they can be so unaware.

Here are some shots I took of my niece and nephew up at Tobermory a couple of summers ago.

Leslie's kids are great, too. I had fun playing "peek-a-boo" with Honour at a family wedding...

I've noticed a disturbing trend lately, though: I've been forgetting my camera! I was actually half-way to my parents' for Christmas, of all things, and realized my camera was still at home!

I'd really like to get back into it, though, because I get so much enjoyment out of it. Unfortunately, it can be very expensive, between the film, the developing, etc. No, I haven't switched to digital, first of all because I can't afford a digital SLR yet, and secondly, there are effects you just can't get with digital, that can look amazing on film. Yes, it means I waste shots because I don't know what they look like until I get the film back, but that's all part of the learning process, as far as I'm concerned!

In the mean time, if you see me walking around with my camera, don't bother trying to hide. My favorite shots are the candid ones that people don't realize I'm taking, so I'll just get ya when you aren't looking!

Some shots I'm kinda proud of...

2007-02-09T23:12:00.000-05:00

Stubbs Falls, Arrowhead Provincial Park

Little East River (or is it the Big East?...not sure)

Took these a couple of years ago. It was Labour Day weekend, but as you can see, the trees were already trying to turn! I was experimenting with the one of the falls, I was surprised it actually turned out as well as it did!

Now that I know how to upload photos, I'm going to do it more often!

TGIF!!!

2007-02-09T22:12:00.000-05:00

(that's "G" as in, "Goodness"!)

Well, it's been a week. Of what, you ask?

Well, I guess you could say, a week in the life.....

We had a team member leave the company this week. She found that the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence (at least, when it comes to salaries), and got a job as an adjudicator for WSIB. Can't really blame her, she can start all over in a new job, new office, with more money and more holidays. A few of us are jealous...

As a result of her leaving, a couple of us moved desks. Not that we really had to, we just decided we wanted to, and for some reason, they actually agreed to move us! Very odd for this office....usually they fight us tooth-and-nail for anything....but I now have a bigger desk, by old desk buddy has more room (she can now expand into my old desk), and the girl who's desk I took is now in the "back of the bus" area. (you know, the desks back by the windows that are out-of-the-way and under-the-radar)

Something else a little odd happened today as well. For weeks (months, even), the powers-that-be have been asking us, "how can we make it better?", and our response is starting to become, "we already told you 15 times!". But, one of the complaints we've had is that people's accomplishments are not being recognized. Well, guess who got recognized today?! Apparently, my team leader decided that the letter I got from one of my claimants was worthy of recognition (she was VERY complimentary), so I was rewarded with a round of applause from the unit, and (believe it or not) a MALL GIFT CARD! We had heard rumours of these gift cards having been purchased, but we were all a little skeptical that they would ever actually surface. They actually proved us wrong for once.....we'll see how long it lasts....

One thing I'm very happy about right now is the amount of work getting done in my basement. Doug's been working his little tushy off! The laundry room, stairwell, and hallway are almost completely drywalled and taped, almost ready for priming! It's actually starting to feel like we're really going to get this place done and on the market. Dare I hope?....

Anyway, it's the weekend....FINALLY....I actually get to sleep in.....YAY!....I even get to go back to the Hammer tomorrow, even if it is for a band concert, but it is my brother's band that's playing, and both Doug and Dad are helping out, so that's OK. (holy run-on sentence, batman) I still get to see all the fam, and I always feel much more "at home" when I'm out there -- as far as I'm concerned, it's still home!

Sorry, nothing thought-provoking tonight. I'm too tired.

Catch ya later.

More things that make you say, "hmmm"

2007-02-01T17:53:00.000-05:00

Read an interesting news story today....

Apparently, a Baptist church in Sydney, Australia has posted a sign on their building, which reads, "Jesus Loves Osama".

Read about it here.

It's the basis of the Christian belief that God (and therefore, Jesus) loves everyone, regardless of who they are, and what they have done. Since God is Love, it is impossible for Him not to love all human life, even one such as Osama Bin Laden. Indeed, the sign on the church even has Matthew 5:44 quoted on it: "Love you enemies, and pray for those who persecute you".

I guess some people aren't liking the sign very much.

From what I understand, it's not the idea that Jesus could love Osama that they find offensive, it's more a mis-interpretation. I guess some people are seeing this sign, and reading, "Jesus approves of Osama."

I suppose it's an honest mistake, and I can see how the sign could be mis-interpretted. Perhaps the church should have been a little more specific. Maybe "Jesus loves Osama, regardless of what he has done"... Granted, it wouldn't look as nice, and maybe wouldn't have garnered quite as much attention.

Apparently, they aren't the only ones with that message on their building. There are quite a few churches in the inner city in Sydney with similar messages, basically asking for prayer for Osama and other terrorists. The Prime Minister of Australia didn't agree - he felt the prayers could be better used elsewhere... (?)

The reactions to questions have been interesting. The Anglican priest responded that he agreed with the theology, but found the sign "misleading, and potentially offensive". The Baptist spokesperson tried to distance herself, saying that the church was responsible for their own sign, and "they usually aren't this controversial."

Maybe we need to be a little more controversial. As long as we can back up what we're saying, it might do the world some good if we stopped hiding and made people think, react, and investigate.

After all, Jesus didn't get Himself crucified by being politically correct.....

Things that make you say, "hmmmm...."

2007-01-29T21:57:00.000-05:00

I read an interesting blog lately. Well, actually, it was the comments that were truly interesting.

When I was still in Hamilton, the corps I was going to planted a new church. It was a "Gen-X" church, as we put it then. Very different to what I'm used to - it would be very difficult for me, as a multi-generational Sally Ann, to consider it as a place I'd want to worship.

The point is, it isn't a church for me. It's a "church" for those that don't want the trappings, restraints, and pre-conceived notions of what a "church" should be. That doesn't make it any less a church than the one I attend (in full uniform!) every Sunday. It's still a place of worship, where the gospel is proclaimed.

As far as I'm concerned, it's getting back to the roots of what the Army originally was: something completely different, that met people where they were, on their level. I think William and Catherine would be proud.

The blog I'm referring to is an interesting look into the matter of "branding". I guess a few of the Sally Anners in the Hammer are getting their shorts in a knot over the fact that "The Salvation Army" isn't emblazoned on the frwy's building, t-shirts, etc, etc. I can see where the SA folks are coming from - they sacrificed and invested an awful lot in this new plant, hoping to reap a harvest. It now appears to them as if the frwy is completely turning their backs and going their own way.

What's the problem?

They are the "kids". I know that poor Winterberry had an entire generation leave them for the frwy, and they are now suffering from a severe lack of twenty- and thirty-somethings. Very tragic. Hard to recover from.

But shouldn't they be glad that their kids are involved in a ministry? Shouldn't they be glad that the seed they planted is growing and bearing fruit? Why are they getting upset over the lack of "branding" at frwy?

I suppose part of it has to do with hurt feelings. I can see where they're coming from. They sacrificed their future for the frwy, and now they feel as though they're being abandoned. I suppose it would be similar to the feeling a parent would have if their child turned their back on them and completely disowned them. Ouch. We've had a couple of new corps plants go the "non-branded" route here in the GTA, and we often hear comments along the lines of, "the Army did so much for them, and now they're trying to pretend they have nothing to do with us! How ungrateful is that?!"

But, is the frwy truly doing that? According to Pernell's blog, they are very appreciative, and very thankful, of all the Army has done for them, and are very proud to be part of the Army. So why don't they have the Army proclaimed all over their place?

Well, why should they? Does it really matter? What does it matter, in the grand scheme of things, whether a person comes to a place of worship with an Army crest, or an Army shield? Shouldn't the important thing be that they are coming to a place of worship at all?

There was a great comment on Pernell's blog, where someone stated that the only "brand" that should really count is that of Christ.

I couldn't agree more.

The unfortunate thing with "branding" is that people see a certain name, and they assume certain things. Let's face it: you see "The Salvation Army", and you immediately think of uniform, flags, and brass bands. You see "Brethren Church", and you immediately think of women keeping silent, with their heads covered. You see "United Church", and you immediately think of inclusive language. It's a human trait to affix labels, I guess we think it's going to help organize the world, make it more manageable, more understandable. I can certainly see why the frwy is not wanting to "brand" themselves as Army, they just want people to come and figure it out for themselves, without pre-conceived notions. Can you blame them?

If this is a topic that gets your blood flowing, I'd encourage you to visit Pernell's blog. The comments are very eye-opening. Kinda puts the other perspective on things....

Why?

2007-01-26T18:34:00.000-05:00

I got this as an email from a friend at work. Just had to share it, it's just too funny!

Why?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot"?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Toronto Traffic

2007-01-17T21:45:00.000-05:00

If I've learned nothing else over the last 4 years of Toronto driving, it's that Toronto Traffic takes on a life all it's own. Most of the time, there's no rhyme or reason behind it.

I have come to the conclusion that it's not really about the highway system, it's not the traffic patterns so-to-speak, and it's not a whole lot to do with the number of people trying to go in the same direction all at once.

It's all about the Corollas.

More specifically, people who drive the Corollas.

Now, I'm not saying that all Corolla drivers are bad drivers, nor am I saying that bad drivers will only be found in Corollas. However, after several years of observation, frustration, and outright road rage, there appears (to me) to be a disproportionate number of bad drivers driving Corollas in the GTA.

Give it a try next time you're driving in Toronto. Find yourself a traffic jam (shouldn't be too difficult), and 9 times out of 10, the slow car holding up the works will be a Corolla. Usually a slightly older one, late 90's or so, although the newer Corollas are not immune to Corolla Driver Syndrome. I've learned not to drive behind a Corolla, because the driver will invariably drive slower than the speed limit, change lanes without warning, decide at the last minute that, "oh! I need to turn here!", then change their minds and keep on going, after you've almost rear-ended them.....twice..... They pretty much seem clueless. The worst part is, they will usually drive in the left lane, and in such a way that no one can get out from behind them, so they'll hold up traffic for miles.....

Add winter weather to the mix, and you have a very dangerous combination. I think most of them got their licences (and their Corollas) in the summer. Either that, or they just can't remember one winter to the next what actually is slippery, and what is not.

Some of you may think I'm not being fair. Let me re-iterate: not ALL Corolla drivers are bad drivers. I actually know a few people who drive Corollas who are very good drivers. (although, why they would drive a Corolla is totally beyond me....) Do yourself a favour: trade in your Corolla! You're ruining your reputation as a driver!

Still think I'm being unfair?

I was driving to work the other morning, and the left lane (in which I was driving) suddenly slowed considerably. The right lane continued on, with people behind and in front of me bailing out to pass the obstruction in the left lane. Eventually, I came up behind the car which appeared to be the problem: an older model American car, driving on a donut. I thought to myself, ok, you're forgiven - I'd be driving a little slower too, if I was having to drive on a donut.

Then the guy with the donut swung himself into the right lane in an attempt to finally get out from behind the Corolla.....

.....'nuf said.....

Battling the Post-Holiday Blues

2007-01-11T21:26:00.000-05:00

Back to the grind.

Gee, don't I sound excited?

I guess it's typical for January, after the Christmas and New Years excitement. I guess I'm going through holiday withdrawl. Some might even say I'm in denial, especially when they walk into my living room, and see all the Christmas decorations still up. (tree included!) I just use the excuse that, hey! It's only a few days past the Eastern Orthodox Christmas!

I'm having difficulty getting back into the swing of things at work. I'm so used to working like crazy, trying to get caught up for vacations, that now that things are returning to normal, I'm actually having trouble figuring out what to do! It's almost like I'm too caught-up, I need that bit of pressure to actually get things done.

I feel like I'm in neutral, and the gear shift just won't budge. I've been joking that I won't know how to handle a 5-day week anymore, I've had at least one day off in every work week since November. I'm actually finding it difficult to get through this 4-day week! I suppose I shouldn't complain, I had a lot of holidays to use up before the end of last year, and there were people I work with who couldn't take any holidays because they'd used them all up. It catches up with you, though.

So, here I am, in 2007. Let's see, what is coming up this year?.... My 5th wedding anniversary, my 5th anniversary at work (I think I get a little gift of some kind, and another week of holidays), the first Marked By Love CD release, hopefully a new house (if we ever get this one in any kind of shape to sell), and, well, other plans I'd rather not get into (might give too many people too much hope -- including myself).

I guess the biggest thing weighing me down right now is the fear that, like last year, plans will fall flat. Last year was very frustrating. I don't want this year to be the same. Yeah, I know, I sounded so optimistic, so grounded, so realistic in my last post. See why I really don't like to make New Years Resolutions?

Sorry for the depressing post. Just calling it as I see it right now.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day....

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T15:33:00.000-05:00

Well, welcome to 2007. To be honest, it really doesn't feel a whole lot different to 2006. (yet) All it's doing right now is reminding me of just how quickly time is going by!

But, I'm not going to dwell on that. I've heard enough people complain about how fast kids grow up, how fast time flies as you get older, etc. etc., (and yes, I'm one of those people!), that I'm just not going to do that here.

There are 2 big things people do at New Years: evaluate last year, and make resolutions for next year. I'm really not sure I want to do either! I don't want to depress myself by going over the list of things I originally wanted to see accomplished last year, nor do I want to set myself up for further depression by making resolutions which, in all likelihood, will fall by the wayside within weeks, if they even get off the ground in the first place.

Why put myself through that???

Then again, there is the age-old truth: "those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it" Having earned a history minor in university, I've seen that truth demonstrated time and time again. I guess it's all how you approach a retrospective: drag up past failures and disappointments for the sake of berating yourself? Or, look at what you could have done differently, learn the lesson, and move on? I think I like what's behind door number 2...

But before I get to all that, it's been an interesting New Year's. The Rayment Band Widows have banded together for the weekend, I've been staying at my mom's for the last couple of days, and we're off to have supper with Sarah and the kids in a little while. The guys marched in the Tournament of Roses Parade this morning (also known as "the Rose Bowl parade"), and our guys in our band made it through ok. Apparently, there was one CSB casualty along the way - a certain horn player from NYT gutted it out with a bad ankle, but had to drop out just past the grandstands. (discretion is the better part of valour - the parade itself is 5 miles long, not counting the lead-in and lead-out...) We managed to catch Phil and one of the other CSB horn players on camera, but Doug and Dad were buried in their sections with the bells of their horns blocking any view of their faces. Thankfully, we recorded the correct TV coverage - ABC did a nice job of catching the band, but the twits at NBC signed off their coverage about half-way through the parade, before the S.A. band even got there! Oh, well, at least they got some camera time this year; there was one year when all three networks covering the parade went to commercial just as the band was coming by the cameras!! (I think a couple of networks heard from certain S.A. organisers -- it hasn't happened since!)

Well, it's back to the grind in a day or two. Work will be back in full swing, as will corps activities, and we'll be back to our ridiculously busy selves. What do I want to do this year? Actually, I had already made a few decisions regarding changes I want to make, and have been striving to make, before the new year even got here. For example, one of the by-products of my move to Toronto has been that I've lost contact, or at least had much less contact, with my friends and family in the Hamilton area. I want to change that. My new friends in Toronto are wonderful, and I'm so glad to have them. But, I really need to hang on to the friends I've had for many years.

I don't want to officially list any "resolutions", because that's just asking for failure and disappointment. What I will say is this: I'm going to continue doing what I've been trying to do all along. I'm going to do my best to live according to the One who loves me more than anyone in this world, who's grace and mercy is available to all who ask for it, and who taught us all how we should live by living it Himself.

If I can do that, then I can call this year a success. Everything else just doesn't matter.

Band Widows of the S.A., Unite!

2006-12-27T19:57:00.000-05:00

It's quite a unique group of people, one which some feel privileged to be part of, and some just put up with it.

It's the CSB Band Widows.

Yes, here I sit, 2 days after Christmas, a Band Widow once again...

It's an existence that's easiest to understand if it's something you've grown up with. I don't know how band wives who didn't grow up in the S.A. deal with it! Me? I've been attached to various bands (through my father) since I was an infant. I'm quite used to concerts, tours, long absences, missed birthdays... it's not really something toward which I feel any kind of animosity or resentment. (unless, of course, the band happens to be away during a massive snowfall or major plumbing issue.) It's something I've grown up with, and my Mom has certainly taught me (through example) ways to graciously endure the times when the CSB has, once again, kidnapped the men of the family.

(it usually involves some form of retail therapy!)

My Dad joined the CSB when I was only 6, and my brother was 9. I can honestly say, when I was growing up, I don't remember my Mom ever once speaking in a negative or derogatory manner about the time commitments demanded by the band. Mom was a single mother for days, even weeks at a time, but she never once let on to us if she was upset by it. (or maybe I was just oblivious?)(don't answer that)

There are a lot of interesting memories from years past:

- I can actually remember Dad's first long tour away with the CSB. It was in 1980 (I think), when the CSB did their tour of Western Canada. I can remember Mom hiding a couple of cards in Dad's luggage and music pad. I can very distinctly remember the note Mom found taped to her headboard that first night Dad was away: "I'd rather be sleeping with you, Dear!"

- There was the first tour of Australia & New Zealand in 1985, when the band was away for a month. Dad had to use up all his holidays to do the tour, so when we went camping later that summer, Dad drove the car up to Fair Havens, set up the trailer, then went home to work for the week. I don't remember Mom complaining...

- One year, Mom and I actually followed the band to England for the 1990 International Congress. It was my first time on an airplane, and off the North American continent. We had a lot of fun finding our own way around London, meeting up with the band at different venues and events, and then taking a 17-day tour of Western Europe. I'd love to go back someday.

- The latest bit of fun was Old Orchard Beach this past summer. I don't think I've laughed so hard as when the bunch of us CSB Widows were driving around Portland, Maine, trying to find that Appleby's! (the episode at the gas station was rather amusing as well!)

Anyone connected with the CSB would probably know that the first weekend of each month is reserved as the "CSB Weekend", when the band would schedule their weekends away. Anyone who knows me, will know that my birthday falls at the beginning of November. Deductive reasoning will reveal that, as a result, many a birthday was spent without Dad around. However, Dad always made it up to me, and over the years, we developed the tradition of Dad taking me out for dinner for my birthday - just the 2 of us. Those were very special dinners (although I sometimes had to BEG him not to embarrass me by having the waiters sing!), and believe me, I never complained!

All this helped prepare me for the day I actually married a CSB member. Some think I'm crazy, but I actually enjoy being associated with the band. (I guess there's a bit of pride in being associated with a world-renowned group!) Dad is still there, and my brother is now in the band as well, so when the CSB goes away, so do all the men in my immediate family! That's OK, Mom and I hang out a lot, and of course, when the men are away playing, the women go SHOPPING!! (deserves them right!)

Seriously, though, Mom was such a role model as to how to deal with being a band widow. Because she never showed resentment toward the band (at least she never showed it in front of us), I didn't resent the band as I grew up. Don't get me wrong, I missed my Dad when he was away, and I miss Doug when he's away. But, I don't get miserable about it. It's a fact of life I've grown up with, and I've learned that when someone you love is committed to something, the more you support them in that commitment, the better it is for all concerned. Complaining just makes everyone even more miserable...

Now, I say all this with one thing in mind: I'm not a mom. I'm not left to look after kids all by myself while the band's away, and when I do have kids, it may change my perspective. However, I can rest in the knowledge that I won't be the first Band Widow to also be a Band Single Mom. My Mom did it, my sister-in-law is doing it, and many other women who went before me have done it as well. I'm sure they'd be willing to share their wisdom on the subject when I'm in need of it. That's how we get through it: we support each other.

I am allowed to be jealous of the destinations, however! As I type, the CSB is in California. They're in San Diego right now, then they're off to Los Angeles, where they'll do a few concerts, and finish the trip by marching in the Tournament of Roses parade. (At least on this trip, I'll get to see them on TV!) There are exotic places the band has been, like Australia, New Zealand, and Brazil; they've been all over Western Europe, Scandinavia, and North America... Dad makes us laugh, whenever we're watching a Discovery Channel program about some country he's been to. Most times, we can't hear what the program narrator is saying - Dad's drowning them out, pointing out all the places he's been and repeating stories we've heard time and time again!

As long as there are bands, there will forever be band widows. The CSB Widows are a special lot - the commitments are in addition to the corps bands commitments, and believe-you-me, the CSB members are fully expected to be "exemplary bandmembers" at their own corps, so they have to be careful about missing anything at all. It can make for some lonely nights, and some down times, but there's always the "welcome home", and as Doug likes to say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, not wander......

....6 sleeps to go!.....

Merry Christmas to All!!

2006-12-23T22:42:00.000-05:00

and yes, it is a Merry Christmas, indeed! (at least, so far!....)

We are FINALLY up and running with our ethernet connection at home. After hours on the phone, re-installing WindowsXP, and endless frustration (and a few choice words for certain techs in India), I was finally able to convince the powers-that-be at Dell that our motherboard needed replacing. I think they were still skeptical that it wasn't still a software issue, but the guy came yesterday, installed the new motherboard, and what do you know! We're back online!

IT'S ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME!!!

Now comes the fun part: re-installing all the programs and downloading all the documents, photos, and songs that were wiped....but that's something for another day.... I'm just glad to be back online in my own house!

It's actually starting to look like Christmas around here. We finally got the tree in the house last weekend (it had been sitting in our porch in a bucket of water for 3 weeks!), and I finally had the time to decorate it on Monday. I have to admit, it was kinda weird pulling out the Christmas decorations from the cupboard downstairs -- when I packed them away last year, I didn't think I'd be pulling them out in this house again. Oh, well, the best laid plans.... I guess the Lord just didn't want us moving quite yet. It's frustrating for me, I was really hoping to be out of Scarborough by now, but I'm hoping that will happen this next year. It's really time to get out of here...

Speaking of having packed things away, I have no idea where all my tealights are....I know they're in a box, packed by my mom and me last summer....where, I have no idea....I have all these Christmas candle holders out, and no candles to put in them!!

Anyway, it's nearly Christmas Eve! It's really snuck up on me this year, I must have been busy, or pre-occupied, or something. Christmas has always been a very special time of year to me, time to get together with family that I don't get to see very often, eat until we can eat no more, and celebrate that original Silent Night. It's really sad the way things have degraded into such commercialism, greed, and political correctness that the real reason for the holiday is completely lost - and not by accident!! Whenever you try to remind anyone of Christ, they don't want to hear it. The response so often is, "Christmas isn't about Christianity anymore". Well, then what's it about? Why celebrate it? If all Christmas is to you, is parties and gifts, then you're really missing out! The Greatest Gift Of All wasn't found in the electronics department, He was found by shepherds in a cowshed. If you don't believe it, then just wait - you'll find out sooner or later, and it may just be too late by the time you do figure it out. I pray that doesn't happen....

In the mean time, I'm going to say those words that so many are so afraid to say these days:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Christmas Shopping

2006-12-14T21:25:00.000-05:00

I've had enough people ask me what I want for Christmas, that I thought I'd post a list here! If you're still not sure what to get me, here are some ideas:

I love to read. Books will always be a safe bet. Especially anything by Francine Rivers or Frank Peretti. Books I already have by those authors are: Francine Rivers - Mark of the Lion series (all 3), Leota's Garden, and The Scarlet Thread; Frank Peretti - The Visitation, Monster. I think that's all, I'm going by memory since most of my older books are still in boxes. (and won't be out of them until after I move!) I'd love to get copies of Redeeming Love, The Atonement Child, and And The Shofar Blew (all by F. Rivers); also This Present Darkness & Piercing the Darkness, and Prophet (all by F. Peretti) I've read most of them, but I would love to actually have them so I can re-read them whenever I want. I'd also love to get my hands on the Chronicles of Narnia (C.S. Lewis) - the entire set. I've seen them in boxed sets, but I've also seen all 7 books in one volume.

I can always use clothing for work! I have found that Jacob has a lot of nice stuff, and it fits well. (I take a size Small) RW&Co is also nice, and Reitmans has nice stuff on occasion, although I find their clothing doesn't fit as nicely.

I'm a scrapbooker. Anything, from tools to supplies, I'll always appreciate receiving. Just be sure any paper, ink, stickers, etc. are acid & lignin free. Brass plates for dry embossing are great, too.

DVD's. Our collection is rather pathetic at the moment. I think we have the Matrix series, Ray, The Bourne Identity, A Fish Called Wanda, The Incredibles, Shrek2, Madagascar, Finding Nemo, The Princess Bride, and that's about it! I'd love to get DVD copies of Shawshank Redemption, Dead Poets Society, and any others on my favorites list. I think the list would also give you a good idea of the genre's I tend to enjoy. James Bond movies are usually a good bet as well.

Does that give you enough to go on? I really can't think of anything else...

If I can ever find out what Doug wants for Christmas, I'll post that as well.....

And the fun goes on...

2006-12-13T00:36:00.000-05:00

Argh.

That's all I have to say right now.

Argh.

Between Doug and me, we've spent the better part of 5 hours dealing with Rogers, then Dell, then Rogers again, then back to Dell....

Our cable internet connection still isn't working.

We still don't know why.

Argh.

We know for a fact it isn't the cable modem.

We know for a fact it's something to do with the ethernet connection in our computer. Do you think the Dell guys can figure it out?

Argh.

I am, for a fact, typing this blog on my own computer. We've actually connected up our phone line, and transferred the dial-up info from the Ancient Decrepid IBM Stinkpad, and actually now have some semblance of internet access at home, albeit extremely...........slow..........

So, I can't complain too much.

But, still.....

Argh.

Musings from an Ex-Kettle Worker

2006-12-07T13:27:00.000-05:00

Ah, Christmas. The decorations, the carols, the hustle-and-bustle....

....the Salvation Army Christmas Kettles....

They're everywhere. Kettles (or "bubbles", as they've come to be known in Canada) pop up everywhere each December: in malls, in grocery stores, on street corners... Sometimes accompanied by a small brass group playing carols, but always manned by at least one person: the Kettle Worker.

Ah, the memories...the sore feet, tired back, aching face muscles (gotta keep smiling, you know!)...kinda makes me glad I don't do them anymore! There are those, of course, for whom the Kettles are a major area of ministry. And to them I say, God Bless You!

I have to admit, the people-watching did make it interesting at times. It seems we were magnets for people needing directions - I even had someone ask me how to find Don Brown Funeral Home! It was also amusing, in a way, to hear the various excuses people would give as to why they "couldn't" put any money in the bubble. I guess some people felt a little guilty? Of course, the most oft-heard line was, "I gave at the office"...yeah, like we all haven't heard that one before! I think the funniest was the lady who asked for directions to the funeral home - she told me she couldn't give anything because she was on disability.... (that bad, eh?).....

It was also interesting to watch the reactions when someone I knew would see me on the Kettle. People I knew from the Army would always stop and chat, offer some encouragement, and sometimes a coffee. The really nice ones would offer to watch the Kettle while I took a pee break! People I knew from outside the Army, though, were very different. They would comment about me "getting some volunteer work in", or look at me with a "Huh?" expression on their faces. Some actually chose to ignore me altogether, although I don't if it might just have been a case of not recognising me -- we do tend to look entirely different when we're in uniform. (especially back in the days of ladies' hats!!)

And, of course, I'll never forget the contest each year between me and Barb Beattie: whoever made more in their Kettles over the season got a Tim Horton's coffee from the loser. I seem to recall getting a free coffee every Christmas!....

It's been interesting to see the evolution of the Kettles and their workers over the years. When I was working them (as a teenager and early twenties), it was un-heard-of to man a Kettle while not wearing full Salvation Army uniform (hats included!). We had guidelines to follow: no sitting down, unless it is just for a couple of minutes an hour to rest, no leaving your post unless it's a medical emergency, wear full uniform, or if you don't have a uniform, something equally dressy, smile, say "Thank you, Merry Christmas!" to all who dropped so much as a penny in the bubble...

Oh, how times have changed....

I cringed (both inwardly and outwardly) the year that all Kettle workers were provided with WalMart-like bibs to wear, and those in uniform were actually told NOT to wear uniform. Huh?? Talk about scruffy-looking! I actually had a gentleman come up to me one year, and tell me that he had stopped donating to the Kettles, because the Army was manning their Kettles with un-uniformed people! Not that that's a legitimate reason for not giving, but it just goes to show how the public perceives the importance of uniform.

I do have an on-going complaint, though. It's about these bored-looking people dressed in jeans and sweaters, slouched on a bench or chair, broadcasting on their faces the foremost thought in their head: "WHEN WILL THIS ETERNAL SHIFT END???" I can't deny thinking that very thought on some of my own shifts in the past, but it's another thing to act like it! Paste a smile on your face, pretend this is something you really want to do, and believe it or not, the shift will actually go faster!! (and I'm sorry, it really annoys me when a Kettle worker says "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"!!!)

One of the longest-running debates I've come across when it comes to the Kettles, is the issue of volunteer vs. paid Kettle-worker. One shift, I had an older lady approach me (with a bit of a superior air), and comment, "I heard in my ladies group that you people actually get PAID to attend these Kettles." My only response could be the truth: yes, we did get paid. "Oh," was her response, as she turned away (with nose in the air). Well, Merry Christmas to you, too! I guess there are those who feel that it's an absolute sin to be paid to work for the Army.

To those who don't understand the process or situation, let me explain. Since most Kettles are located in shopping centres, it's actually law that the workers be paid. (at least, that's my understanding) It's not like they're paid a whole lot - usually minimum wage. The worker does not get a percentage of the Kettle money, in fact, the wages come from an entirely different bank account. There certainly are those workers who prefer to consider themselves volunteers, and I have seen many a worker endorse their pay cheque, and either hand it right back to the person who gave it to them, or put it into the next Kettle they see. What they do with that money is their prerogative.

Do you think you're in a position to judge a Kettle worker as to whether they should be paid, or volunteer? Consider this: when I attended Stoney Creek Corps, there were many Kettle workers who weren't even members of the church. They were actually people who were unemployed, on government assistance, or just couldn't make enough at their "day job" to make ends meet. The opportunity to work on the Kettles allowed them to earn money so they could actually have a Christmas. I, for one, was a university student when I worked the Kettles, so the money I earned was desperately needed to pay for school, and to afford to buy gifts for my family that I otherwise would not have had the money to buy.

The Army provides assistance in many ways. The funds from the Kettles themselves go to fund toys for children, and meals for the hungry. The wages paid to Kettle workers assist the workers through the Christmas season. Think about it: would you go and stand in one place (sometimes a very cold place) for hours at a time, if you didn't have to? And don't forget, you have no way of knowing if that person is actually keeping their wages, or if they're handing the money right back to the Army.

And quite frankly, it's none of your business.

I have to admit, though, now that Kettle season is once again upon us, I'm kinda glad that I'm too busy to work any Kettles. Who knows, I may work them again in the future, but only if I have a really, really comfortable pair of shoes....

...and a whole lot of patience.....

Me and my Big Mouth.....

2006-11-28T13:41:00.000-05:00

Go ahead, make your jokes.... I know I have a big mouth. Well, not literally, but my mouth very often does take off before the brain is in gear. I've hurt a lot of people that way.

I get myself into trouble in 2 ways: something I've said, or the way I said it.

"Something I've said": I most often screw up in the area of blurting secrets that shouldn't be shared. A word of advice: if you're telling me something that you don't want discussed, tell me outright that I'm not to discuss it! If I know up front, you'll have a much better chance of me not saying something!! My problem is, I get caught up in a conversation, and in my attempt to enter or continue in a conversation, I may bring something up that really shouldn't have been. I can't count the number of times that I've said something, only to regret it minutes later.

"The way I said it": my other extremely annoying conversation trait (which I hate most of all), is that too many times, I'll say something and have it come across in a way that sounds snobbish, condescending, patronizing, or just plain rude and impatient. Once again, the mouth is in gear before the brain has had a chance to temper what I'm saying. So many times, the way I speak is very off-putting to say the least, and can actually be quite hurtful to others.

I'm sorry.

I don't do it on purpose. (or "on-purposely", as I used to say as a kid) I don't realise what I've done until well after the fact, and often by that time, it's too late to take it back. All I can do is apologise, and try to do better next time. James (the biblical one) was right about our need to "tame the tongue", because it very often is the source of needless conflicts, and it inflicts unnecessary pain. It's something I've been working on, but I'm not sure if I'm really seeing any improvements yet. I guess when the stress levels go up, I tend to lose patience more quickly, and that's when most of the trouble occurs. That's no excuse, though, and I can't let myself get away with it.

I have one request: If I've said something to you, and you don't like either what I've said, or the way I've said it, or even both, please call me on it! Maybe, if enough people tell me what I'm doing wrong when I do it, I'll better be able to keep that pesky mouth of mine in check....

Some sad news

2006-11-24T17:16:00.000-05:00

We received some sad news this week. Leslie & Jamie's wee babe has gone to be with The Lord. I know it must be devastating for them, but they have some great support in their family, and especially in Leslie's mom. Their kids are a great source of comfort, too. Keep them all in your prayers, would ya?

Hello, Winter...

2006-11-22T13:31:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I know, it's not "officially" winter yet. According to the calendar, anyway. The dusting of snow and the frost are stating otherwise!!

We're back from Sanibel, and it was a good trip! Weather was great, we did some stuff that we've been wanting to do for a while, and it was restful and relaxing. As usual, though, all positive effects from the vacation have already disappeared here at work -- I'm already finding myself standing in the printer/copier/fax room at work, thinking to myself, "why did I walk over here?..." YIKES.

Anyway, a quick computer update: our home computer is still not functional, at least where the internet is concerned. My good friend Donna played with it while we were away, and it appears we may have positively-identified the problem -- we'll know more when we get the computer back from her, and find out if it works the same way with our modem as opposed to hers....then it's a case of deciding what course of action to take. On the bright side, we found out how to check our home email address on the web, so it's not building up a stupid amount of bulk emails!

Can you believe Christmas is just over a month away??? I can't!!! It will start to sink in this Saturday, when the Rayment family embarks on the Great Christmas Tree Hunt. It's a tradition, where we all meet at a tree farm, and tromp out into the bush to cut down our very own White Pine. Some of you may be thinking that it's a bit early to be getting a tree, but when you're in the Army, your Saturdays get booked up really fast in December. In fact, this Saturday will be the last open Saturday between now and Christmas!!

Time to get busy! It's really silly how busy we all get with the Christmas season. If we aren't careful, the busy-ness can result in us completely missing the enjoyable aspects of Christmas. So many people get so caught up in finding the right gifts (and usually breaking the bank), getting the decorating done, entertaining, etc, that the more important things either can't be enjoyed, or get ignored altogether. It's really very sad...

I'm finding one of the most frustrating things about Christmas is trying to decipher who will respond positively to "Merry Christmas", and who will chastise me for not using the politically-correct "Season's Greetings" or "Happy Holidays". The ironic thing is that so many people insist on "Happy Holidays", not realising that the origin of the word Holiday is "Holy Day"!! Kinda makes me chuckle sometimes...

Anyway, enough soap box for one day. I'm just going to enjoy the season as much as I can, and make the most of each event/get-together/party/concert/whatever!

Me? An Introvert? Never!

2006-11-08T13:30:00.000-05:00

Yeah, OK, so anyone who has ever met me, let alone taken the time to get to know me, will have a pretty good idea that I am much more of an introvert than extrovert. There just has never been any question of that! Other aspects of my personality, though, apparently can be a little less obvious...

This has come to my attention as a result of some personality profiling we recently participated in at work. Apparently, there are some "communication issues" in our team, so the powers-that-be decided that personality profiling may help us to learn to communicate better with each other.... (the members of my team are in agreement: we all get along great, and work together quite well. It's the communication with the team leader that is problematic!)

Never-the-less, we all took the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator. Tell me if you agree with what M-B says about me:

- Insightful, conceptual, and creative (creative?)
- rational, detached, and objectively critical
- likely to have a clear vision of future possibilities (not sure about that one!)
- apt to enjoy complex challenges
- likely to value knowledge and competence; apply high standards to themselves and others
- independent; trust their own judgements and perceptions more than those of others
- usually seen by others as private, reserved, and hard to know

I won't argue with that last descriptor - I've been accused in the past of acting "snobbish". A lot of people never realized that I was actually painfully shy, and just didn't know how to act around people I didn't know. (you know, your classic introvert!)

I was actually surprised to hear from my Mom that the M-B type I wound up with was just like hers, the first time she did the M-B. I have always thought that my personality was very much like my father's, with the main difference being that he's a total extrovert. But, I guess the more I think about it, the more similarities I see between me and my Mom.

I had to question some of the results of this "testing", though. When they went through the descriptions of the various aspects of the profiles (ie. extrovert vs introvert, sensing vs. intuitive, thinking vs feeling, judging vs perceiving), there were times when I couldn't decide which I should be, because I had strong tendencies on both sides. For example, Judgers like a planned, organized, structured environment, something which I thrive in, but Perceivers take a long time to make decisions because they weigh every option, and look at every possibility, which is certainly one of my characteristics. Hmmm..... (M-B has me listed as a Judger)

I guess what it all boils down to, there are ranges and variations within the personality types, and no one "test" is going to get everything 100% correct. (I mean, come on, the M-B had one of the most introverted members of our team listed as an extrovert!!) It does help, though, to give some insight as to why some people react certain ways in certain situations, and helps us to understand them better, if we're willing to make the effort to understand them. All this is for naught, if we've got a personality trait like, "Trusts their own judgements and perceptions more than those of others"! I know only too many people who use the excuse of, "that's just the way I am, and I'm not going to change!" argh.

One thing I know I've done over the years, is I've learned to encorporate aspects (preferrably the positive ones) of other personality types. I've learned not to criticize so much, and to do my best to pick out the positive as well as the negative when giving someone feedback. I've learned to temper the way I say things, so as not to be offensive in my delivery. I've also learned to be a little more out-going.

Some things will never change, though. Let's face it! Deep down, I'll always be a classic, stubborn introvert, who thrives on structure and routine, and who will always be her own worst critic!!

Sunshine, Here I Come!

2006-11-06T13:48:00.000-05:00

I just re-read my last post. It's really quite negative, isn't it? That really wasn't my intention with this site, I don't want it to end up being one big, long list of complaints. I'd like to think I'm not that negative!!

I am going to make a concious effort to keep the majority of my posts positive, and maybe even a bit humorous. I won't kid myself, there will be days where this will be my avenue of venting, but I'm going to try to keep that to a minimum.

Just as a post-script to Friday's post, the day ended a little better than it started. I actually had a face-to-face with a higher manager, who assured me that the situation was being dealt with. Whether it actually is or not, I won't venture to guess. I'm content to their assurance at face value that the offending party has been spoken to regarding her behaviour. I know I'm probably being naive, but it's always been in my nature to give other people the benefit of the doubt.

And I have to say thank-you to all of you who have expressed their support for me. It's been a real struggle here at the office to keep a positive attitude with so much going on, and it's a real boost when you have friends to help you through!

Right now, I'm in the midst of trying desperately to get 2-weeks-worth of work done in 4 days...only 4 more sleeps until SANIBEL!!! Can't wait to get to Jerry's, Pinnochio's, the Island Cow, the Bean, the BEACH..... (am I making you jealous yet?...) Most of all, I'm just looking forward to a break where I can sit around and do what I want, when I want! I think Doug's going to rent a scooter again, it's a poor substitute for a motorbike (in his mind, anyway), but it's fun to zip around the island on it. Yee-Ha!!

Letting off some steam

2006-11-03T13:33:00.000-05:00

If you're not in the mood to listen to (or in this case, read about) a total rant, then stop right now.

This ain't gonna be pretty.....

We've been having a lot of difficulties at work lately. The job stress level is extremely high in my line of work, but over the past year or so, we've been having to deal with a very high level of office stress as well. Doesn't make for a particularly productive or enjoyable work environment!

I've watched my teammates deal with stress coming at them from the "powers that be" (ie. our immediate supervisors and lower-level management). It's been one unfortunate incident after another, where people are targetted, put-down, disrespected, and just overall, treated in a very lousy fashion. We've been regimented in the most silly ways, while important questions are answered with "I'll look into that and get back to you..."

And they wonder why morale is so low....

Well, today was my turn. Up until now, I've pretty much managed to fly under the radar, so-to-speak. I pride myself in having the ability to see a situation from multiple points of view, and to understand where another person is coming from in any given conflict. I am also very concious of how I express myself, and am probably one of the most diplomatic people on my team. (I'm not kidding myself, my teammates agree with that point of view) And yet, I am led to believe that in this latest instance, it is I who needs to "be more respectful".

I'm sorry, but when a person is interrupted and talked-over, it is not an example of professionalism. And yet, this was my experience today. When a person who is in authority is rude, and interrupts you, is this not an example of how NOT to communicate?? What is my recourse? We've tried (as a team) to explain to the higher eschelon (as well as HR) that we have been experiencing this kind of behavior, and have asked to have something done about it, but all we've gotten is political nonsense about how "we all need to learn how to communicate with each other".....I'm sorry, the communication problem does not lie with us peons!!!

Sorry, I've had enough. I've suffered through more than a year of crap, and have found ways to justify it, live with it, brush it off, and sweep it under the carpet in the name of Diplomacy. No more. I was not rude or disrespectful in any way in what I said, or the way I said it. And yet, when it was said that "we all need to be respectful in our delivery", it was I who was looked at, not the person who was actually rude and disrespectful!

It doesn't help that this all happened after we were delivered what I refer to as the last straw: it is being regimented as to how we are to celebrate in the office. Why would someone want something as personal and individual as their birthday turned into an instituted "thou shalt do it this way" event to be shared by all who have a birthday in any given month? I agree with my one teammate: it's really quite offensive! (M-E, thanks for speaking up!)

Some of you who decided to keep reading this, may be asking yourselves: "what is she so upset about? It's not like a rude comment or a shared birthday party is the end of the world. Get over it!" Well, let me refer you to the prior paragraph where I used the term "last straw". This is just one example in a thousand of how my colleagues and I have been treated in general over the last year or so.

Quite frankly, I've had enough. And I'm not alone.

Halloween Hearse

2006-11-02T13:19:00.000-05:00

OK, I just read what may be my favorite Halloween story yet. And it's a true one!

My friend Cheryl keeps us all updated on her space, moulandspace.spaces.live.com . Her last post is all about the goings-on in the Mouland household on Halloween this year. You see, her husband Terry is a funeral director. It seems there was some question as to whether he was going to make it back from a pick-up run in time to go trick-or-treating with the kids. As it turned out, he managed to catch up with them part-way through the evening -- in the hearse!!

Can you imagine looking out your door/window on Halloween night and seeing a hearse in front of your house??? They got a lot of freaked-out looks, and earned a few laughs as well. Apparently, one guy came running to his door, shouting "No! I'm not ready to go yet!!"

For the full story, go to Cheryl's blog and check it out. She's got photos posted, too!

I just hope Terry didn't get in trouble!....

Nostalgia...

2006-11-01T13:44:00.000-05:00

Took a trip down memory lane yesterday...

I had a work meeting at my old high school, of all places! It was a planning meeting for one of my clients, who is a student there. Talk about deja-vu! It may have been 14 years since I stepped foot in the halls of OP, but I tell ya, it felt like I never left!

There were some changes, of course. A little re-organising here, a little re-decorating there...but all-in-all, it was still my high school. I'm not sure how I feel about my memories of high school, some are good, others I'd rather not have brought up. I wasn't the most popular kid, for the most part, I was very awkward, socially inept, and pretty much a loner. I really didn't hang out with a lot of people, with the exception of a few kids on the track/cross-country teams. I really enjoyed being part of that crew, but since track tends to be an individual sport as opposed to a team sport, there isn't the camraderie you gain through other sports teams like soccer, volleyball, basketball, etc. The closest you come in track is a relay team. And I'm proud to say, I was a member of one of the most successful relay teams in the school (and area!) for 4 years.

I really haven't kept in touch with any of my friends from high school. We all went our separate ways in university/college, or through work, etc. Being the loner that I was, I didn't know how to maintain connections with friends and acquaintances. It makes for a lot of "I wonder where so-and-so is these days..."

I was really quite excited when I found out that OP was having a reunion last summer, I thought that maybe I'd connect with some old friends again. Alas, it was not to be. Of all the OP alumni that contacted the reunion website and message board, there was a severe lack of respondents from my years. It was really quite interesting -- there were tons of people from the years before I started, and tons from the years after I graduated, but there seemed to be this big, black hole for the years I was there. (for those who are wondering, I went to Orchard Park high school from 1987 to 1992) I was really hoping I could connect with some of the old track team from those years.

Oh, well....

Am I sounding a little maudlin? I hope not! I'm just reminiscing a little, and wishing some things could have been different. I do tend to look forward, though. I know I'm a much better person than I was back then. I still have the same feelings of awkwardness and shyness, especially when I'm in a new, unfamiliar situation, but I've learned how to deal with it in a way that doesn't isolate me from social opportunities. And there are some great memories from back then, especially when I think about the track and cross-country meets. I guess it really was the athletics that helped me get through high school.

So to all my old track buddies from OP, thank you! Chris Conroy, Shane Cooke, Stevan Ivancevic, Wheels (Julie Start), Tracy Depass, Brenda Marsillo, Dan Dumouchel, and we can't forget Mr. Roddy! (may the Roddy Shuffle live on!!) I hope you all were able to follow the path you wanted when we all parted ways in the early '90's, and that you are all well.

OK, enough living in the past, on to the future!....

Leslie's having a baby!!!

2006-10-27T13:45:00.000-04:00

A new baby in the family! Yay!! Another little Kent is on his/her way to join this crazy group of people we call the Hutchinson clan. Personally, I can't imagine being Les and James right now, I don't know if I could handle having 4 little ones under the age of 6! I'm very happy for them, though, and my congrats go out to them!

I was telling my Mom the other day, I used to think that other members of the family having kids would keep the pressure off of me. You know, keep them distracted with a new baby, and people would stop pestering me with the perpetual question, "so, when are you guys starting your family?..."

I've come to the conclusion, though, that this is now wishful thinking; the tactic has outgrown it's usefulness, and now may actually pinpoint our child-less status, and generate even more questions.

Questions like, "well, Les has all these kids, when are yours coming?"
"Ethan and Micaela are both in school! Isn't it time you had yours?"
"You've been married for over 4 years now! What have you been doing all this time?"

Even my mother-in-law is getting in on the action: "So, are the babies coming before or after you move?"

To all those who think it is their business as to when (and even whether!) we have children, my response is as follows:

WE'LL HAVE KIDS WHEN WE'RE DARN-WELL GOOD AND READY.

A lot of people don't realise that their idea of being friendly and conversational can actually come across as quite nosey and intrusive. Another thing they sometimes don't realise is that seemingly innocent questions like, "Aren't you pregnant yet?" can actually open painful wounds for some. Did you stop to think that there may be extenuating circumstances that are, quite frankly, none of your business? Perhaps the couple have been trying to have a family for years, and have been experiencing the oh, so painful heartache of infertility. Maybe their dream is to have a family, but there are relationship problems that need to be ironed out before a 3rd person can be added to the family unit without there being a total breakdown of the marriage.

If you feel it's your place to pester, annoy, and otherwise be nosey, to someone regarding their plans (or lack thereof) for a family, maybe you should step back and ask yourself, "is it really any of my business?" Put yourself in that couple's place. If you were them, would you want every other person asking you the same question? I know, you're probably just trying to be friendly and conversational, but please, if it's me you're talking to, find another topic to discuss!

You'll know when (and if) I'm pregnant. I'll let you know.

Until then.....

Amen, Sting!

2006-10-19T13:24:00.000-04:00

My one escape at work is to browse the net on my lunch hour. For some reason, I actually enjoy checking out different news stories, finding out what's happening in the world, and just being basically nosey about who's doing what.

I came across a little blurb on CNN about an interview done recently with Sting, where he commented about today's rock music. He said he found it boring, that it just wasn't developing any further, and he actually gets more enjoyment out of playing 16th century english folk music.

Sting, I couldn't agree more!

I will admit, Sting is one of my favorite secular rock/pop artists, for the reason that he truly is an artist. I really enjoy his experiments with mixing different music genre's, odd time signatures, and just plain being "interesting". And lets face it, he's a rarity in today's music world. How many new groups/solo artists are having the kind of creative impact that groups like The Police and The Beatles have had in the past? Could it be because their success was based on the artistry in their music, not the artistry of their public image?

I have to say, I can easily apply Sting's comment about boring rock music to today's worship music. Now, before you get your back up, remember that I'm heavily involved in the worship team at my church, and the majority of my new CD's are worship music. It's just that, well, an awful lot of new worship music, is, well, boring. For the non-musician, I guess 3-chord music and 7-11 lyrics are easy to learn and perform, but for a musician, it's actually very annoying.

(by the way, for the un-initiated, "7-11" refers to "7 words, 11 times over")

How about a bit of an analogy. (oooooh, an ANALOGY!.....) If a musical classic like, oh say, How Great Thou Art, could be a painting by a member of The Group of Seven, then a not-so-classic like Trading My Sorrows could be the cheap paint-by-numbers you see sold at a flea market. (Sorry if you like Trading My Sorrows - it's one I've gotten rather sick of!) Yuck!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm an artist and a musician. I therefore can be very finicky about what I find to be "music", and what is just noise. Unfortunately, so many worship teams have taken the lesser quality songs and done them over and over, that I feel it's given worship music a bad rap. If more musical selections are used, with lyrics that involve some thought, there might be a little less resistance to the whole "contemporary" idea.

And there are some very good worship songs out there! I'm thinking of truly beautiful selections like "How Deep the Father's Love" by Stuart Townend. Songs written by trained, talented musicians, with lyrics that are actually lyrical, meaningful, and theologically accurate. They could add so much to a worship service! The trick is actually finding them. The popular stuff, of course, is the simple stuff that a beginner guitarist could play. Hence, the popularity. The more musical songs are more difficult to pick up if you haven't had some musical training, so they tend not to be as popular for worship teams that don't practice on a regular basis. (that's another blog for another day...)

Overall, there is an awful lot of boring music out there, and no, it's not just limited to worship music and rock music. It's in every genre. There are also a lot of people who enjoy boring music, mainly because they don't know what good music is supposed to sound like, nor do they care. For a lot of people, music is just to be played in the background, not listened to or performed for pleasure. But, for us musically-artistic-types, it just doesn't cut it.

I gotta say, Sting, I really identify with you on this one.

It's Not the Distance, It's the Mileage....

2006-10-17T13:21:00.000-04:00

I love it when I get emails from my mom, telling me about the latest exploits of my niece and nephew. It's usually the very thing to brighten up my day, although it also points out just how little I get to see them, and how fast they're growing up!

I got a real laugh today, finding out about the "Birthday Present (Not-So) Secret." It's my brother's birthday today (Happy Birthday, Phil!), and they had a party for him last night. Well, I guess poor Ethan got in trouble, because he had a little trouble keeping Phil's present a surprise. (Is this really surprising for a 5-year-old??) However, the amusing thing was that it was actually Sarah's parents who truly spilled the beans!

Poor little guy....

(Ethan, not Phil...)

It really hits home, though, how long it usually is between visits with my family. It's kinda stupid, too -- I only live an hour away, and I think I saw Phil and Sarah more often when they lived in New York City! But, when you consider everyone's schedules, and factor in corps activities, full-time work schedules, social lives that really don't cross each other very often, and compound that with Toronto traffic....

It's one of the big reasons I'm wanting to move!! Stories are great, but I really wish I could experience it all first-hand. I don't want to miss out on the memories that make families like ours so close. I grew up in a family that lived within a few kilometers of each other (Grandma and Papa were right down the road, and my best-friend-cousin was 5 minutes away), so the distance from Hamilton to Scarborough just seems that much further. I know Milton isn't right next door, either, but at least the drive would be a lot easier to make.

In the mean time, I look forward to my next kidlet-update, whether it's Ethan's next choice of vocation (apparently, his current wish is to be a paleontologist) (or has that changed?), or Micaela's most recent accomplishment on piano or cornet (you should hear her, she's quite the musician!).

Keep them coming!

Yeah, yeah, I know....

2006-10-13T13:56:00.000-04:00

Yes, indeedee, my penchant for procrastination is once again rearing it's ugly head.

Still haven't gotten the computer at home taken care of.

Still haven't gotten the house ready to sell.

Still haven't done my wedding thank-you cards.
(is there really any point at this stage of the game? It's been 4 years...)

Wanna place bets on whether I actually get any Christmas cards done this year?

The truly frightening thing is that I actually married someone who is just as bad at procrastination as I am! It's a wonder we actually got married - I'm surprised we didn't just keep putting it off!

I really am trying, though. (yes, I know, I'm very trying) Seriously, I'm getting better at getting things done. The approach I'm taking these days is to focus on what needs to be done NOW, and get it done. I'm trying not to dwell on past projects, and wallow in "shoulda-coulda-woulda" misery - I don't need reminders about how negligent I've been in the past. I'm trying to focus on the here-and-now, and on what's-to-come.

So, you might still not get a "thankyou" card for your wedding gift (which was very much appreciated, despite the lack of my telling you so), but you just might get a really nice Christmas card this year...

Can't we all just get along???

2006-10-02T13:26:00.000-04:00

How many times, at how many SA corps, do we have to tackle the age-old dilema of "traditional" vs. "contemporary"? As we suffer through an officer transition at our corps, the main thought that is running through my head is, "here we go again..."

OK, everybody has their own ideas about what works, and what doesn't. Some want us to be more sensitive to the older, more traditionally-minded members of the congregation, while others insist that we must be current, relevant, and therefore, contemporary. Do we cater to the older folk who have built, established, and supported the corps for many years? Or do we try to target the younger ones who will be the future of the corps?

Let's face it. There is no way, in heaven or on earth, that we can possibly please everybody.

I really feel caught in the middle on this one. As a member and co-leader of the worship team, yes, I am in favour of contemporary music and approaches. However, having grown up at an extremely traditional corps, and loving the traditional approaches to banding, songsters, camps, even timbrels, I most certainly do appreciate the traditions of the Salvation Army. My opinion has always been, and shall forever be, that the best approach is a balanced one: mix the traditional with the contemporary, and help everyone to appreciate the other generations.

You see, as one who appreciates history, antiques, and wisdom, I am of the firm opinion that, just because something is old, doesn't mean you throw it out. There's an awful lot of good stuff in those old hymns, and the Army band and uniform are extremely recogniseable. Only a couple of weeks ago, I had a complete stranger approach me at a restaurant and hand me $20, because she recognised the uniform I was wearing, and wanted to thank The Salvation Army "for all the good work you do". We have also had new people come into our corps, because our band went on a march around the neighborhood, and they followed the "parade" back to the building. It still works!

However, I do acknowledge that there are many who do not identify with the traditional Army Barmy. And that's fine! That's why we've expanded to include a more contemporary style of worship, with new music, new approaches, new community programs, and a more casual "everyday" uniform (ie. the t-shirts/golf shirts, etc.). That works, too! But, we must keep in mind: just because it's "contemporary", doesn't necessarily mean it's "relevant" to all!

Unfortunately, we're running into a situation at our corps, where a new officer is trying to bring a little more current material into a very traditional set-up. As a result, the "traditionalists" are getting their backs up, and are fighting to retain the traditional feel of the corps. Yes, the congregation is predominantly over-50. (Hmm, maybe there's a reason for that?.....) But where should our focus be? On the past, or on the future? As I stated before, we must acknowledge, appreciate, and show our respect to those who have gone before. However, we MUST NOT sacrifice the future of the church! To be extremely blunt, if you focus on keeping the older folks happy, you won't have a congregation in about 10 years, because they will all have gone on to their reward. Who would be left?....

I'm not out to ruffle feathers. (although I'm sure I have done so!) I'm just trying to say that if we hope to survive, we MUST stop fighting amongst ourselves. To win the fight, we have to come together and present a united front, or we will be doomed to failure. You-know-who is loving the in-fighting and the bickering over what kind of music to use!

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ONE OR THE OTHER! It's called "balance". A bit of this, a bit of that, and while we can never please everybody at all times, we can still reach those who need reaching, on the level where they will respond.

Am I making sense?

2006-09-25T13:46:00.000-04:00

Well, it was an interesting weekend. We're looking at moving sometime in the near future, so we've been taking, well, stabs at the monster they call Real Estate. There's just so much to consider when you're looking at buying/selling homes, I usually end up in a near-catatonic state just thinking about it!

We met yesterday with an agent who we may hire as a buying agent. If all goes well, we might even see if he'd agree to be our listing agent. The problem we always run into, though, is the issue of trust: can we trust this person?

Me? I'm as naive as they come. I tend to trust people, no matter how many times I get burned. Don't get me wrong, if one person burns me, it's likely to be a very long time before I ever trust them again. What I'm referring to, is that I tend to trust new people, unless there is an obvious reason not too. I'd like to think I'm a good judge of character, but unfortunately, I'm not nearly as good as I think I am. I tend to take things at face value.

I have to admit, though, I'm not as naive as I used to be. In my current line of work, I've actually become more cynical than I ever thought I'd be. But, if someone appears genuine on the outside, I tend to think of them as genuine, unless I see overt signs of, well, sleaziness...

Doug, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. Trust does not come easily for him at all, and really, I don't blame him. He's been hurt and burned a lot more, and a lot worse, than I ever have. But, I can rest in the knowledge that if he thinks he can trust someone, then I have absolutely no reason not to...

So, getting back to this agent - I think he's great, on-the-level, honest, and very up-front about his expectations, what he wants to do for us, and what he's hoping we can do for him. Seems pretty good, doesn't it? Too good to be true?.... I really don't know. I guess it's all part-and-parcel with the risk involved in any big (huge!) decision, like buying/selling your home! But Doug seems to like him, and feel comfortable with him. I think it helps that Doug has dealt with him in an informal setting, and I only dealt with him in a formal presentation setting, where everything was scripted, rehearsed, and very, very, smooth...

I guess it's the sad state of our society these days - you can never just take a person at their word, they have to continually prove that they're on the up-and-up, and you're constantly having to question a person's motives. It's one of the things I absolutely HATE about modern society: "love your neighbor as yourself" has turned into "look out for number one".

Am I ready to step out on that limb? Anyone who knows me can tell you that J9 and Risk just don't belong in the same sentence! Who to trust? There's only One I can truly trust to look out for us and our best interests. Maybe I should just trust Him....

Sounds easy, doesn't it?....

2006-09-20T13:47:00.000-04:00

Yes, this is a new template -- the black was looking a little too, well, BLACK, and you know me and the colour green.....

To be honest, I can't see this blog being a "diary", where I'll be describing what I'm doing at any one time, or what I've done in a day. (unless it is earth-shattering - I'm not looking to bore people!) I'll probably stick to thoughts, opinions, whatever comes to my head that I want to hang on to, instead of slipping through the swiss cheese that has been my mind lately. Work stress will do that to you...

What I think will be interesting to me, will be to see people's reactions to what I write. It'll be neat to see if what I write is what people think I would write, or if I might catch some people by surprise. You know, the "that's typical J9" vs. "that doesn't sound like the J9 I know" I like to surprise people - I love seeing their reactions! It's just something I really get a kick out of, which is why I always like to be the bearer of news. (preferrably good, or at least interesting. Bad news, on the other hand...)

I guess one thing I've always wondered, is what kind of impression I make on people. I've made a lot of new friends since moving to Scarberia, so it's interesting to see what my new friends think of me, vs. what the friends and family who have known me all my life think of me.

I just realised how self-centered and self-concious this is sounding......YIKES! But then, it's important to be aware of our outward image and behaviour. Whether we like it or not, the world will always judge us based on the outside, or "through the eyes of men". While God may always look on the inside, we can never escape the reality that if we want people to see God in this world, we have to wear Him on the outside, too!

OK, so you've just had a taste of how tangential my thought processes can be. Scared yet? I am!

I think I'm going to be as interested as the next reader, to see just what gets written on this site!

2006-09-19T13:39:00.000-04:00

Oh, the inconvenience!.....

Gotta love internet cafe's -- it's the only way I'm actually going to get anything posted! We still don't have our internet up-and-running at home; we just don't have the time to call Dell and go through the whole re-install-windows-so-we-can-actually-find-out-what's-wrong-with-the-computer process. In the mean time, I'm relegated to checking email at work, answering emails for Doug, printing off what I can on the work printers (NOT a suggested course of action!).... That would be fine and good, if it weren't for all the information we not only need to receive by email, but all the information we need to SEND by email. Believe me, you don't realize how much you come to depend on the internet, until you can't access it when you need to!!

So, here I sit in the "internet cafe" at work, attached to our lunchroom, where poor beggars like me sit and do all their emailing, surfing, and blog posting in the few minutes we have to ourselves before it's back-to-the-grind....

Like an old friend of mine used to say, "whadda ya do, when ya live in a shoe? Move into a boot, and get laced!!"

2006-09-12T13:42:00.000-04:00

Yes, it's true. I'm actually joining the world of the bloggers. Never thought I'd do it, but what the heck.....
Don't know how often this will be updated, but once I actually have my internet re-connected at home, hopefully I'll be doing a little more! In the mean time, I don't know how often I'll be able to post, but hopefully it will get going soon!